Blood Diner

This movie isn't as bad as it seems. I am sure that when they made it they weren't thinking "Academy Award". It has it's low points, as do all B-movie horror flicks. But this movie is really funny, all I am going to say is "corndog head". There is a part in the movie involving the van that made me laugh so hard I watched it over and over and over again. I would recommend this movie to any b-movie junky or any one with a sense of humor!

I played a zombie in BLOOD DINER and believe me when I tell you, it was such a bizarre and sickening experience that I plan to devote an entire chapter to the nightmare in my memoirs. I have worked on a lot of films, and I mean a LOT, and I can say with all confidence that the depravity of the project, inhuman working conditions and incompetence of the production have been unequaled, and will be fresh in my mind if I die of Alzheimer's disease at the age of 300.

So many people walked off the set in the middle of production, that they ended up hiring homeless people and crackheads off the streets of Hollywood to fill in the ranks. They probably even gave some of them lines. Half of the female cast were literally called into casting on the basis of spreads in JUGGS magazine. The writer, who later became a good friend of mine (before I knew he had written the thing), had played Mengele in SURF Nazis MUST DIE (one of my favorite, and the most depraved of all Troma films).

Jimmy Maslon, the producer, has a reputation as one of the cheapest and most thoughtless coke-head producers in Hollywood (he forgot to feed the zombies on so many occasions, that to keep the rest of us from walking off one day, he ran to the store and bought us some generic white bread and baloney, from which we made our own sandwiches).

And don't get me started about Jackie Kong. "The Dragon Lady," as she was known to all who worked with her, will have a special mention in the book.

Suffice to say, that she once spent six hours on a 2 minute dialogue scene, while her zombies were sitting around in cheap gel make-up, which had completely melted off our faces by the time we got around to our scenes.

All that said, it actually is a pretty funny movie. I don't think any of the actors realized it was going to be though. In fact, I don't think anybody did but the zombies, who were all wasted on weed and CLUB margaritas the whole time -hic- ;-)

I avoided seeing this movie for a long time, for director Kong doesn't exactly have a good track record. Then after hearing several positive opinions of it, I decided to take a chance.

I loved it! Very sick and black, and very funny. Two hilarious performances by the actors playing the brothers, and right-on deadpan performances by others. The style of the movie and the kind of humor make me wonder if Peter Jackson saw this before making BRAINDEAD (a.k.a. DEAD ALIVE).

One flaw in the movie is the obviously low budget. Though the movie gets by many times, there are a few scenes that look really cheap. Especially during the end, where the low budget really hurts what could have been an awesome climax (though it's still good.)

Horror-comedy is something very difficult to do. So many films tried this blend of genres in the 1980s and failed miserably: Ghoulies 3, TerrorVision, pretty much anything Troma ever did. And only a few truly brilliant filmmakers were able to really succeed at this: Frank Henenlotter, Peter Jackson, Dan O'Bannon. This film is rare in that it falls generally between these two extremes. It's often very funny, and occasionally creative, but its obvious self-awareness can sometimes be trying.

Two brothers operate a vegetarian restaurant and secretly serve human flesh to their customers. They have an uncle (or what remains of him) who helps them to prepare for the feast of Sheetar by compiling a perfect woman out of assorted body parts. The bones of the plot are borrowed lovingly from H.G. Lewis's Blood Feast, but the majority of the film is pretty unique.

Unfortunately, because of their similarities, Blood Diner will always be compared to Blood Feast, and Blood Diner is just not that caliber of a film. Blood Feast brought on the sickening and sometimes too-real gore; Blood Diner's gore is cartoonish and cheap-looking. Blood Feast was technically flawed, but had enthusiastic performances and unmindfully creative camera work; Blood Diner is slick (as far as 80s horror-comedies go) and very self-conscious, but ultimately soulless in its execution.

The real key to a successful horror-comedy is that little dash of sincerity. You can have your jokes and fun, but a little sincere strangeness (or just plain scares) makes the film all the more real. If you like horror-comedy, and you've already seen Basket Case, Frankenhooker, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Re-Animator, and Brain Damage, you may want to give this a shot. It's sure as hell better than Troll 2.

I stand somewhere in the middle on Blood Diner (1987). It has everything I want from a B-grade horror flick. Tons of T&A, really cheesy acting, a paper thin plot, over the top (almost comical) gore. But somehow it just can't shake it's cheap production values and almost retarded direction. Blood Diner was developed as a sequel to Blood Feast (1963) but ended up being a stand alone film with emphasis on comedy/dark humor. Anyone expecting a riveting, well acted film is obviously going to be let down. If you expect that kind of film from a movie titled "Blood Diner", then I hate you. Blood Diner is a cool flick to check out cause it features some really entertaining scenes. Such as a naked chick performing karate on her attacker, a topless aerobics class getting machined gun down, deep fried body parts, tons of 80's T&A, and a talking brain with eyeballs. It's a cheesy film that doesn't try to be anything but outrageous and comedic. Blood Diner is best viewed under the influence of a few brewskies. Check it out for cheap but don't spend $ on it.