2010: Moby Dick

This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I am so shocked half-way through it- that I had to stop- and go back and look over reviews- to make sure- super sure- that maybe what I am seeing is a comedy. No- it's just that bad. The cgi is so tragically bad- that in one scene- you see a closeup of a whale's eye and see the wiremesh show up because of low polycount. Wow.

I think this is a treasure of a movie for film students- It must be mindblowing to them how it is possible that these fools got funded to make this crap- and then it actually got distributed- amazing. If I had made this movie- I would not have distributed it- out of sheer shame. I think the actors probably looked at this movie afterwards in its entirety and walked out before it ended.

I have no idea HOW they got the cast to do this hokum. It was frakking unbelievably awful.

I have no idea how they got the cast to sign on, I have no idea. Blackmail? Threats of torture? Kidnapping? But they were just wasted. They looked like they couldn't believe they had been forced to do such awful drivel.

What killed it was the story. The original was a wonderful novel. It has been done quite well at least three times before, with Gregory Peck, Patrick Stewart or Jack Aranson as Ahab. Orson Welles made a short of it. A new version is coming out with William Hurt as Ahab, and I look forward to it. Even if the script had been decent, I think Barry Bostwick would have been out of his league playing Ahab.

The special effects aren't that bad, but it takes so little to do that these days. What was AWFUL was how they used them. The whale looks to be the size of an island, simply bigger than any animal has ever been found to be.

I could go on and on and on. The only pleasure from it was like that of watching an airplane about to crash. You know it's a disaster in progress and it will be famously horrible.

At this point in time, Asylum movies are among the worst in all of creation. You don't get to be this bad without effort.

Anyone watching this movie in the hopes that it will be anything more than a cheap sucker-punch at the classic novel Moby Dick will be disappointed in the worst way. If you were expecting a remotely plausible story with reasonably capable actors and even some worthwhile special effects, then you should have never watched a movie made by Asylum. You are very behind on the times if you don't know that Asylum doesn't do that sort of thing.

It is soul-crushingly bad. It's like watching despair. So much so that I'm beginning to suspect that they are doing it on purpose. Nothing else could possibly explain how they can relentlessly churn out terrible movie after terrible movie, with absolutely no shame. I'm truly starting to believe that Asylum is in fact dedicated to the less-than-noble cause of making their mark as the worst movie making company in history. All of the things that a good movie needs will never be found in an Asylum motion picture. They need a trophy for epic failure in movie making.

But it's not all bad. Asylum is definitely good at one thing: Making movies so bad that they mysteriously 180-themselves into something good. This movie didn't really succeed at that, but it did have some very entertaining moments. The "special effects" are notably radical; certain scenes with the whale literally caused me to slip out of my chair laughing, and the look on the doctor's face nearly caused me to have a stroke (watch it and you'll see what I mean). For that reason alone I'm giving the movie a 2 instead of a 1.

I am just glad that Herman Melville is not alive to see what they have done to his immortal tale of Ahab and his White Whale. I thought the film went over the top when they were using names like Ahab and Moby Dick, but when they added the character names of Starbuck, Queg Qheg, what really got me was the name of the submarine, U.S. S. Pequod, now that is just a little much. I am just glad that Herman Melville has been dead for over 100 years or he may come back from the grave and let us know what he thinks. At least they didn't have a character named Ishmael.

Still, as bad as that is, I find the film compelling, maybe that's because I have such a craving for a stupid horror film. It's worth a watch if you don't expect too much from the film.

Well, you already know what kind of movie this was going to be. A bad one, and it turned out to be just that. It is the kind of movie that is similar to a car crash, you know you shouldn't look, but you can't help it.

Lets start with the story, it was sort of a re-take on the classic tale, though oddly twisted and warped in a sense. And it was actually not really necessary for the world to have another Moby Dick movie, at least not of this caliber.

The special effects in the movie were, well, special! They were hilarious, and I was wondering how come in this day when we write 2010, that these type of fake effects and cheesy CGI's still take place. If you can't make it look believable, don't make it at all. Half-hearted attempts do not please the viewers.

There were two familiar faces in this movie, those being Barry Bostwick (playing captain Ahab) and Renée O'Connor (playing Dr. Michelle Herman). Now why they agreed to do this movie is beyond me, but hey, who am I to question Hollywood celebrities? Usually Bostwick and O'Connor appear in sort-of-alright movies and TV series, but this? ... The cast in the movie was actually decent enough, despite the lack of any major blockbuster names. And most people also put on adequate performances, though there was a lot of times where you could see that the people didn't fully have their hearts in the movie.

As for the dialogue, well it was adequate, though at times kind of strained to witness.

This take on the Moby Dick story is one that should be bagged and tagged and not really talked about again. It was not a good attempt at it, in my honest opinion. And truthfully, then I didn't even make it halfway through the movie. I couldn't stand the effects (or rather lack thereof) and the weak storyline. I gave up. But hats off to those actually managing to sit through the movie in its entire length.