Beach Babes from Beyond

What a cast this movie has! Estevez! Stallone! Swayze! Travolta! Especially surprising given this is a micro budget beach movie. Oh wait...wait...my researchers have just handed me a piece of paper - the actual cast is Joe Estevez, Jackie Stallone, Don Swayze and Joey Travolta....does that still count? Linnea Quigley's in in as well, does that make up for this? Well, I'll let you decide. Its about a trio of alien babes who arrive on a Californian beach and a whole bunch of barely interesting things follow. Its also worth mentioning that this one also features a knuckle-headed beach band who play a song called 'I've Got a Woody'.

I recently watched Beach Babes from Beyond (1993) on Prime. The story centers on a group of alien young ladies who crash their fathers' spacecraft on Earth in California while out for a cruise. They meet some young men facing eviction, and the ladies offer to help the boys keep their house in exchange for assistance in getting back home.

This movie is directed by David DeCoteau (Puppetmaster III) and stars Joe Estevez (The Roller Blade Seven), Don Swayze (Evasive Action), Linnea Quigley (The Return of the Living Dead), Joey Travolta (Beverly Hills Cop III), Jackie Stallone (The Appointment) and Burt Ward (Batman).

This movie essentially falls into the softcore porn category, with extended, awkward sex scenes. It's filled with full-frontal nudity, classic softcore background music, and an enticing shower scene during the opening credits. The storyline attempts to mimic the feel-good 80s comedies but primarily serves as a pretext for sexual encounters. The sex scenes are drawn out and may leave even the actors feeling uncomfortable. While the outfits are well chosen, the final "fundraising scene" drags on awkwardly and feels like a poorly executed 90s late-night music video.

In conclusion, this movie is not recommended unless you're specifically seeking a softcore porno film. I would rate this a 3/10 and suggest it only if you have the right expectations.

Patrick Swayze's BROTHER??? Charlie Sheen's UNCLE??? Sylvester Stallone's MOTHER??? John Travolta's BROTHER??? Batman's SIDEKICK??? What's not to love? All we need is Clint Howard, LaToya Jackson, and Ron Reagan to make it perfect.

Watched this for the funny casting. I did chuckle quite a bit at the thought of the advertising posters for this clunker. Stallone, Swayze, Travolta, Estevez!

However, the film is terrible. It consists of a handful of scenes, some of which are stretched out to 10+ minutes. Take away the soft-porn sex scenes and 'extras dancing at a beach party' scenes, and you're left with about 15 minutes of film.

Estevez is actually not too bad as the beach bum uncle. The rest of the cast were awful.

Back in the early 90's, when the world of "Skinemax" was just beginning and most of the films back then either starred Shannon Whirry or Shannon Tweed, there was a little sub-genre of the B-movie experience called the "bikini movie." This film, "Beach Babes From Beyond", falls into that category. There were so many "bikini" films made during that period, it was unreal....they single-handedly kept "USA Up All Night" on the air and kept Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear gainfully employed.

The premise of this movie is simple: take three intergalactic space babes, supposedly on a shopping spree with Daddy's spaceship and Daddy's money, and crash-land them on the sunny beaches of California. That should be it right there....the rest of the movie should deal with them attempting to have sex with as many surfer dudes as possible and go home happily satisfied. Instead, we get a variation of STSWB, or "Save The Something With Breasts." A simple plot device, actually. In order to save a (carwash/hotel/drive-in/old decrepit house) from (destruction/a buy-out/foreclosure/an evil relative), a group of girls get in bikinis and try to raise a certain amount of cash in a very short time. It's a tried and true formula that works every time.

The girls offer to enter a bikini contest in order to raise the money. We need an antagonist, so enter Linnea Quigley, a B-movie legend, to send her legion of bikini-clad models in to win the prize. We know how it ends (the good guys always win, you know), so let's not dwell on it.

I had to pop in the tape of this film again to make sure I gave it the correct grade, and fortunately I did. Here's your chance to see Nikki Fritz before she became a soft-core film staple, and the cast is littered with the relatives of actual A-list actors. I guess riding coattails wasn't enough for these folks, they actually want to work for a living!

This film comes in way behind "The Bikini Carwash Company" in the "bikini film" category. In my opinion, "Bikini Summer 3" is barely (and I do mean BARELY) better than this movie, and that's not saying much.

Women: C (The women were okay, nothing spectacular. They looked like I could walk down the street and probably bump into one of them. In films like these, that ain't good.)

Sex: D (Sex? If you call hugging gently while naked, but no actual movement going on "sex", then go right ahead--but I won't.)

Story: D+ (STSWB movies don't do well with me unless there's a whole lot of slapstick comedy, as there was in "Bikini Carwash Company.")

Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, saved from failure by Linnea Quigley's funny character, the only one with any real development. Don't get me started on old "Uncle Bud." His "aging hippie/surfer dude" character is too one-dimensional.)

In short, if you're channel flipping and happen to stop on it randomly, then watch it. If not, it's okay....you won't be missing much.