Buckle up, my fellow horror fans, because I've just stumbled upon a film that left me in a state of speechlessness - and not in a good way, mind you. Now, I'm not one to write reviews, but this cinematic atrocity has pushed me to do so.
I was feeling generous, so I'm giving a single star towards its well-executed special effects, but in a world where 2023 has raised the bar to sky-high standards, this film barely scrapes the term 'special.' Plus, there's a creepy-looking villain who could easily be mistaken for Art the clown's less intimidating cousin from Terrifier.
Let's talk plot, or should I say, the lack of it. This movie's storyline is so nonsensical that it doesn't deserve the dignified title of a plot. It's a baffling puzzle where every piece is missing, and trying to make sense of it will give you a headache.
To make matters worse, the entire cast of characters in this disaster is a parade of annoyance and unlikability. I'm convinced these actors are the remnants of a bargain-basement, last-resort acting class, and their performances are more cringe-inducing than a middle school talent show.
The dialogue is an absolute chore. It's not the kind of bad that'll have you in stitches like Tommy Wiseau's "The Room," but it's the bad that leaves you scratching your head, wondering how in the world this film ever got the green light.
And let's not forget the most essential part of a horror flick - the scare factor. In this case, there isn't one. It's as if the film-makers tried to conjure terror from a hat (literally), but all they pulled out were a few rabbits that looked more bored than frightening.
To sum it up, "Do Not Waste Your Time" should have been the official tagline of this cinematic disaster. This movie isn't scary, it isn't funny, and it makes as much sense as trying to solve a Rubik's Cube with oven mittson. Save yourself the agony and find something else to watch - anything else.
