King Kong 2

Yep. It's a terrible movie, but worth watching for the laughs. When King Kong and Lady Kong first meet, they gaze into each other's eyes - and Pow! It's love at first sight! - and the Love Theme from King Kong Lives starts swelling up in the background - it brought tears to my eyes. Because I was laughing so hard I was close to weeping. This movie goes beyond its weird anthropomorphism and bad writing to achieve an unprecedented new level of cheese.

There are other fun moments, like when Kong starts climbing a mountain that is VERY obviously some painted plywood stuck to the side of a stepladder.

If you feel like watching something silly, or if you want to see a giant monkey trying to get to second base, this movie is for you!

It took a long time to make a sequel to the remake of King Kong from 1979... and I can see why... lack of a decent story. And it's the story and ropy special effects that hurt this film.

So the movie opens with the ending of the 1979 remake; Kong's fall from the tower. However, he doesn't die. As the years pass the doctors realise his heart is failing and his blood is poisoned. They could fit an artificial heart but without a transfusion, Kong will die. Enter Hank Mitchell (Kerwin), who whilst exploring the African continent comes across a second giant gorilla... phew, just in time to save the plotline... Even better for the plot, the ape is female. Against the lead doctor's advice, Amy Franklin (Hamilton), the college assigned to study Kong ship the female across, instead of just taking her blood. Of course, when you put two giant apes together, of different genders, things are bound to get amorous and frisky. As with humans, love and lust can drive apes to do desperate deeds. However, instead of running amuck, the apes settle down to domestic bliss... which totally upsets Lt Col Nevitt as he has some really expensive weapons to play with... and Goddamnit, he's gonna play with them and so sets out to destroy the happy couple.

Okay, so I'm making light of the story plot, but hey, that, in a nutshell, is the story. For a creature feature, there's way too many scenes of Mr & Mrs K sitting around picking racoons off of each other. Also, the fact that it's two men in Gorilla costumes is so evident it's laughable, especially today. This section of the film doesn't wear well after an age. However, it's the other effects that add strength to the action sequences of the film. The fight scenes between apes and army are well done and are paced so well as to actually be exciting.

The other thing that carries the film is the acting. Though the leads, Brian Kerwin and Linda Hamilton are very good in their roles, it was John Ashton as Nevitt that made this film for me.

I'd not really recommend this film to anybody. To be truthful, the original movie is still superb and better than this, let alone the Peter Jackson Remake and the latest action flick Kong: Skull Island, both of which are superior in every way. Though if you like your monster movies with a heavy dose of cheesiness then maybe you can give this a go... it does have it's good points.

D: John Guillermin. Linda Hamilton; Brian Kerwin; Mike Starr.

Silly but ambitious sequel to Dino DeLaurentiis' remake of the 1933 classic monster movie. Of all the wonderful stories that could be told using the most famous movie ape of all time, screenwriter Ronald Shusset (Alien, Dead and Buried) opts for a ludicrous tale about an overly involved scientist/doctor/biologist Hamilton and her emotional quest to save Kong. Future comedy talent Starr is wasted as a bad tempered facility guard while co-star Kerwin shows off his Indiana Jones impression as a `wild boy' adventurer. Only DeLaurentiis could make a good idea this bad. However, for a genuine Kong fan, this may provide some light entertainment – once you look past the terrible Carlo Rambaldi (King Kong, Alien) visual effects and the rambling, overlong script. Director Guillermin's final theatrical effort.

Are you kidding me? This is the sappiest sequel I have ever seen! I thought King Kong has perished from being shot down of The World Trade Center. WRONG! He survived the fall, that left him in a coma for a decade. So what happens next? He gets an artificial heart, and a new mate: Lady Kong. Boy, it doesn't get any better than this. The whole place in Georgia becomes a jungle when these primates get together. Unlike the one made 10 years earlier, this movie goes back to nature in many ways. A zoo that big couldn't hold these two lovebirds. Did I say lovebirds? Hahaha! I did it, again! When the two protectors Hank(Brian Kerwin) and Amy(Linda Hamilton) go to extreme lengths to assure the safety of King and Lady Kong. But there's trouble. The U.S. Army lead by mad Col. Nevitt (John Ashton) will go to full length to neutralize the Kongs. After Hank brings Lady Kong from Borneo, nothing would be the same. When the Army attacked Kong, he turned those tanks and jeeps into broken hunk of junk, and the scene where Kong recovers from his injuries, it was just amazing. Eating the alligators, or better yet, when he ate one of the hunters. But the fun part of the movie I like the most, is when Kong squashed the Col. Like a bug. That one was too silly there. And the really cheesy part of the film is when Kong gets to see his son for the first and last time. This movie didn't do well in the box office, but I think it's great... for a rainy day. Some legends remain to be legends, King Kong could have have more there in this sequel. The problem: IT'S TOO SHORT!

Well, the only thing good in this movie is the split-second flash you get of Linda Hamilton's rack. I don't know who the hell the rest of these people were. There was some blond dufus named "Hank". And a lot of really bad special FX. All in all, it's an awful movie.

But just imagine if it had been made today, it'd have super-slick CGI effects for the monkeys and a sound track by Elton John singing about "shining stars" and hairy monkey suits. Joel Schumacher would direct of course. The female lead would be played by Denise Richards except she wouldn't show her boobs. There'd be long shots of Hank's naked ass several times throughout the movie. Wouldn't it be great?

Er, maybe I'll just watch to 80's version again.