Titanic II

I think my title says it all - this alleged movie is so inept, so cheaply made and so poorly written and acted that I'm not sure anyone could find nice things to say about it. I could almost understand this blatant rip-off of James Cameron's film if it had been made in 1997 or 1998; at that time, all you had to do was to say "Titanic" and people automatically reached for their wallets. But this is thirteen years later, and there's just no excuse for what is on the screen here. Horrendous CG (the birds in 'Birdemic' are masterpieces compared to some of what's in 'Titanic II'), goshawful acting (the guy who played Maine should have been billed as Ed Wooden), and a general contempt for the audience make this one a must-miss. On the evidence of this film, inmates are definitely running The Asylum.

The opening credits were fairly sparse and went by nicely, and the ending credits had many words and names. I noticed most of the words were also spelled correctly. In between the beginning and ending credits there was a bunch of stuff that really could have been cut from the movie. Many of the scenes had people in them, and were in color. They exist in a sort of Adventure Time universe where reality is constantly changing - either that or the plot make no sense. No spoilers here, it's what the title implies: ship driving around the ocean, bashes into a big hunk of ice while frantically driving away from it, and hilarity ensues. If this was a high school project, I would say it deserved at least a B. As long as it wasn't a senior high school project.

Funniest quote: "The lifeboats are death traps!" - said by a guy in a chopper who obviously knew this in advance.

Be warned that this is probably the worst movie ever made. At least it gave a good actor, Bruce Davison, employment. Nice concept, but so poorly made that you understand immediately that the makers knew zero about the 1912 Titanic and cared even less. With an obvious low budget, the movie made use of the 1930's Queen Mary permanently moored at Long Beach, CA. But, 1912 maritime design is very different from 1930s maritime design as was White Star Line, (Titanic), to Cunard Line, (Queen Mary). Shots included the sea wall enclosing the Queen Mary, rust on the railings of this "brand new Titanic II", and red funnels when the original Titanic had yellow funnels, (which they corrected within the movie and then went back to red funnels). Some scenes showed the ship with three funnels, some scenes she had four funnels. One of the best, laughable scenes was the cast running down into the "engine room" with concrete walls!!!? The Titanic II sailed with the name emblazoned on it's bow, then the name was gone, then it was back again? Where were the continuity people? Or could they not afford to employ them. The score even had slight reminisces of the movie Titanic's score in a shameful attempt to piggy-back on the success of the James Cameron movie. Gives new meaning to unoriginal and predictable. Do yourself a favor. Skip this movie. It's not even good trash.

This has to be one of the best worst films of all time. I have seen better special effects in Boris Karloff films and that is when Boris Karloff was a young man. Some of the iceberg scenes must have been shot by somebody in a bathtub/Jacuzzi having a few jars, spilled his/her ice cubes and then took a few snaps with a mobile phone. I am delighted I saw this film, I am getting great 'mileage' out of reading the reviews to my wife, I have to stop every now and again of course because the pain in our sides from uncontrolled laughing is nearly as bad as having appendicitis. I always thought Bob Hope, Danny Kaye, and Gerry Lewis starred in some of the funniest movies ever made, I was right up until now. I hope your readers find this review helpful.

The black guy at the Coast Guard headquarters, toothless. Anyone notice? From the imitation special effects to the silicone breasts, I've seen better hommade vacation videos. I can't imagine paying to buy this DVD, this is the most awful movie I have ever seen. The acting was high school thespian at best, they all appeared to be students of some second rate acting school. I would not recommend this video to anyone. Out of respect to the original Titanic and the poor souls who went down with her, it is a shame that such a poorly done movie about a new Titanic was done so cheaply and with such low budget actors. This is a waste of film and money.