Backwoods

Karen (Christine Noonan), the female protagonist from backwoods slasher Geek, has got to be one of the most irritating horror movie heroines I've ever seen, totally deserving of the suffering she endures: she completely ignores a helpful park ranger's advice by choosing to camp in an area shunned by locals (they're not going there for a reason, you silly bint!); she refuses to listen to reason from her boyfriend Jamie (Brad Armacost), forcing him to accept an invitation to dinner from redneck Eben (Dick Kreusser), despite the fact that, moments earlier, he had held a loaded shotgun to Jamie's head; she skinny dips alone at a remote lake, without questioning the wisdom of such an act; and she not only insists that Jamie goes 'coon hunting with Eben, leaving herself at the mercy of Eben's drooling retard of a son William, but she decides that then would be a good time to strip off, giving William an eyeful of her nekkid bod.

William, whose hobby is biting the heads off small critters (especially chickens), rather unsurprisingly wigs out at the sight of Karen's tatas, and tries to attack her, at which point the film offers up some reasonable thrills followed by a neat finale in which Karen sets up a nasty trap involving fish-hooks and a bag full of rocks. Unfortunately, this comes very late in the day, after lots of dull wandering around the woods, and a drawn out scene in Eben's cabin in which Jamie and his hillbilly host get drunk on moonshine. If it wasn't for Karen's occasional nudity to alleviate the boredom, getting to the (unbelievably silly) end of Geek would be tougher than a three day hike through the backwoods of Kentucky.

3.5 out of 10, rounded up to 4 for IMDb.

It's a shame that this lovely site doesn't feature a poster image of this 'Geek', a.k.a Backwoods. The VHS copy I rented showed a mad-raving freak, waving around a butcher's hatchet. It attracts horror lovers and, in all honesty, I have to admit that the cover motivated me to rent it without knowing anything about it. Big mistake, of course! Backwoods stands as one of the lousiest pieces of trash I ever beheld…and that does mean something! This film is a bloodless 80's slasher and that's about the worst idea possible. The makers clearly intended to bring tension and dept instead of blood and gore but they failed miserably. After an hour of viewing, you still haven't seen any of the cast-members dying (unless you think decapitated chickens are gruesome). What other reasons do you have for seeing a slasher besides teen-butchering??? The heart-breaking story about a lone Kentucky farmer and his deranged son? The thrilling adventures of a young couple camping? The only aspect worth mentioning is the eerie opening/end credits song. The slowly sung and chilling lyrics give you the wrong impression that you're about to watch a good film. Check out 'Deliverance', 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', 'Just before Dawn', 'The Hills have Eyes' or even Rick Roessler's 'Slaughterhouse' instead! Anything but this turkey!

Backwoods (1987)

** (out of 4)

By-the-numbers slasher has a couple from the city deciding to go to Kentucky for some camping. They're warned not to go down one path but of course they do and before long they meet an elder man. What the couple doesn't know is that the old man has a retarded and deranged son.

BACKWOODS is a film that I'm guessing went straight-to-video back in the day. There's no question that it didn't have too much money on its budget and if you're expecting a classy production then forget it. With that said, if you're a fan of slasher movies and need to see them all then I must admit that this here is much better than several of the slashers out there that had a bigger budget and better cast.

As it stands this here is a pretty routine movie. The two idiots don't listen to the warnings and before long they're dealing with a maniac redneck. The VHS cover bragged about this being as frightening as DELIVERANCE but of course that's certainly not true. This film wants to be like that masterpiece but also appeal to horror fans but the lack of any real gore and the lack of killings will keep it pretty much forgotten to most people.

The performances are pretty much what you'd expect but I did enjoy Dean Crow's direction. I thought he did a good job with the atmosphere and the setting was very good as well. BACKWOODS isn't a masterpiece, a good film or even a very memorable one but it's mildly entertaining for what it is.

Dean Crow's "Backwoods" is nothing special.The film itself is quite entertaining as it reminds me a little bit "Luther the Geek".Jack O'Hara,who plays William,is truly amazing as a drooling and bearded weirdo.He kills chickens by biting their heads off and goes mad on numerous occasions.The film offers plenty of female nudity and a little bit of gore.The action is rather slow-moving,but the climax is pretty suspenseful and memorable.So if you're a fan of low-budget horror give this one a look-just don't expect something scary or original.My rating:6 out of 10.Here are my other recommendations:"Just Before Dawn","Hunter's Blood","Blood Tracks","Blood Salvage" and "The Hills Have Eyes".

A low budget gem with surprisingly good actors and a plot that leaves you wondering who the real bad guy is. It's a shame that Dick Kreusser hasn't had many roles because his acting was the star of the show.

Scares 3/10 Tension 7/10 Gore 4/10 Nudity 10/10 Entertainment 10/10

Plot 5/10 Characters 5/10 Pacing 4/10 Music 3/10 Cinematography 5/10

Final score 5.8/10