Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Those of us that know the SyFy channel movie formula could all see this little treat coming down the road. It has all the elements of traditional SyFy movies; 2nd/3rd rate CGI and actors, thoroughly unappealing characters, inane dialog, and perhaps, a has-been actor thrown in for nostalgia.

And, of course, the title. At this point, I'm convinced that they just brain-storm the most ridiculous movie titles they can think of and make a movie around that title. Chupacabra vs. the Alamo is certainly a winner in that regard. The story is silly, naturally, but I thought the CGI was pretty good, in SyFy movie terms.

Erik Estrada is the curiosity doing the "has-been" duty here, and he's seen better days. The former CHiPs star is in his mid 60's now, and has packed on some tonnage, but he gives this nonsense his best shot and plays his part with gusto. All these movies are made for fun, of course, in the best "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" tradition. Everybody is in on the joke here, except for a few viewers who actually take these things seriously.

It's not giving anything away to say the characters fight the mythical beasts at the Alamo. Guess who wins. About average for a SyFy movie. If you watch it, you'll get exactly what you would expect from the title.

Good old Erik still does a semi-cohesive and usually believable performance (as he always has), along with a pretty decent cast. However the motorcycle driving sequences against the fake backgrounds were horribly bogus and right out of the 40's. Should have skipped those images altogether.Flashbacks to CHIPS are unneeded and Erik is more believable in a rugged Jeep than a bike. Budget concerns aside, the director needs to be horse whipped. The creature was well done and looks just what I imagine a Chupacabra would look like, if there is such a thing. Erik isn't reaching for the stars here, but this vehicle keeps him visible as a prominent B Actor who carries significant gravitas as a TV actor working in B Movies.

RELEASED TO TV IN 2013 and directed by Terry Ingram, the curiously titled "Chupacabra vs. the Alamo" details events in the San Antonio, TX, area when DEA agents (Erik Estrada, Julia Benson & Vanesa Tomasino) team-up with Hispanic outlaws in order to wipeout packs of rabid chupacabras. Jorge Vargas plays the estranged gang-oriented son of the head DEA agent (Estrada).

'Chupacabra' is a Spanish word, which literally means "goat-sucker" (from chupar "to suck" and cabra "goat"). There are two varieties of the cryptozoological beast: (1.) a reptile-like creature with leathery/scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back; and (2.) a hairless form of canine with a pronounced spinal ridge and prominent eye sockets, fangs, and claws. This movie features the second version.

This is basically Hispanic TV horror with CGI chupacabras getting wiped out en masse. The movie starts serious, but becomes increasingly humorous as it moves along, particularly the second half. The first half is more engaging due to the human interest, which segues into the dynamic, but less interesting second half where there's an explosive (Surprise!) showdown at the Alamo.

Estrada is in perfect shape at 63 years-of-age during filming (looking almost 20 years younger) and is stalwart as the hero. Benson is reminiscent of Sean Young when she was younger and has a marvel-inducing face & full head of brunette hair, but she needs to gain like 15-20 lbs. Nicole Muñoz & Anja Savcic as the Estrada character's daughter and her bestie are cute. Tomasino is adorable in her own unique way as well.

THE MOVIE RUNS 88 minutes and was shot in San Antonio, Texas. WRITERS: Peter Sullivan & Jeffrey Schenck.

GRADE: B-/C+

While its far from the worst movies, this one is both boring and not that enjoyable. There barely any story to be found in this movie with it being a pack of Chupacabra attacking a city. The movie try to have a explanation on why they are there, but its brief and not that interesting. I don't remember that much in the movie other than the CGI Chupacabra that looks awful and looks like it belongs in a PlayStation 2 game. Most of the action is characters shooting at them and they are easily taken down with one shot which show that these aren't a greatest threat unless you have a long range weapon. Also, they are strong for some reason which the movie doesn't explained that part. The acting is both stiff and pretty bad on how it deliver. Other parts like the characters, the special effects, and the side plot aren't that interesting to talk about.

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo is a movie that is best avoid and forgotten.

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (2013)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Gory fun from SyFy has a cop (Erik Estrada) trying to deal with the two-year anniversary of his wife's death while at the same time having troubles with his teenage daughter. To make matters worse a gang of chupacabras are eating up the locals and the cop must gather up a group of gangsters (led by his own son) to try and take on the creatures at the site mentioned in the title. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO is a pretty silly movie but I'm sure that's what most people expect when they tune into SyFy on Saturday nights. I must admit that this film really kept me entertained throughout most of the running time, although there are certainly some flaws remaining. One big flaw is the constant melodrama dealing with the father's relationship with his children. The widowed father and troubled kids is a cliché taking over these SyFy movies and it really needs to stop as it takes away from what people are turning into see. The CGI monsters here aren't nearly as bad as we've come to expect from the station but there's still no question that they're far from being scary. The actual look of the monsters are pretty good and thankfully they didn't turn them into Godzilla sized creatures, which is what usually happens. Another plus is that if you're looking for gore then you're going to find a lot of it here. There's all sorts of guts and blood flowing throughout and this includes some TV-pushing stuff including one poor guy who decides to go pee at the wrong time. Estrada is the former star thrown into the spotlight this time out. I actually thought he was quite fun here and of course we get some nods to his CHIPS role including him riding a motorcycle throughout the picture. I also enjoyed both Nicole Munoz and Julia Benson in their supporting roles. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO isn't meant to be taken serious and thankfully the filmmakers didn't take it too serious. The film is light entertainment that's going to appeal to fans of "B" movies and those who like gore.