Modern Vampires

Only in America can vampires expect to call for garbage pickup. No messy disposal problems here. As a vampire author, I'd far rather see vampire movies that feature something new, rather than rehashing the old myths - no matter how well it's done. (For a similar new take on vampires, though hardly as funny, be sure to see Dance of the Damned) Actually, though Modern Vampires seems to strive to be intentionally bad, this makes it very funny, very hip though certainly not for everyone.

I loved it for the early humor (The scene with the bitchy salesperson in the dress shop was worth the rental price all by itself), and was sad to see the over the top end did not work quite as well as the first half.

Personally I think this movie is a riot.. =] I first saw it in San Francisco when it was being screened in an artsy movie house as "Revenant".

It isn't remotely meant to be serious.. in fact it is the campiest movie I've seen in quite awhile! I would think that any fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 would enjoy this style of cinema. It has more of a "B" movie vibe, more like "Eight legged freaks", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", or "Pricilla Queen of the Desert". It has quite a few familiar faces too, and of course Casper's butt is always a welcome site.. ::smirk::

Rod Steiger is a great actor and he makes this movie good. The funniest scenes in the movie involve Steiger and the man he hires to help hunt vampires. Steiger puts everything into his role as Doctor Frederick Van Helsing the vampire slayer. His German accent is right on. Van Helsing takes out an ad in the paper to find an assistant. When a street thug applies for the job, the really funny stuff starts. Later when he needs more help he Van Helsing uses his thug assistant's street gang! How these two cultures play off of each other is the funniest part of the movie.

The vampires in this movie aren't looked upon like mindless brutes who just go around killing people. Well, they kill people but they have a "human" side to them as well. Casper Van Dien plays Dallas, a young WW2 veteran who was "turned" back in the 40s. For a vampire, Dallas is a pretty nice guy. His love interest is a young girl who was turned into a vampire when she was in her late teens or early twenties. She does something in this film that you never see a vampire do in a movie, go back and visit her family who thought she was long dead since she had been missing for years. The confrontation with her parents makes for a good scene and it is something fresh in a vampire movie.

The story moves along well and the ending has some interesting twists. There is a lot of gore in this film but it's not the worst I've seen. It's not as gory as say Saving Private Ryan. While sort of predictable there are some very surprising and funny things at the end of this movie. Rent this movie if you like camp and very funny humor.

Rayvyn

Other than Rod Steiger doing this tongue in cheek imitation of Laurence Olivier's Mitteleuropa accent and having a ball as a modern Dr. Van Helsing, this rather witless comedy might go over with the juvenile trade, but not too many others. It certainly does make vampires out to be such fun creatures.

Natasha Gregson Wagner and Casper Van Dien are a couple of modern vampires who are tired of the rule of that most notorious vampire of them all, Count Dracula as played by Robert Pastorelli. But all of them have to worry that that famous vampire slaughterer Van Helsing who's on the prowl with some new kind of help, a few boys from the hood.

Except when Steiger was on the screen I didn't get too many laughs out of this film though. Maybe it's because my taste in music just doesn't run to rap which blares at intervals during the movie.

There is one other good scene I did like. Kim Catrall pulling a freight train with the Van Helsing helpers and turning them all into vampires. It's the inevitable result of sex with one.

For the juvenile trade strictly.

Directed by genius horror and B-Movie film maker Richard Elfman, "Modern Vampires" gives me something to sink my teeth into. What can I say, great casting, great lines, great characters, good gore, a little T and A never hurts. I would say that this movie ranks up there with the great horror spoofs "Nudist Colony of the Dead," and "Cannibal the Musical," absolutely one of my favorite films.