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Rating Breakdown: Story - 0.25 :: Direction - 1.50 :: Pacing - 1.50 :: Acting - 0.75 :: Entertainment - 1.25 TOTAL - 4.25/10

Death by Opera and Bad Writing

There are few things worse than a reboot that does not understand its own source material. The Crow (2024) is one of them. It replaces poetic vengeance with pink leisure suits, a tortured soul with a drug-addled misfit, and emotional depth with superficial style and copious bloodletting.

The love story? Less tragic romance, more Tinder date gone violent. The script is wafer-thin, driven by stupid choices that even horror movie teens would roll their eyes at. Our protagonist is a revenger, not a redeemer-less Eric Draven, more Hot Topic Punisher.

Skarsgård does his best, brooding with commitment, but he is trapped in a film that wants to be cool but ends up being tedious. The supporting cast? Faceless. The villains? Forgotten as soon as they leave the screen.

Then there's the opera scene. Picture a bloodbath choreographed to shrieking vocals that feel like your ears filed a restraining order. It wants to be Kill Bill, ends up more Kill Me Now.

The final act fizzles rather than explodes. By the end, I was left not just disappointed-but mildly offended on behalf of the source material. Want the real Crow experience? Buy the graphic novel. Watch the Brandon Lee version. And forget this one ever happened.

Rating Breakdown: Story - 0.50 :: Direction - 1.25 :: Pacing - 1.25 :: Performances - 1.00 :: Entertainment - 0.50 :::: TOTAL - 4.5/10

What fresh cinematic insanity is this? Mad Heidi is what happens when you take Swiss culture, grind it into cheese-based fascism, and stretch that one joke over an entire feature-length runtime. The result? A film so ridiculous it makes a Monty Python sketch look like a BBC documentary.

The story, such as it is, follows Heidi's bloody rebellion against a dictatorial, cheese-obsessed regime. It is an allegory, but not a subtle one. The filmmakers cling to their premise with all the determination of a man refusing to admit that fondue is just melted disappointment. If they were aiming for cult status, they missed the target by a good mile and landed somewhere in the realm of surreal, gory nonsense.

Luckily, visually speaking, the film is a treat. The directors embrace an exaggerated, technicolor aesthetic, and the violence, oh, the violence, is gloriously over-the-top. Heads explode, bodies are bisected, and the carnage is often funnier than the script's limp attempts at humour.

Performance-wise, Max Rudlinger as Kommandant Knorr steals the show, chewing scenery like a man possessed. Casper Van Dien gamely hams it up as President Meili, but poor David Schofield barely registers. And then there is Alice Lucy's Heidi; great in action, wooden in dialogue, like an IKEA warrior princess.

Should you watch it? If you enjoy bizarre, blood-soaked oddities, sure. Just do not expect it to make sense, or be particularly funny. Think of it as Switzerland's answer to Machete, but with extra cheese.

Rating Breakdown: Story - 1.25 :: Direction - 1.50 :: Pacing - 1.25 :: Performances - 1.50 :: Entertainment - 1.25 :::: TOTAL - 6.75/10

Just when I thought I had seen every iteration of The Hound of the Baskervilles, Amazon Prime slyly serves up this gem-an adaptation that punches far above its television-movie weight class.

Charles Edward Pogue's script remains faithful to the Conan Doyle classic, and for once, Dr. Watson is not reduced to a bumbling sidekick. The relationship between Holmes and Watson feels like an actual partnership, rather than a one-man show with an amusing side act.

Director Douglas Hickox delivers something that looks and feels more like a feature film than a television production. The atmosphere is pitch-perfect-moody, brooding, and beautifully shot, with fog-drenched landscapes and well-crafted suspense. Even the orchestral score, though not the most memorable, is leagues ahead of standard television fare. And when the beast of the moors finally emerges, it is instantly recognisable-no heavy-handed exposition required.

Then there is Ian Richardson as Holmes, an unexpected but brilliant choice. He brings the intelligence, wit, and precision you want from the great detective, supported by an exceptional cast of British acting royalty.

While it does not quite unseat the Hammer version from its throne, this adaptation is an immensely satisfying, superbly crafted take on the tale. A must-watch for fans of Sherlock Holmes and classic mystery cinema.