Night Train to Mundo Fine

It staggers me that people would put money - however little - into something this awful. Who in their right mind could ever think this garbage even approaches the quality of a B movie? One viewing and you'll see what I'm talking about. There is basically no plot. Three men sort of wander around a little, take a plane to Cuba for whatever reason (maybe money, though that point is not made clear), train for one day, lie around on some cots, and take part in an 8-man invasion of the island where a Castro "look-a-like" in a ridiculous fake beard awaits. The rest of the plot is so absurd I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say it is a colossal mountain of pointless celluloid. But it's fun to watch with the bots. In my opinion this and MANOS are tied for worst film ever.

I realize this is just yet another post on an overcrowded site, but we all need to vent after seeing this film. I have watched it several times in an attempt to discern what exactly is going on, and it sort of fits together...until that whole "throwing the old guy down a well" thing. I mean, sure, there are plot holes big enough to put Coleman Francis through, but it's still sort of a story until that point. I still don't understand who the group was that invaded Cuba, though. Were they mercenaries, because there was some garbled mention of two one thousand dollar payments made (which enticed the trio to sign up in the first place)? Where did this money come from? The government? If so, you'd think they might have thrown a little more money that way, and maybe had an invading force in double figures. AGH! See, this is what this movie does to you! It laughs in your face with its ineptness, knowing you can't count fast enough to put a number on its flaws! Another Crow quote: "I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and just said, 'I don't know.'" This film does contain one moment that still makes me laugh, however: when bombs are going off all around their jail cell, we get a super close-up of the repugnant Coleman Francis saying "Bay of Pigs", in a voice I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate. It's easily one of the stupidest scenes film has ever recorded, and I'm surprised the film didn't spontaneously burst into flames from the shame.

As far as I can tell, Coleman Francis and two other losers, escape from the cops hook up with "Cherokee" Jack and hightail it to some para military camp that's training for a invasion of Cuba. After their failed attempt to capture Cuba from a very fake Castro, our heroic trio steals a plane, make it back to the states and then throw some old guy down a well while his blind piano playing daughter goes about her music. Then they start searching for tungsten and decide to go legit.(?) This movie makes absolutely no sense. Coleman Francis cuts and cuts and those cuts hurt. There are also scenes of Coleman strangling other characters and sitting in his cell in a very provacative manner. Watch this with Mike, Tom and Crow and try to keep a straight face when John Carradine sings the haunting title track, you'll shake for weeks to come.

This would be true if it were a different movie. Red Zone Cuba is not a movie, yes movie film (black & white) was used and shot through a camera lens. It featured people who spoke words in English and they physically moved around. And then it ends. What you, the viewer need to do is try to comprehend and make sense of everything that you had witnessed. Is it difficult for you to do this? OK, I understand. After several viewings myself of Red Zone Cuba I am not sure if it was an actual film or not. Why? Well most film makers try to have things like plot, story, acting and continuity. Coleman Francis decided to go against the grain and not have any of listed ingredients to make what we refer to as a film. If RZC was made today it would not even be released as a direct to video product. In the decades to follow this may be viewed as a piece of abstract art. But let not hold our breaths.

Everyone has already commented about this film, but I'm here for one reason: A plea. Please, someone tell me what exactly was going on? There's obviously some sort of embryo of a plot that isn't mentioned to the audience. Just trying to sort things out makes my head hurt. Only watch this movie in the MST3K version, and even then be careful not to pay too much attention to the movie, just the wise-cracks. Oh yes, and take breaks and get some sugar in you. Treat the movie like a series of unrelated, boring scenes. You've been warned.