Bacterium

I'd like to sincerely thank the makers of this film, for showing that this type of thing can still get made.

Is Bacterium great art/cinema? No. But I like to imagine that the filmmakers may well have said, when it was all edited and done and the last booger flicked away, "No, we didn't have a kerjillion dollars, but we made this with all the love we have, and now we offer it to you. Have a blast." Yes -- that is corny. I'm getting old.

If you watched Deadly Spawn and loved it, give this a try.

Obviously low budget? Check. Acting that veers wildly from watchable to really bad? Check. Kind-of-cheesy score that harks back to the 1970s or (brrr) 1980s? Check. Script that has giant holes, couldn't really be called "well-crafted," but is occasionally quite clever? Check. Distinct lack of flawless, soulless CGI? Check. Other distinct lack of Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner standing around being out-acted by the cinematography? Double check.

Friends, I didn't think this was even possible any more. Okay, Bacterium has longeurs, especially early on, but once the booger monsters get going, watch out! And these brave, brave actors: they may not rise to the levels of your Olivier or your Carrot Top, but -- they not only do fierce battle with big balls of half-dried snot, they sometimes roll around in them.

In the end I love Bacterium 200,000% more than any given product of multi-million-mega-McDisney-wood, if only because it ISN'T all about the money.

'Bacterium' is a movie almost impossible to vote for, because from one minute to the next, it mutates from a 1 to a 10 or vice versa. The scene where the scientist talks about his super-bomb, while the politicians don't understand a word of his scientific explanations and decide to just toss a coin (to bomb or not to bomb, that is the question) is the funniest scene of that kind since 'Dr Strangelove'. On the other hand, the movie has rather tedious scenes in the military guys' HQ and the house as well, for example when the kids are watching the monster crawling in circles and growing a bit, then crawling some more and growing some more... you might watch the pond with the goldfish instead. Of course you would miss the hot chick then, taking her clothes off for a decontamination shower. Strangely enough, no-one else in the whole movie needed a decontamination shower, must be one of those purely coincidental things. In the end, with its ingredients (bikers, monsters, mad scientists), 'Bacterium' is cool despite the occasional flaws (paint-ball?) along the way.

This movie is truly a work of art it was made at the old fort totten military base which i absolutely admire. Such a great way to reuse old buildings that are no longer in use. A shame they don't use them any more. Wish there was more like it. Overall here and there it is a little choppy but it's still a great movie but there was definitely some unnecessary nudity during the movie that made the film awkward to watch with my mother 😬😬 but it's ok because she put a robe on. I really enjoyed how this was such a unique movie that i've never seen anything like before the creativity was out of the world and really helped me become more in depth with the fort totten area.

We should have known better. I've long had a theory that any film with a title ending in 'um' or 'ium' will turn out to be utter bilge, as it will have been made by students who think such a title gives their feeble movie an air of class or artiness. Here we have the perfect example. Attractive girls removing their clothes may help take your mind off the junk that passes for plot and acting, but in the end it doesn't get us very far. Avoid.

Unable to finish film due to crying of laughter and needing to pause, the nightmare/dream scene is one of the best in cinema history; the only film I've watched that rivals the lord of the rings.