Der Skipper

Kill Cruise is one of those hard to find movies that any Liz Hurley fan must see. An early film in Liz's career, that can only mean one thing. Nudity. Not only do you get to see Liz in the buff, you get to watch two love scenes with her at her best. Patsy Kensit co stars with Liz in this very sexy and dark story. Check it out if you can find a copy. The DVD just recently came out nationwide.

I enjoyed this movie a lot more than it deserved! The three main characters were so well portrayed that it kept me hooked despite the fact that I never did understand what motivated the girls, Liz Hurley and Patsy Kensit. The surprise ending possibly made it seem better than it was, because it didn't really make sense. In this movie the parts were better than the whole, which is weird.

I'm not sure what I expected from a film starring two of the worst actresses ever to (dis)grace the silver screen, but Kill Cruise is even worse than I could have imagined. This is possibly the first thriller without any thrills. In fact, it should be re-named "Two Irritating Slappers Stuck On A Yacht".

The film begins promisingly. Patsy Kensit (Su) and Liz Hurley (Lou) perform an appalling musical number in a club and then Liz performs an impromptu strip, flashing her boobs. Unfortunately, the comedy ends there. Su and Lou pick up a drunken German skipper (an embarrassed looking Juergen Prochnow) for what I assume was a threesome and decide to sail with him to Bermuda. Shortly into the trip, Su becomes jealous of the relationship developing between Lou and the skipper and generally behaves like an idiot. This jealousy then escalates into general insanity.

Kill Cruise doesn't even have the decency to be a mildly amusing "Dead Calm" rip off. That film exploited the claustrophobic atmosphere of a yacht to magnificent effect. Kill Cruise doesn't even bother, in fact nothing really happens. The most thrilling moment is probably when everyone falls asleep and the ship hits some empty oil barrels. Now that will have you on the edge of your seat. The finale itself is so anti-climactic that it borders on being shameful. The twist is utterly nonsensical and the epilogue is so stupid and irrelevant that it almost defies belief.

The only reason I give this film 3 stars instead of 1 is out of sympathy for Juergen Prochnow, who does his best despite the ridiculous material that he has to work with. The only other thing the film has going for it is the opportunity to laugh at the amazing lack of acting ability displayed by Liz and Patsy. What a sorry pair.

Kill Cruise really is an exercise in futility. If you are going to make a thriller, please provide some thrills. And if you are going to disguise your dull epic as a "character study", then at least flesh out the characters and try to make their actions vaguely believable. This is one cruise you will be happy to skip.

This is a very interesting film which will keep your attention and at the same time entertain you right to the very end of the film. This film deals with two women, Sue (Patsy Kensit) and Elizabeth Hurley, (Lou) who enlist the services of a washed up drunken man named Jurgen Prochnow, ( The Skipper) who is a German Sailor and he owns a sailing vessel and is requested by the police authorities in the West Indes to leave their port. The Skipper meets up with these two young women in a night club called the "California" where he girls perform and sometimes give more than they are asked for. Eventually, these girls decided to sail to Barbados with the Skipper and this ride starts all kinds of sparks between two females, a dog and the Skipper, who pays very little attention sexually to these women. One of the girls finally gets some love and complete attention and the other girl gets very upset and starts all kinds of problems. You will never guess how this film ends and it is very suspenseful and will keep you on the edge of your seats. Enjoy

The original box for the video featured Patsy Kensit, who at that time looked like she was going to become a big star. It never happened, & now Elizabeth Hurley (who receives third billing) is featured on the front of the video box. My, how things change! This is a slow moving but very unusual & interesting character study of three people on a small boat, traveling from Gibralter to Barbados. The acting is superb (especially Kensit & Prochnow, both of whom have much charisma), the changing small group dynamics are very interesting for viewers who like character studies, & there's quite a surprise in the plot. Notice the double standard of Kensit's character as she first has sex with a man (in exchange for something she expects but never gets) & then disapproves her friend's (Hurley's) going a bit "too far" after their burlesque dance routine. It's this same ambiguity that drives her character throughout the movie. Hurley is shown semi-nude briefly a couple of times, so that may either peak your interest or turn you off; not for younger viewers. Stick with it during the slow moments, it's worth it. I rate it 8/10.