Il nome del mio assassino

This movie was bad. Just bad. It wasn't scary or interesting or even unintentionally funny in the slightest. The acting was so wooden and unbelievable it was like a high school production. The lines were some of the corniest I have ever heard this side of "Stay Alive". The plot made absolutely no sense. I really didn't care who Dakota or the serial killer were or where the Aubrey had gone. This is Screen writing 101: You need to care about the characters! I guess the writer of this movie missed that class.

So much of it was just disgusting, too. Some scenes were so graphic I actually had to turn my head away. For example, where Dakota sews on a bloody and gangrenous finger with a needle and thread, or where the "killer" or whatever puts Aubrey's hands between dry ice and when he pulls them apart her rotting hand is pulled in half. Other repulsive scenes were the ones where Lindsay Lohan was pole dancing at a strip club. It's like the writer couldn't decide which avenue he wanted to take the movie down, gory violent thriller, or a drama/suspense movie, and in the end compromised with a boring, lifeless story with lots of blood and gore.

And what was with all the blue items everywhere? Did the director think he was being "artsy"? The blue computer, the blue curtains, the blue roses, even the knife the killer used was blue! It was not like "The Sixth Sense" with the color red, where it was subtle and if you weren't looking for it you wouldn't notice. Every item was blue, and the whole film looked tinted blue like the director was using a blue filter. That was one of the only things consistent throughout this movie. It was as if the director needed to make certain you couldn't forget which movie you were watching, just in case you nod off for a few minutes or something.

Another irritating thing were the police officers. Honestly, I don't know if the writer/director of this film figured that no one would have the slightest idea of how real cops work, or if they just didn't want to put in the research to find out for themselves, but every scene with the cops was so unbelievable, and the actors portrayed them too like they'd never seen one before. Maybe it was the lines that were poorly written, but they had no emotion! Turn on Law & Order or CSI once and a while and see how cops really talk and what terms they really use. And then they just suddenly inexplicably disappeared for the rest of the movie, like so many other plot holes. Did they solve the case? Did they lose interest? Or was the writer just too lazy or disinterested to fix that particular plot hole? There are so many nonsensical parts to this movie it's just embarrassing.

Towards the end of the movie the "plot" starts unraveling and the ending itself makes absolutely no sense, and you really don't care to make sense of it, you just want it over! I guess there's an alternate ending that might shed some more light on this, but I haven't seen it and all I have to go off of was the movie I saw in theaters. I wasn't able to figure out if Dakota was just made up or if she was real, and by the end all I cared about was leaving the theater.

That's right, my girlfriend turned to me in the movie and said, "I think BarbWire was better than this." Her opinion and mine seemed to carry through to the whole audience in the advance screening we went to last night. The audience was laughing at the horrible acting, terrible script and crap camera work.

Specifics: Lohan works in a strip club where women are topless, yet she never takes the top off and even in sheer bra has pasties on (or were the pasties on top of the bra?). I could care less about seeing her naked, but if you are playing a stripper you might have to at least imply nudity with well placed hands.

Someone decided to inject humor into the movie into the most awkward places. The biggest problem was trying to figure out why people were laughing more during the "serious parts" than the "funny parts".

Characters come in, spout some wisdom and disappear behind a rock like the Dungeon Master. I have a feeling that they are supposed to be angels, maybe God himself?

The twists in the movie are tough to swallow. I will not even come close to ruining them, they are not even worth ruining. Someone thought they could write a M. Knight script, but failed.

Overall, this movie would be worth a rental from the dollar kiosk at the grocery store, as long as everything else is sold out. I am glad I got in for free. If you do decide to spend money to see this movie, send me the cash instead, I will then hit you in the groin, you will enjoy it more.

Really, it could have.

My personal opinion of Lohan aside, this movie - like others (Dead Silence for one) relied heavily on effects that at times, become quite distracting. Some of the shots in the film are beautiful, but the use of blue is really overdone, some of the special effects are lacking, and some of the weapons are just ridiculous (The big blue glass knife? Are you kidding me?). Whether you see symbolism in the use of colour depends on the viewers mindset - But even so, the use of blue is just overwhelming at times. This is probably the point - but it starts to distract from the plot.

The acting is alright. For the most part, Lohan does a good job. The parents aren't very convincing, and at times the dialog becomes stale, and somewhat corny.

However, the movie is easy enough to follow that people who don't like complex horror films can sit back, and enjoy the ride. If you do prefer a bit more mystery, you'll have this figured out about halfway through, and the end will seem to drag. The big plot twist at the end was original enough, however for me it seemed like a cop out. It works fine, it's just not quite as exciting as it could have been. Kind of left me thinking "Oh... that's all?"

There's a small bit of nudity, a sex scene, and lots of dirty dancing. So if your decision rests on one of those things, now you know.

Surprisingly, there are several gory scenes as well. I wouldn't recommend bringing small children to see this, though I doubt that will stop some people from bringing their kids along. It isn't scary, but the gore in some parts might be a bit much for younger audiences, or people who really can't deal with it. It's nothing like SAW or Hostel in the area of gore, but there were a couple scenes that made me flinch.

In the end, the film really didn't bring anything new to the table. The storyline is simple, and easy to follow, some of the shots are nice, and the acting on a whole is mediocre at worst. So if you have nothing better to do, it's an alright film to waste an hour or so with. But don't go expecting an award winner - you'll be left disappointed.

I thought this was a pretty good thriller, with some decent acting by Lohan and whoever played her mother and a killer soundtrack. The cinematography is probably what kept me so interested in the movie though. Lots of powerful imagery, reoccurring themes, and leitmotifs. The use of red and blue colors to distinguish between the two girls was kind of neat. Dark humor was abound—this was unexpected but welcomed. Also, yes, there was a hairless cat in the movie which a lot of people seemed freaked out by. But seriously, the cat didn't shave itself and I can think of a lot worse things than an animal lacking hair. The smelly man sitting next to me in the theater with super long toenails, for example. I don't know why people get so disgusted by anything that is simply DIFFERENT!!

Look, I have a strong stomach, but I have no use for Torture Porn in my entertainment. A few weeks ago, I saw a preview of this film that gave no indication of it's true nature. This, plus the intriguing poster led me to believe this was going to be a brooding drama in the Hitchcock tradition. Instead, I found myself watching the ugliest, most disgusting film I have ever attended of my own free will. I should have guessed when the cashier gave me a funny look while getting my ticket.

The first thing I realized was the script was by an amateur. The scenes and dialog jumping around with no thought or subtlety. Like other reviewers, I knew who the torturing villain was within the first few minutes. But, I still had to sit through several scenes of dismemberment and pain, which made me sick. Sick that I had spent money to watch this disaster.

I can't imagine why Lindsay Lohan would agree to be in this production. There are other venues to stretch her acting talents. Neal McDonough and Julia Ormond's rent must have been due.

The story, such as it is has at it's core an interesting premise. A top director might have made a respectable film out of it with a total rewrite, without the gore and more atmosphere.

This movie is an absolute, total disaster. No one involved has anything to be proud of.