Girls Gone Dead

Hands up if you like hot women. And hands up if you enjoy excessive violence. If you haven't got both hands high in the air, then you've got the wrong film, because babes and blood is what Girls Gone Dead is all about. Although described as a comedy/horror, decent laughs and scares are in short supply, while T&A and gore fill almost every frame.

The film sees six sexy girlfriends spending spring break together being targeted by a killer brandishing a massive warhammer (a cool weapon—part axe, part hammer). That's pretty much it as far as plot is concerned, at least until the unmasking of the maniac and we get a typical slasher explanation for their killing spree.

During the course of the film we get lots of skin from some very curvaceous cuties (blonde lead Katie Peterson and brunette Brandy Whitford are smokin'!), oodles of cool blood and guts courtesy of Marcus Koch, and fun cameos from cult icons such as ex-pornstar Ron Jeremy, scream queen Linnea Quigley, and teeny-tiny bug-eyed Howard Stern regular Beetlejuice (who gets his head chopped off!).

Obviously, it's all very puerile, but since when did a film have to be sophisticated to be fun?

I have a friend who believes that bad movies have to be ignored when it comes to writing a review, advising me numerously: "Don't glorify junk". I used to disagree with him, debating that even the junkest movies have to be reviewed; to learn about the different faces of "bad", to chronicle a movie despite its low quality, to spread awareness, or to register your opinion anyway.

This round, I swear, for the very first time in my life as a reviewer, I feel that he's right. Because just writing about (Girls Gone Dead) seems like a glorification of junk, rather filth!

So it's a slasher. And there are the forever usual goods: naked girls + cruel murders. Namely: nudity + gore. In more pure words: sex and violence. BUT made in the worst worst worst Z-movies' traditions!

The production is surreal. The sex factor is beyond inhuman. The performance is extremely painful. Long story short; the artistic everything is what really "Gone Dead"!

After Quentin Tarantino's (Grindhouse - 2007), as if a wave of so proud nonsense was born through many independent companies. They thought that they were making the genre badly, yet in a respected self-parodying and honoring manner. However, they impudently forgot to do anything right in the way!

The wicked subtlety was replaced by stubborn primitiveness. And parodying the stupidity was done by frank true stupidity. For little instance, some of the special effects look gross-out, not because it tries to cinematically look gross-out, but because they're actually gross-out!

The cyclopean marathon of "which was the worst?" doesn't end. I mean, was it the black midget?, was it the comedy?, was it the girls? No, it was my status while watching all of that, where "great" is deserved being said about one thing, and one thing only, in this movie: its superpower to make you vomit!

This is incredibly poor, abysmally dirty, and deadly ugly. As a horror, horror-parody, or even too-bad-it's-good movie; IT'S LOUSY. Though, to find any appropriate definition for it; I can say that it's a parody of the horror-parody, so horrifically bad, and no comic at all!

It kills you by ugliness; and what a cruel killing that is.

Is this the worst flick I've ever happened to view? no is it good? no. The very beginning seems promising enough(confusing shameful church sacrifice dream) there's some gore, but then we play into the rest of the movie.

What's good about it - the production value is pretty decent but only slightly better than some late night skinemax weekend movies. there's cameos by Ron Jeremy and beetlejuice(which even lowbrow his lines are funny) and Jerry the King Luller from WWE fame

Okay, so what's not good about it. Other than the opening sequence, it takes damn near half an hour for anything sinister to remotely happen. the girls' acting ranges from mediocre to subpar(even for a bmovie) I kept having to tell myself I'm too far in an need to just power through. this is even with gratuitous shots of breasts mixed in. No spoilers but the killer to me seemed easily identified to anyone who cared to wonder who's actually doing all the killing (I mean they didn't even throw in an obligatory red herring!) I want the last hour and a half of my life back.

What possessed me to rent this flick?I'm not per-say a T&A fan nor do I dig the current trough of contemporary,no-budget comedy/thrillers that pop-up on Thriller channel (say like "Andre the Butcher"-utter dreck which also features the ubiquitous Ron Jeremy).Or maybe it was Howard Stern regulars Beetlejuice and Sal the Stockbroker,a little but not really. Actually it was one-time scream queen Linnea Quigley that drew me to this,being a loooooong time fan of hers. She barely makes a cameo but it's nice to see her having a good time with her sparse material (playing a dive-Tiki bar owner with a fake Austrailian accent).I thought I would turn the disc off at that point,but I was pleasantly surprised.

The plot's pretty slasher-flick formula stuff.A straight-laced Christian girl joins her much more rowdy gal pals on a jaunt to a sparsely-populated Daytona for spring break.All the while,the hot-to-trot girls a stalked by a monk-like serial killer with a cherubic mask(a reference to "Valentine" maybe?).

Even someone with Beetlejuice's intelligence can figure out the killer's identity,even the weak plot twist at the end(a reference to "Scream 3" maybe?).But what matters is that you'll have fun getting there due to some truly inspired comic timing.Could this have been a better movie? Sure,with 60 x's the budget....but don't let that detract you,believe me,I've seen worse.

Like I said,a bigger budget would've improved this and the performances,while not Oscar caliber,are at least tolerable.The lead actress Katie Peterson is attractive and likable and the tantalizing Stewart and Whitford are hilariously bitchy.Other notables include ex-WWE great Jerry Lawlor as the goony sheriff,and the aforementioned Sal the Stockbroker,Beetlejuice,and as himself,Ron Jeremy,who curses aloud that he won't get his paycheck after the mayhem starts.

So rent this,get some brews,invite your frat bros to your dorm room and have a blast. I guarantee this'll put a smile on your face and it's 500x's better than "Piranha 2DD",which is more deserving of a 3.6% rating(no,actually lower)than "Girls Gone Dead".

Part of me was semi-intrigued, being someone who is no stranger to slasher films and has liked quite a lot and the idea interested me somewhat despite being ridiculous. A large part of me was apprehensive though, having heard it was not good and that it looked like one of those cheap and overdone films with a muddled tone.

Which, when watching it, was what 'Girls Gone Dead' essentially was. It is not a complete waste of time. It is also a long way from a good film as well. 'Girls Gone Dead' may not have insulted my intelligence and there are certainly far worse films. However, if it was trying to entertain, scare or both, 'Girls Gone Dead' failed quite badly on both counts, making the film, despite a few decent things, a chore to sit through. Am not hating or trying to be malicious, it is just my genuine stance on a film that didn't do anything for me as well as many others.

'Girls Gone Dead' doesn't look too awful, the photography and editing are not award-worthy but neither are too amateurish in quality. Some of the music is catchy.

The best thing are a couple of the cameos. In particular Beetlejuice and Sal injecting a much needed trashy charm.

However, the rest of the acting, from particularly the leads, is both overplayed and stiff. In all fairness they were hindered by hammy direction, constantly awkward and limp dialogue and that the film has no interesting or likeable character whatsoever.

The script is childish, flabby and even improvisatory-sounding. The story is not much of one and takes forever to get going, when it finally does it is not for long and it is too late to care. 'Girls Gone Dead' seemed like a comedy mixed with slasher horror, and over-emphasises the comedy too much.

Sadly, the comedy is not even close to being strong enough to make this imbalance not matter, it is completely witless, childish and so overdone it gets exhausting. The more horror-like elements are a long way from tense or suspenseful, generating little interest even. The kills were not creative and would go as far to say they were too tame, while the things there to by the film's definition "spice things up" (especially the nudity) came over as gratuitous and abused.

Overall, weak with nothing wild or killer. 3/10 Bethany Cox