Body Bags

Movie-buffs (and perhaps horror fanatics in particular) are strange and unpredictable beings, aren't they? Most of the time we're extremely skeptical and criticize ambitious new projects, yet sometimes we're easily pleased and highly enthusiast about something that is completely derivative, mundane and unoriginal. "Body Bags" is the perfect example to illustrate that: it's a horror omnibus existing of three incredibly prototypic segments and a repetitive type of wraparound story, yet I personally enjoyed it immensely. This is a good old-fashioned "sit back, relax and switch off all brain functions" type of anthology with a nice diversity in suspense, comedy, splatter and absurdity. Yet, the undeniable strongpoint of "Body Bags" is the all-star horror cast and crew, with legendary actors and even directors of the genre appearing in fun supportive roles and insignificant cameos. No less than John Carpenter directs two out of three stories and even stars as the host in the wraparound story. Clearly inspired by "Tales from the Crypt", Carpenter plays the witty and morbid morgue employee exactly like the infamous Crypt Keeper; though with still a little more flesh around the bones (though not too much). The first story was the most effective one! Regardless of how clichéd, repetitive and predictable "The Gas Station" is, it's a genuine horror entertainment. With the landmark "Halloween", Carpenter obviously proved he's the undeniable master of stalk-and-slash movies, and "The Gas Station" ideally fits the pattern. During her first night working in a remote gas station, Anne receives a visit from the maniacal killer who's been terrorizing the area since weeks. It's a highly segment with cool red herrings, dumb decisions, some good gore and a neatly uncanny atmosphere. The remaining two stories are slightly less overpowering, mainly because they revolve on sillier topics. "Hair" introduces an aging playboy who cannot accept his hairline becoming thinner. He desperately starts seeking for a hair-growing method that works and finds the incredibly treatment of the slightly odd Dr. Lock. Needless to say Richard's new hairdo begins to lead its own life with terrible consequences. "Hair" is obviously the most blackly comical chapter of the three. This story isn't gory or tense, but it's a very likable satire about vanity. Finally, "Eye" centers on a successful and happily married athlete who loses his eye in a tragic car accident. He spontaneously volunteers for a brand new and risky eye-transplant procedure and slowly begins to carry on with his life. Shortly after, he begins to suffer from horrific visions and learns the eye's previous owner was a sadistic serial killer. "Eye" starts off a little slow and dull, but gradually turns into an exciting and gruesome little shock-story. With a bit of imagination, you could even interpret this segment as some sort of predecessor for the more famous Asian ghost story "The Eye". Admittedly none of the stories are extraordinary brilliant or innovating, but they're definitely traditional and enthusiastically made. And, as said already, if you don't care about the actual stories, you can always yourself entertain by playing "spot-the-horror-star". "Body Bags" boosts an amazing cast including John Carpenter ("Halloween"), Tobe Hooper ("The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"), Sam Raimi ("The Evil Dead"), Roger Corman ("Pit and the Pendulum"), Wes Craven ("Nightmare on Elm Street"), Robert Carradine ("Orca"), David Naughton ("American Werewolf in London"), George Buck Flower ("The Fog"), Stacy Keach ("Mountain of the Cannibal God"), David Warner ("The Omen"), Mark Hamill ("Star Wars"), Twiggy ("The Doctor and the Devils"), Deborah Harry ("Videodrome") and Charles Napier ("Supervixens").

Three short stories in the horror genre: The first about a serial killer. The second about a hair transplant going wrong. The third about a base ball player who receives a questionable eye transplant.

The sad truth is that giving this film as high a rating as I did really comes down to one thing: the endless supply of guest stars from the horror genre (and beyond). Who can dislike a film with Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper and more? That is incredible.

As for the film itself, it is about average. The acting and directing are fine, and the gore really starts to add up in the third segment. But the script was really nothing special, and I am not shocked that Showtime declined to turn this into a regular series (any given episode of "Masters of Horror" is better).

The disc from Scream Factory makes this average film a little something more, with plenty of insight from Stacy Keach, John Carpenter and producer Sandy King. Horror fans may think the movie is average, but you are bound to learn a few things from the commentary.

