Satan's Black Wedding

After writer Nina (Lisa Milano) inexplicably commits suicide, her brother, Hollywood actor Mark Gray (Greg Braddock), tries to find out why, his investigation leading him to an old church where a cult of vampires plan to invoke the devil to preside over an unholy 'black wedding'.

Even with a scant running time of just over an hour, Satan's Black Wedding, from director Nick Millard, is still a real test of endurance, the film being inept in almost every department: the script is crazy bad, amateur actors struggle to keep their plastic joke-shop fangs in place, the blood is obviously bright red paint, the day-for-night shooting still looks like broad daylight, the sound is diabolical (in one scene, the dialogue is almost drowned out by the noise of nearby traffic and passing aircraft), and a pair of rats look embarrassed to be involved (at least the humans had a say in the matter).

While some people clearly enjoy Millard's work for its sheer clumsiness, I can't bring myself to rate it any more than 2/10—the same low rating that I also gave to Millard's previous movie, Crazy Fat Ethel (1975).

"Satan's Black Wedding" is in no way a good movie. But, It isn't all that bad of a no budget film. Sure, there are many grade B through Z horror films that are good and bad, but this one is actually entertaining in a strange sort of way. Don't Expect "The Omen" or "Rosemary's Baby" with this one, but check it out if you can find it.

The storyline isn't anything to original as it starts with a woman slitting her wrists and bleeding to death. Go ahead a few days and we are at her funeral with her brother and few others. Her brother, whom is a Hollywood actor, decides to check out the place in which she did herself in. When he gets there he discovers that the police scene hasn't been changed and that there is blood all over the place. The police detective doesn't believe this to be a suicide thus starting the brothers search for what actually happened, leading him into a dark world of vampires with silly looking teeth.

First I should say that the special effects are definitely grade Z. No gore but an extreme amount of blood. The vampire teeth are just hilarious as they look like something that you could buy from Wal-Mart. The movie did have some nice atmosphere with a halfway decent soundtrack minus a few moments where the pitch got way to high and it hurt my ears. The acting was also silly going from mediocre to just plain bad. Especially during a love scene that is about as boring as watching the grass grow. Last, but not least, check out the very end of the movie at the "The End" screen and listen to the music fade off horribly. It was just hilarious.

I got to recommend this to anyone that loves 70's low budget cinema. Definitely worth the time. 7/10

This is an obscure little low-budget exploitation flick from the mid-70's. Just how obscure are we talking? Well, this review will be number six here at IMDb. Only three actors are being credited for this movie, if the cast list is any indication. This flick is so unheard of that nobody involved with it even bothered to track down the five or six other actors that appear in this movie. That's saying quite a lot, really. I personally acquired this on a triple-movie DVD set along with two other Nick Millard movies, CRIMINALLY INSANE and its sequel. I have no idea what the other options are in terms of availability for SATAN'S BLACK WEDDING.

This movie was released during a time when horror often dealt with Satanism and the rise of the devil himself. It very much rides the coattails of popularity from similarly-themed movies such as ROSEMARY'S BABY and THE EXORCIST and even lesser-known titles from the drive-in movie circuit. SATAN'S BLACK WEDDING was definitely a bandwagon-jumper, and not an especially good one, at that.

First, the good things about this movie: as other reviews have mentioned, the atmosphere is very dark and spooky, in a way unseen in later horror films. The opening shots of a Goya painting, coupled with creepy, off-kilter piano music, certainly set the stage for a genuinely disturbing movie. The score for this movie was very well placed, as were many of the sets and locations.

On the other hand, this is a very cheap movie, and finding professional actors must have been rather tricky. Many of the actors, most of whom are not listed on IMDb, were pretty wooden. The special effects aren't much to write home about, either. The bright red "70's blood," as I call it, is to be expected, but the vampire teeth used for the undead Satanists looked as though they were purchased out of one of those 25-cent vending machines seen in the opening walkways at your local department stores--the kind you might have used as a child while completing a Dracula costume for Halloween. It's hard to be scared of creatures with those plastic monstrosities sticking out of their mouths.

The plot is pretty basic. Mark, a young actor and Elvis Presley lookalike, arrives in town to investigate the mysterious death of his sister. As he continues searching, he finds that she was involved in a bizarre underground cult of devil-worshippers who, through some sort of dark rites, are able to reanimate the dead as some sort of Satanic vampire things that bite necks and suck the blood from the living.

This is a fun movie for those who enjoy cheap horror flicks that virtually nobody has ever heard of. I can honestly recommend this for that crowd. For those who prefer a higher-budget flick or something that had a little more talent behind it, I'd suggest steering clear of this one.

"Satan's Black Wedding" doesn't quite have that irresistible "what the hell am I watching?"-factor that Nick Millard's much more famous effort "Criminally Insane" had but hell, if Millard can't put a smile on my face anymore you can honestly pull the plug on me. Just check out his unique editing style, the guy can't splice in a shot realistically to save his life but that's why we love him. Who cares if two actors talking to "each other" don't even appear to be in the same ZIP code, it's all just part of the charm. Especially if one of those actors is the otherwise completely unknown Ray Myles, who gives a genuinely excellent performance as some sort of half-vampire, half-satanist (have your cake and eat it too). Lead Greg Braddock is somewhat less impressive, but his amazing underacting is a spectacle in its own right. He walks into a room covered with blood with a look on his face like he just found out the supermarket is all out of his favorite shampoo. My sister died a gruesome death, I am...mildly irritated? Nick Millard is a huge cinephile though, and occasionally this almost shows here. Some shots in this movie are actually quite stylish, there's some "Nosferatu" influence in there but it's tough to be classy if your vampires have plastic fangs. But still, I was sorta into this from time to time. The cinematography looks good, the music is repetitive but creepy nonetheless, this really is quite above Millard's standards. It's not quite as entertaining as some of his other work, but it's almost what you call accessible. If only it had an actual ending instead of just stopping at a random moment, that would have helped it even more.

Nick Millard's previous film, Criminally Insane, about a fat lady killing anyone who gets between her and her food, was a no-budget classic but this one misses the mark. The atmosphere is creepy enough and there's fang-baring and bloodletting but the film ultimately fails to deliver the hellacious conclusion it hints at. Lead Greg Braddock is so wooden he could be replaced by a bookcase. The scenes where he talks are stultifyingly boring. Ray Myles on the other hand brings a malevolent energy to his role as an undead priest and the film noticeably improves whenever he's on screen. Fans of Andy Milligan might dig the general depravity here but I found it a pretty hard slog.