Geo-Disaster

Most reviewers don't get the low-budget disaster movie genre: terrible screenwriting, absurd dialogue, laughable effects and shockingly poor acting are a feature, not a bug. If you're expecting to care about any of the characters you're mistaking this for a screenplay. Of course it makes no real sense, lame stereotypical shallow characters speak at one another in wooden, poorly timed silly exposition; inexplicably emotional damp squibs that build to nothing, aparently fearful of some terrible demise from falling polystyrene and 90s CGI so bad it would make your eyes bleed.

If you're not crying with laughter at the utter bilge of it, then you're in totally the wrong mindset (maybe you're not on your 5th beer yet?) It's genuinely HARD to make dross this bad. A solid 4 out of 10 for making me laugh so much, without being a real film of course.

Nothing ruins an action movie more, than whiny teenagers who are self centred, selfish, shallow and thoroughly pathetic. A teenage girl who whines because she has to tear off the sleeve of her shirt to stop the bleeding of a badly injured person should be killed off in the first scene.

The makeup was not good,unless the actress who played the doctor at the observatory looks like a goulish crypt creeper......and THAT was before the devastation started.

"Geo-Disaster" is one of those movies so lame that becomes funny. The writer / director Thunder Levin does not have any sense of proportion and weight. For example, the gorgeous Natalie Pelletier´s leg is trapped by a beam in the staircase. Where a rectangular block beam like that would be used in a building? The weight would be at least 2 t, but the girls use a small bar to release her. Further, she does not have any injury and is capable to run. Matthew Pohlkamp is looking for an alternative route in a map with his son and the geologist while a car is slowly passing by them on a road. The girls escape from LA in motorcycles but the traffic jam is on both sides (out / into LA). They leave the motorcycles to run uphill through a road with tire tracks. The old man with crutch climbs the ladder to the roof of the store when the girls is looking for a signal in a neighborhood with parked cars when every now and then have a car passing by. The proportion of the waves is something very ridiculous. The landscape of Los Angeles shows a beautiful city in a sunny day. In addition, the special effects are one of the worst ever seen. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): "Geo-Disaster"

I'm giving this a wary 4 stars... rather than a typical 2 or 3 an Asylum film would ordinarily garner.

On the one hand, for an Asylum film it's not half bad. Which means it's not half good. The whole film (without spoilers) can be summed up as:

1) Something bad happens that puts the entire earth in danger 2) A couple or three local bad things happen that endanger a family and their friends 3) Nothing much else bad happens, evidently earth-wide. Birds are chirping, the catfish are jumping, let's go play some baseball.

In short, disappointing and VERY anti-climactic. The one overwhelming sensation I got from this film was surprise when the end credits started rolling. What, seriously, that was it?

I reserve 1-3 for BAD films... and this wasn't a "bad" film per se, just not very memorable. It doesn't make any point. It achieves little other than "family is important". It's like a "bad day in my life" flick... which is about all that this encompasses... one single day. One would think world-wide cataclysmic events would entail more than a single day of localized disaster. I guess the special effects team ran out of miniature volcanoes and tidal wave tubs.

It's better than most Asylum films... which is still below standard cinema standards. One just has to wonder: Is Asylum even capable of writing an actual script? Or do they just send actors out into an area with a camera crew, an on-the-scene idea-man, tell them all to wing it and then handle all the rest in the editing room? Wait, I think I just answered my own question.

This movie is so bad I'm breaking my lifelong rule of never reviewing a movie just to review this movie!

If I could have given it a negative star rating, I would have.

I can't even begin to describe how awful it is to watch. I managed 23 minutes of the most painful, eye-wateringly bad acting I have ever seen and that includes pre-schooler nativity plays.

Unless you're marooned on an island with only this movie for entertainment, or you're really, truly, absolutely, bored shitless, this is not a movie for watching - it's a movie to putting down and avoiding.