Angel's Brigade

For a very long time I've wondered if a lot of bad movies would eventually get what they deserved... AND THIS heap of crap got it! A good Thrashing from our pals on Mystery Science Theater 3000! I'm so utterly disgusted by the acting on the part of the women in this movie that the only way I could stand it was while Mike, Crow and Tom Servo throw great jokes at the stupidity and insanity on the screen. To be frank, can't we just destroy every copy of this film and pretend it never existed?

An extended jiggle-fest made watchable only through the gracious lens of "Mystery Science Theatre 3000", "Angels' Bridage" (aka "Angels' Revenge") is a truly embarrassing rip-off of "Charlie's Angels" seemingly written and directed by hormone-crazed 16-year-old boys and starring an overwhelming number of has-been B-movie character actors.

The plot, as much as there is one, involves a quasi-feminist schoolteacher trying to take out a drug ring that pushes to kids. She enlists the aid of six stereotypes...er, I mean characters: a sassy black stunt driver, an Asian martial artist (of course), a disco singer, an oversexed model, a tough cop that loves her weaponry, and a bratty, annoying teenager who happens to be one of the teacher's students.

This movie is filled with things that will either make you laugh, cringe, or simply scratch your head, depending on your tolerance for horrid cinema. There's the Vietnamese character with the Japanese name. The singer whose record is "still climbing" up the charts but is still recognized by every character in the film. The "top model" who does her fashion shoots in a mall parking lot. Jim Backus in thigh-high military boots. A genital-mutilation-as-interrogation scene played for laughs. A squad of bouncy women who paint their nails and wear spiked heels on a commando raid. And don't forget the score, which rips off all sorts of recognizable music, from the theme to "Charlie's Angels" to John Williams' opening music for "Jaws" to Strauss' "Thus Spake Zarathustra" (also known as the music from "2001: A Space Odyssey").

See what Aaron Spelling hath wrought? 1 out of 10.

Now you know where all those actors who are at the end of their ropes end up! How absolutely degrading to be "starring" in this kind of dreck and still be able to go on living! Don't these people have any pride? The makers of this film really had to dig to come up with Arthur Godfrey......probably about 6 feet down! This is the final resting place for people like Alan Hale, Pat Buttram,and Jim Backus. Remember when they gave us some joy on television and movies? And poor drugged out, drunken Peter Lawford.....it's quite a comedown from the Rat Pack and the Kennedys. At least you expect Jack Palance to do stupid things. There is probably nothing worse than the public humiliation that must go with being in this level of film. And who the hell are these copy-cat Charlie's Angels who have no talent except some pretty hot bods? It's all so amateurish and will cause you terrible pain and suffering, accompanied by nausea and fever. Stay away, run away, it's terminally bad!!!

Even watching this from the relative safety of MST3K, I felt offended at the events being shown. Jack Palance running around in that suit! Alan Hale, never being able to escape the role of The Skipper, and Mr. Howell er, Jim Backus, throwing away whatever dignity he had. Then there's our main characters. A very broad (no pun intended) range of just about every ethnicity, job, stereotype that you could think of. Very bad acting from our leading ladies here. I would like to think that Jack took this role on advice from his agent, who was probably drunk, and then quickly fired him. On a slightly different note, the cinematographer was one Dean Cundey. He has since gone on to bigger and better films such as Apollo 13.

In a desperate attempt to capitalize on "Charlie's Angels", this movie pits seven (six, really) buxom, bejumpsuited beauties against the evil forces of Peter Lawford, Jack Palance, and some oily guy, all three of whom are pushing drugs on kids (who weren't getting paid for speaking roles). Lawford and Palance were probably down in the wine cellar for most of the filming, but where else can you see Pat Buttram, Alan Hale, jr., Jim Backus AND Arthur Godfrey all drool over the same women in one flick? One of the best MST3Ks.