1313: Hercules Unbound!

This movie was almost everything I've ever wanted. It had shirtless guys, Party City headpieces, wrestling, more shirtless guys... Would have been a 10/10 if there had at least been a little kissing. Maybe a fondle. Anyone looking to further their knowledge of Greek mythology, enjoy a rousing good time with the kids, ensure a second date with that hottie from the gym, or simply impress the gang at "girls' night" should definitely add this to their Netflix instant queue. Never have I been more impressed with a film. The story of Hercules, told with the grace, integrity, and sex appeal it deserves. Three thumbs up, David DeCoteau. You truly are a man among men.

I lasted about a half hour and I skipped from scene to scene. There's a lot of men posing, then doing something athletic, although there's no reason or purpose to this nonsense. I wasted $1.99 on this garbage. Don't make the same mistake!

This is the worst movie I've ever seen. There is no story, no acting...it's shot from the strangest angles...I spent most of it (before going to ff) trying to figure out where it was shot. Of course, Malibu! (I don't think that's a spoiler) It was worse that the old 60's AMA soft core gay flics. The filmmaker was either very short or filmed on his knees - most shots were taken from below. It was listed as sci-fi adventure - quite a stretch! The Texas tattoo and lousy wrestling in a crumbling hotel/brothel had potential but I'm afraid the film maker was too enthralled with his mediocre body boys to even consider making a good funny movie. Chelsea Rae Bernier could hardly speak her lines...but who noticed? - my jaw couldn't drop any further than the sight of her 'costume'. The invisible Lou Ferrigno as "Zeus (as Lou Ferrigno)" was probably best left off camera...Director cum Cinematographer David DeCoteau (do I smell Canada?) has had some fairly better attempts "Leatherjacket Love Story" limps to mind. But this one is a real stinker!

I'm a huge fan of trash cinema but there's nothing to this. It's like flipping through the pages of a magazine. They're not saying much, not doing much. Every scene with dialogue is zoomed in so you don't notice they're inside a porn mansion. Nobody really acts in this film, they spit out lines. Everyone looks like they're gonna kiss, they don't. There's no allure at all. I don't know how much more soft this ultra soft core has to go with itself.

Poor acting. Can see a lot of reflections in the windows. I was very disappointed but you would think that after watching, 2 other 1313 movies, I would have known better. These actors are gorgeous to look at, but that is all that is good about the movie. I don't suggest any of the 1313 movies. What I can suggest is that the production company look at better structure to their movie. Another thing is that there is a lot of music and movement and not enough speaking and story behind what is going on. Also a poor job with allowing the house to show up in the background. This movie makes me want to puke. I can see why they used so much money as there is so much music. I am sure the actors were under paid!