H20 - Bagno di sangue

I have some obsession with movies about animals (preferably mutant) that attack people. It all started when I went to film school and was so tired of watching movies that made me think for hours on end… so I went out and rented all animal attack movies that had one word titles, then I bought a bunch of 40's and had a movie marathon… I have been hooked from that day forth!! Leaches is a funny movie about leaches with roid-rage, attacking a college campus… at some points you can see where the leach glove props run out and you can see the arms inside the gloves!! so if you're expecting a hilariously bad movie, you won't be let down…. LEACHES!!!!

...the shane

Yes, I knew what I was getting into when I rented LEECHES! Yes, I know what kind of films Dave makes for Rapid Heart. Yes, I knew there would be non-stop guys-in-speedo scenes. And yes, I even knew this movie would be flawed.

So why did I see it?

Simple, I was on a swimteam back in the day and I thought: "What an interesting concept!"

Of course, all of the other thoughts in my head kept telling me "Stay away...stay away. You know what this is gonna turn out to be!" But I say to hell with it and rented it anyway.

All of what I thought did come true. Too many speedo shots, boring and obviously mechanical "leeches" and an ending so rushed and so dull I think I could have slapped one of the leeches on my and let it suck out my blood. Just to numb the pain of seeing this film.

Still, the fact of a swimteam taking on a "hord" of killer leeches was fun, funny and out of the norm!

Oh well...I am a sucker of b-movies and will be until my dying day. If they keep making them. I'll keep watching them.

5 out of 10

I've got a friend who plays on my masochistic urges. He tries to dig up the worst movies that he can because he knows I'll watch anything once. 'Leeches' was his most recent bid to break my spirit. It is pretty far from great, but it is no worse than you might expect it to be. This is actually a very good time to 'judge a book by its cover.' Everything you need or want to know is there.

In fairness, the film is not trying to be anything more than a low-level exploitation film. A similarly masochistic buddy of mine watched it with me and we actually found it hilariously funny in a couple of spots. The acting is total cheeseball and the dialogue is ridiculous. The film is charged with homo-eroticism. Come on, it is just hilarious the number of shower scenes that take place, and the fact that all of the guys go into slow motion when they undress to go swimming.

The leeches are pretty funny. They move very slowly ... until they attack. Then suddenly they become piranhas and move with lightening speed. The leeches also have high pitched squeaky voices. Oh yes, this is a special film.

If I was going to be generous I would say you could watch this film as a satire of teen monster movies or that it is maybe a message film -- "Steroids are BAD!" You'll be happier if you watch it and just revel in the b-movie humour. A lot of it is unintentional and the actors all take their parts with a hilarious degree of seriousness. What little hope there might have been for this movie was spoiled by a completely random plot twist in the last moments of the movie.

I was going to list a series of questions that the movie had brought up for me, like why a competitive swim team with an Olympic sized pool would need to swim in a leech infested lake. I don't really want to waste anymore time on this movie though and I hope anyone reading this is doing it pre-emptively. I love bad movies but this is just garbage, sprinkled with a side of unintentional humour.

This is a specific target market: Gay men who love Horror films. It is not for woman who like seeing the flesh of men at all. Directed by super la cheapo David DeCoteau, who could bring any movie under budget. And it is not for heterosexual fans of horror either. Period! I have David's entire collection of these types of films. I surprise my friends with one every once in a while and they swoon. They love them! Someone -- with a sense of humor -- is actually smart enough to produce them and I'll bet they make a bundle. There is a market for this. It is not necessary to rip it apart. Yes. From the onset, anyone familiar with these films, (Voodoo Academy, Brotherhood et al.) knows what they're in for. Hot stupid guys with great asses running around in their underwear. The plots vary but who cares, the dialogue is straight from the 1950s Drive-In fare.

My favorite in this film, is the Leech coming up the leg of a sleeping hunk, right up to his lower ass, the Leech rears it's head and it looks like he's gonna plunge into the guy's . . . . I was laughing so hard. Alright, serious business here. David, please, please, please can't we have a couple of hot butt shots (naked)!! So. Hot studs. Underwear. Crazy plot. Acting not so good. DeCoteau's dazzling and interesting camera shots. What's not to like??

Okay, the "leeches" are rubber leech gloves on someone's hands. The swim team is a collection of non-acting, nondescript, male models who can't afford shirts. The females are utterly useless. The "story" seems thrown together at the last minute, and the filming itself has a closed in, tunnel vision look, like we're zeroed in on 10% of what's going on, while missing 90% of the picture.

Is LEECHES the worst movie ever made? No, there are equally dismal pieces of cinematic dross out there.

So, while this movie might be extremely painful, it won't cause agonizing death. Director David DeCoteau has his target audience, and perhaps this hits that mark. Otherwise, it's sub-sludge in its most pungent form...