Pigs Today - Porcelli oggi

Typical teen sex romp. Guy wants to pressure his girl into sex. She's having none of it. Sexy "it" girl, does want to "do it" with our hero. Football playing bully, and boyfriend of "it girl", wants to kick the ass of said guy. Guy winds up in convertible with two good looking chicks and his best bud. One girl goes topless. Guys partner off with girls and begin making out. Friend gets avarice, and starts reaching up girl's skirt. He yelps in horror "Dude, this chicks a guy!" Hahahahahahaha, funniest scene ever in a movie. Later on, bully has sex with grotesque looking weightlifter chick (she is credited as a female)...he dumps her. She wants revenge, she gets bully drunk, then she and two other women from the German weightlifting team pummel him. Good girl hooks up with "Roger" a college age BMOC. She thinks of having sex with him, doesn't. Guy eventually ends up with his girl. Never having sex. But that's okay because he'll always have his story of the make-out session with the chick who's really a dude.

Like an old VHS tape that's been eaten by the vcr.

Be advised that anyone seeking out this low-budget teen sex comedy for an early appearance by Sherry Miller of "E.N.G" and "Queer As Folk" fame will be disappointed. The Sherrie Miller of this film is a completely separate person, a brunette who bears no resemblance whatsoever to the more famous Miller. Indeed, about the only interesting thing about this film is an early appearance by Eileen Davidson, though I doubt she lists it on her resume anymore.

This is one of the more boring entries in the endless '80s subgenre of teen sex comedy.

It involves two boys, one goofy and horny, the other shy and horny, and their girlfriends - promiscuous and frigid, respectively. The goofy kid goads the shy one into pushing his unwilling girlfriend into sex, leading to a predictable falling out, but, what do you know, maybe they'll kiss and make up before the curtains roll, for no reason other than that kind of an ending is required in a movie like this.

Scenes depicting characters outside of this tedium are strangely disjointed. You can tell the writers just brainstormed ideas and shoved them in wherever they'd fit. The only memorable character, a female weightlifter, coaxes a male character into the girls' gym with the promise of sex. She bares her breasts (why?) while he is ambushed by some other girls who shave his head, presumably as payback for some indiscretion with the wrong girl. What happens to this character? I don't think we see him again for the rest of the movie, but the characters all look alike, and have so little in the way of personality, it's hard to tell.

In another scene the same female weightlifter comes on, for real this time, to the movie's overweight slob. They apparently have sex, after which he inexplicably turns into an a-hole and kicks the big girl out of his car. What happens to him as a result of this behaviour seems to be the movie's only real example of continuity. See if you can guess what it is.

Oh, and one other thing this movie does (slightly) differently: there are plenty of movies in which horny guys get with "girls" who turn out to be men in drag. See "Hot Moves" for one example. The difference is that in "Goin' All the Way", these "drag queens" are quite obviously really female, completely taking the punchline out of the joke. We are supposed to be laughing at the hormone-induced idiocy of the young men, too eager for sex to realise their conquests aren't female... instead we're rolling our eyes at the cheap shot the filmmakers threw in there. I guess they couldn't get a real drag queen, so they just used real hot girls. They didn't even bother with the ol' sock in the crotch trick. I have never seen this cliché handled so badly.

Don James who played the nerd became legendary editor "Adam Lightplay" who did critically acclaimed editing on the Richard Rossi feature "Aimee Semple McPherson." Don/Adam hasn't made any movies as an actor since, but he is still searching for the "meaning of life." Watch for him to reappear soon as a stand-up healer. This film was a lot of fun. Don's portrayal of Howard is a great cult film moment. Eileen Davidson became a regular on "Young and the Restless." Her scene is very sexy when she is fondling and talking about trying positive thinking. A bad movie can be good, look at "Ed Wood," and this makes "Porky's" look like a Merchant Ivory film.