Bad Meat

I'd read about Bad Meat's troubled production—how the original director was replaced and funding was cut—and was prepared for something truly terrible, so I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of fun I actually had with this crazy, gory, sexy, twisted little horror flick. Yes, it does suffer from some editing issues, with the hospital scenes feeling awkwardly inserted into the main story and an ending that leaves the viewer wondering what the hell just happened, but I found the rest of the film so insanely entertaining that it's easy for me to be forgiving.

The film takes place in Hardway Camp, an establishment in the middle of nowhere where exasperated parents can ship their unruly kids, safe in the knowledge that they will be thoroughly disciplined by the tough and uncompromising staff. Six new arrivals, three teenage boys and three (hot) teenage girls, are subjected to the camp's extreme regime, at least until the staff fall ill, the result of bad meat served to them by Hardway's unhappy chef. As the teens slowly come to realise what has happened, they start to think about making a bid for freedom, but any plans are put on hold as the seriously sick staff suddenly become a lot more lively, turning into cannibalistic monsters!

A refreshingly carefree 'anything goes' approach ensures that the action is never boring, with plenty of gruesome splatter and WTF? moments to astonish and disgust even the most jaded of viewers. I was particularly surprised by the S&M sex antics of two of the guards, which sees a sexy female guard and her male co-worker indulging in some eye-watering role reversal. Other memorable scenes include the same couple involuntarily vomiting in each other's faces, the rather nauseating dissection of a dead dog, one of the teenagers being woken up in a most unorthodox fashion, and the repeated application of an improvised stomach pump. The film also benefits from a high totty level: the aforementioned female guard dons sexy rubber attire, while all three of the delinquent girls are absolute babes and not averse to sauntering around in their underwear!

BAD MEAT is a horrible little film, a zero budget Canadian flick that seems to have aspirations to be the next Troma film. Certainly it's a waste of time for all but the most dedicated of B-movie veterans, as it's cheap looking, badly written, highly clichéd, and full of bad taste situations.

Now, I'm not adverse to a little bad taste here and there, as long as it's required by the plot. David Cronenberg is one of my favourite directors, after all. But the level of bad taste on here is just infantile as the filmmakers go out of their way to offend the sensibilities of their viewer. Characters eat the titular meat and are subject to fits of copious vomiting before they eventually turn into bloodthirsty zombies.

The boot camp plot line - the heroes are a group of wayward teenagers, all of them stereotypes - is a poor one and barely gets off the ground before the nonsense begins. The vomiting isn't even the worst - a scene where a woman has sex with a muscled black guy by using a strap-on on him is one of the most pointless I've ever watched. Once the zombie action kicks off, very little happens, and the gore is surprisingly mild given the unpleasantness that's come beforehand. The film also runs out of budget before the end, meaning the story ends abruptly halfway through so that you don't end up knowing the fate of the characters (not that you want to) while other sequences are excruciatingly drawn out.

Well, to be honest the story of troubled youth going to some camp has been done tons of times. But, this one had a twist, but I shall get to that in a minute. I actually liked all of the youth characters. Each one of them had a unique personality, and of course there had to be some machismo with at least two of the guys. I mean, it's a bit cliché, but it really worked on this film. I really liked that there was a character that was brought up with high spiritual convictions, but thought they were a lesbian. There were three girls in the film. The ultra "Christian" the in the middle understanding one, but with a totally jacked up mind from her childhood experiences. This is the one I call the "silent but deadly" type, one you didn't want to get on your bad side. Then of course there is the mean "bad ass" girl who thinks she can take on the world, hates everyone, and who is the catalyst that sparks negativity throughout the film. My favorite character was the one Franco played. In my opinion, he was the most believable. The camp director was a Hitler wannabe, the other guards were sexual deviants who were just there to fulfill some sick sexual urges, and to be mean to kids.

Once the turning point happened to where the guards "turned" into what ever it was that they were supposed to be, that's when the movie became completely STUPID. Bad Meat had me up until then, and after that...no thank you. Also, the patient in the hospital, they really screwed that up, first off with the horrible acting, and secondly, it really made no sense.

A group of wayward teenagers are sent to a boot-camp by their parents to teach them a lesson. The people running it are complete nutters and ridiculously unsavoury characters. I don't know why they're even running the boot-camp or how.

The kids are all cliché characters, irritating and unlikable. The acting is pretty terrible as is the script.

There is emphasis on what the staff running the camp are eating and the fact that they viciously kill a dog who won't stop barking. The film shows a random scene of two of the staff members having a bizarre sexual encounter and then becoming violently ill. Vomit in the grossest form is literally everywhere.

The staff then turn into crazed zombies and chaos ensues somewhat like a carry on film. It's all very silly and pointless. There is a survivor in the hospital that the film keeps cutting to who is basically a bloody, dripping mess covered in bandages. Who this person is, why, how etc... is not found out.

This 2011 comedy horror film is brought to us by director Lulu Jarmen on her debut, and it comes from the mind of Paul Gerstenberger. 6 bad teens (3 boys and 3 girls) are sent to a bootcamp which is in the middle of nowhere. The bootcamp specialises in reforming bad/troubled teenagers into model citizens. It is run by Doug Kendrew (Mark Pellegrino) and his nasty wardens. One night the chef cooks up some bad meat which that staff all eat. The food makes them seriously ill, and an additional side effect it turns them into flesh-eating zombie like maniacs. From there on in the film become about survival for the teens as they try to avoid being put on the menu themselves. Some of the zombie-wardens are outright feral, some are S&M gimps stalking the kids. There is lots of bloodshed, plenty of gore, and a lot of vomiting too.

The premise of the film is not something new - it combines summer camp slasher, cannibal zombies, hillbillies, hostel, hunter vs hunted chases, and some typical American "kids will save the day" concepts. It COULD have been quite good, albeit tongue in cheek at times - but it wasn't. The problem I had with it was that it was hard to watch for the wrong reasons. The pace of the film did not work, the editing was shocking, and despite building up certain in-film events, NOTHING is resolved because the film just ends abruptly. The acting was not much to write home about either, this is due to the poorly conceived stereotypical characters being portrayed. I gave this film a chance because of the synopsis I read about it, and because Mark Pelligrino is amusing in the Supernatural TV series. Yes, one of the Franco brothers is in the film, but it is not one of the more interesting ones and he certainly does not have much of a role in this. Unfortunately, the film turned out to be a let-down.

I think, given more time and more investment this film might not have been that bad. Due to the production issues it had though, the film ended up being one that will be remembered for the wrong reasons, rather than being an underground cult classic. Yes, plenty of gore. No, to much else. Pity.

And now, just the like the end of film did, I'm going to... (drops mic - walks away)