Body Bags is a horror anthology film that was intended as a pilot for a Tales from the Crypt knock-off TV series. Thankfully, that series never came to pass. Now it serves as a curiosity for fans of the two big directors attached, John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper. Both Carpenter and Hooper were past their primes by the time this film aired, though Carpenter had substantially more gas left in the tank than Hooper. Body Bags provides further proof of this fact. It features three stories; the first two directed by Carpenter, the last directed by Hooper.

Right from the start, the obvious attempt to mimic Tales from the Crypt is evident as we are greeted by a ghoulish-looking coroner who presents the film's stories. The coroner is played by John Carpenter himself, who tries his cackling best to emulate the Cryptkeeper from Tales. Carpenter's acting here is atrocious and it would come as no surprise to me if the TV execs who watched this pilot turned it off within minutes due to this opening.

"The Gas Station" is about a new attendant (Alex Datcher) on the night shift at a gas station who is stalked by a escaped killer. The second story, "Hair," is about a man (Stacy Keach) obsessed with his thinning hair. So obsessed he is willing to try an experimental treatment. It works too well, however, as his hair won't stop growing. The last story is called "Eye." It's about a baseball player (Mark Hamill) who loses his eye in a car accident. He's given a new eye in an experimental surgery and, you guessed it, the eye belonged to a murderer. And what's this? Now the killer's spirit is taking over his whole body and making him want to kill! This was such an original story....in the 1920s or '30s. The film ends but not before Carpenter does some more schtick as the coroner character, including a bad twist.

The first story is easily the best and has touches of classic Carpenter. The second story is passable despite the lame twist ending that is telegraphed early on. The third story is another derivative Hands of Orlac story. It was done many times before 1993 and at least a few times since. Hooper seems more concerned with shock scenes and gore than building any kind of suspense. Truly a mess. The movie's only merits are in the Carpenter segments. Good score, tense direction, fun cameos from the likes of Wes Craven. The best I can say about the Hooper segment is that Mark Hamill did a decent job. Overall, it's a mixed bag film that gets worse as it goes along.

Director John Carpenter narrates three stories as a walking corpse that must have been a real bad stand-up comic in life. The humour is generally very sophomoric(one scene depicts a rather bosomy lady corpse having troubles being slid in and out of the dead body drawer), but Carpenter actually handles the material very well. Carpenter also directs two of the stories, and Tobe Hooper(The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) directs the third(as well as has a small role as a mortician). The stories each are very different in style, mood, and tone, and each has something to offer in terms of entertainment. The first is probably the most derivative in terms of plot, but also for me was the most frightening. Sexy(very sexy) Alex Datcher plays a woman taking a new job at a 24hr open gas station in a town where many women/people have been killed in serial fashion. Carpenter holds no punches as he tries to make us jump from our seats. Although this story is predictable, it has a lot of suspense. The second story was a funny tale about a balding man that goes to a weird place for hair implants only to discover that he is being used in some horrifying way. Pure laughs with this one as Stacy Keach plays the hair-obsessed man with comic aplomb. David Warner also does a great job playing the Hair Doctor. Sexy Sheena Easton and Debbie Harry also help(they are quite good at teasing hair I'm sure!. The third story is the best-written and directed one as it tells the story of Mark Hamil, a baseball player that loses his eye in an auto accident and has it replaced with the eye of a serial killer. Naturally the eye takes over the rest of the body(shades of The Hands of Orlac here). A very eerie, taught piece of storytelling. All three stories are populated with the greats of the horror genre like John Agar, Roger Corman, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, and a host of other recognizable faces. Great to see Twiggy again! Body Bags is just plain fun fare. There is no statement trying to be made, no overall theme, just some honest laughs mixed with some honest scares amidst the backdrop of a little sex and lots of guts.

Three stories courtesy of John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper, sounds like it can't miss, right? The results are mixed, but pretty interesting all the same.

The Gas Station is vintage Carpenter. Here he maximizes the effect from a truly simple premise and creates a genuinely scary story. It's simple, but the final minutes are riddled with tension and general uneasiness. The best of the bunch.

Hair is a truly funny story with a terrific performance by Stacy Keach. It goes way over the top towards the end, but still, it's highly amusing for the most part.

Eye, the weakest of the three, due to it's complete and utter predictability and complete failure of generating any real chills. It's fun to see Hamill and it's pretty gory but that's about it.

One terrific story, one pretty good and one pretty bad, all in all, it's worth watching but it's nothing spectacular.