Kill 'em All - Uccidili tutti

Unfortunately, this has got to be one of Van Dammes worst films. It looks like after all those years of hard partying sure has caught up to him in 2017 as he looked pretty miserable in this. This makes Universal Soldier II look golden. The trailer looked like it would of been a cheesy, so bad it's good 90's throwback action film, but it was just plain bad. It did have a decent supporting cast and a couple of OK action scenes and it was a bit better than say Steven Seagal's stuff, but that isn't saying much. Overall, it's a shame this couldn't have been at least half decent considering Van Damme as of late seemed to have been doing better projects like his show - "Jean Claude Van Johnson". But with a movie like "Kill Em All" his action career doing movies like he used to are long and gone.

3/10

My Ratings: Story 1.00 : Direction 1.00 : Pace 1.25 : Acting 1.25 : Entertaining 1.25 Total 5.75 out of 10

So here we go... a leave your brain at the door extravaganza. This is what the Kickboxer King does best. Though, this is not his best film by a longshot. It is, as always, a thoroughly enjoyable waste of time. Who doesn't enjoy watching the bad guys getting their arses well and truly... and literally... kicked.

This isn't your basic revenge story, it has a little backstory to it that differs a tad from the usual fodder. Maybe this is why it needed three writers. Philip's dad is killed by the bad men, and Phil, quite rightly, wants revenge. So he trains, gets into shape, learns to kill, and then... well, he joins the bad men. Wait a minute, doesn't this mean he has to be like them, thus in effect, becoming them? Oh sorry, forgot to take my brain out. That's better. Now don't think about it, just admire and enjoy the kick-arsery. YEAH.

However, when Phil makes his move, he messes up and gets shot. After arriving at the hospital via an ambulance - why didn't the bad men finish him off... oops, thinking again. His gang mates turn up to finish the job. Not at all concerned about it being a public hospital.

Luckily for Phil, there's nurse Suzy to tend to his boo-boos and fix him up enough to kick arse. There's even a female bad guy so Nurse Suzy can flex her muscles and not feel too left out in the foot-to-arse stakes.

Mostly, the direction is average, though Director Peter Malota does a nice job with the pacing. This slow to begin with but speeds up nicely when the action starts. There are a couple of sections where he slows it down to help the story and to give the viewers a breather.

The shame about the whole affair though is the acting. Now I have, nothing but respect for Peter Stormare, he is a great actor (can you sense a but coming (?)), but (yeah, there it is) he feels as though he's not too fussed to be there. Maybe he needed to pay the utility bills that month and was running short. Just wish he'd put more heart into it. Truthfully, most of the cast seems nonplussed and lacking in the characterisations department. Good job they make up for it in the punching, kicking, and gouging division. Though I will say, Daniel Bernhardt does a great job and both Autumn Reeser and Maria Conchita Alonso have their moments.

That said, the most entertaining scene of the whole film is the father and son fight between Mr and Master Van-Damme. They ought to thank god their family isn't a dysfunctional one. I would hate to see their drunken Friday night slugfest after an argument... I take that back, I would love to see it, and in this movie you do.

This isn't a masterpiece of filmmaking or storytelling, but it is so enjoyable that I would happily recommend this to all the fans of Martial Arts Action Films and to those wondering what the fuss is about. Grab a beer, disengage the brain, sit back, and enjoy. Cheers.

Please kick arse over to my The Game Is Afoot and Holding Out For A Hero lists to see where this slice of Van-Damage ranks. Hopefully, you may find your next viewing pleasure too.

Take Care & Stay Well,

I may not a hardcore fan of JCVD that follow him from the early day of Bloodsport but i still acknowledge him as a great martial art artist and a fine action hero in his own right.Nowadays with the booming of CGI action movie people tend to forgot how awesome trashy over the top action movie staring him look like and with this movie Kill'em All i dare to say yes that man can still kick ass.The plot of this movie is very Die Hard like but it have a very good twist but sadly been dumb down by a horrible script.JCVD charm is still there and despite his age his spinning kick is as strong as ever but for the rest of the cast......not so much.The only one tried to put out a solid action scene beside JCVD is not his son Kris but a actress i never heard before named Autumn Reeser which surprise me a lot.Please don't go to this movie with a mindset of a critic but a young 90s teen you will have a good time

Jean Claude Van Damme is getting old, so he needs to take it easy these days with the action scenes. Here he shares the action with Autumn Reeser.

Van Damme plays Philip who ends up wounded at a hospital in America. Reeser plays Suzanne, an ER nurse who is patching him up when a bunch of European bad guys arrive and cause mayhem. Philip ends up saving Suzannne's life instead.

The film is told in flashback as Suzanne is being interrogated by two FBI agents. You will quickly gather that the film has an unreliable narrator and you can kind of guess the twist in The Usual Suspects kind of way.

The film wants to make some kind of statement about the break up of the former Yugoslavia, I thought the time span was all over the place.

The premise of this movie could have been good but the supporting characters Stormare and Alonzo as agents were just horrible. Their acting was just phoned in and unbelievable. What a shame. It got so bad I wanted to fast forward through their parts. Just get to the good stuff please! The editing in this flick left much to be desired as well. I just hope they had fun making it because it can't have made any money.