The Zero Boys

The Zero Boys is a good, old fashioned 80's action/horror/comedy. It's also rare. I just found this one on DVD (if you believe that) and it's marketed as an action movie; the trailer, the cover art, everything. It does start out that way. The Zero Boys, Steve, Larry, and Rip, are the best at what they do: paintball wars. The movie starts with a great game of paintball. When the Zero Boys win, they take a vacation in the woods and stumble upon an abandoned cabin. That's when the horror starts. The action part is so good that I almost didn't want it to turn into a horror flick. It all works out though because the horror is just as good, and cheesy, as the action. It's actually turns into a decent slasher flick which creates an eerie atmosphere. The cheesy dialogue and the one liners are what really make the movie. Such phrases as "Jason old boy, are you in there?" and "Probably just a bunch of faggots living in the woods." make this one a classic. All through the movie I kept remarking about how much the lead killer looked like Martin Sheen. It turned out to be his brother, Joe Estevez. If you're looking for an entertaining mix of genres, catch The Zero Boys, if you can find it.

The title characters are three young men - Steve (Daniel Hirsch), Larry (Tom Shell), and Rip (Jared Moses) - who are veterans of weekend war games. They head out with three female companions - Jamie (Kelli Maroney), Sue (Nicole Rio), and Trish (Crystal Carson) - into the woods to have a good time. They come across an isolated dwelling, and decide to make themselves at home. They do this at their own peril, for the house owner and an associate are evil sadists and not exactly hospitable.

Some genre buffs cite this as a forerunner to more modern "torture porn" features like the "Saw" and "Hostel" series, except that it's a lot less explicit in terms of onscreen human suffering. Overall, it's a mildly entertaining thriller, with tones of a slasher at times but which also takes its cue from survival films like "Deliverance". It might not be gory or sexy enough to suit some tastes, but the story is pretty simple and straightforward, and the pacing is more than adequate. The characters, especially Rip, threaten to be overly annoying at first, but become easier to root for as the story progresses. Filmed on the same basic locations as "Friday the 13th Part III", this can boast an early credit for future big time composer Hans Zimmer ("Inception", "The Dark Knight"). Atmosphere is decent, and while the script is often predictable, it does elicit some chuckles from this viewer when it plays out just as he thought it would.

The acting is negligible, although to be fair the actors have to mouth a fair amount of inane dialogue. Maroney is the most recognizable of the young cast; viewers familiar with this cute, appealing actress from "Night of the Comet" and "Chopping Mall" will be amused when she's presented with a gun and tells Steve that she doesn't know how to use one. The audience will be struck by the resemblance of the primary antagonist to actor Martin Sheen (you get an ever so slight echo of "Apocalypse Now" here), so it comes as no surprise that the actor in question is Joe Estevez, Martins' brother! (Acting under a pseudonym.)

Running a reasonably trim hour and a half, this is watchable enough to not feel like a waste of time.

Six out of 10.

The plot is as tired as any in that a group of friends go off into the middle of nowhere to have some fun. Once there they happen upon an empty house and decide to impose on the hospitality of the erstwhile residents. Only the big problem is they are not alone mwah!

Now this starts off fairly lame as it is full of macho centric twaddle and the ladies have that big eighties hair and attitude etc. At times it looks just like a really bad MTV video of the time especially in the over long road sequence. However, as things get more interesting the group start to behave in a much more believable way and then the twists start coming and it is actually quite inventive – and that is where it pulls it back.

The acting is all OK with no one making a new space in their awards cabinet but they all manage to convince. If you want a no brainer then you could do a lot worse than this and the restored picture quality makes it look as good as new. If you want something high brow then steer well clear but for some big haired frights then this is worth a go.

The Zero Boys movie review

The zero boys is a 1986 action comedy horror directed by Nico Mastorakis, staring daniel hirsch as steve and Kelli Maroney as jamie. The Zero boys was a great surprise for me I turned it on for back ground noise and from moment one i was hooked, i couldn't take my eyes off the screen .the movie can be brokeen down into two halfs; first half is a teen comedy, but then at around the forty minute mark it turns into a full blown slasher flic with genuine creepy moment. the first half is a little dull but is helped a long by the comedy relief (RIP and larry played by Jared Moses and Tom Shell respectivly) the acting in the first part of the movie is average at best but Kelli Maroney is a shining light during the latter half so the acting is improved tenfold. the eighties craziness begins with the maniacs laying siege on the group. the special effects are top notch in my opinion. everything you want from a slasher flick. I was also pleasantly surprise when I found out one of the maniacs is played by martin sheens younger brother Joe Estevez who is definitely an asset to the movie. the ending is a heart thumping ride that ends so right but yet so wrong..... all in all i would consider The Zero Boys a hidden gem of a movie and would highly recommend for any fan of 80s horror or action for that matter and for that i will give The Zero boys Four skulls out of five 💀💀💀💀

The Zero Boys are the best "Weekend Warriors" on the paintball ranch. With feisty newcomer Jamie (Kelli Maroney) in tow, the gang heads out on a classic aimless teen road trip, and wind up at an apparently deserted country house where they proceed to do the things horror teens do: have sex, play games, argue, and split up to maximise their vulnerability.

Of course, they are not alone. The yokel hicks are on the loose with knives, and they soon lure the group into the woods – and into a series of traps. The Zero Boys (and Girls) must use their dubious survival skills, and their stash of real guns, to fight back and make it through the night.

Although Nico Mastorakis is an uber-trash auteur on the level of Albert Pyun, the first scene is promising: playful in the same way that Vamp toyed with our perceptions in its opening. And the idea of the kids taking the front foot, rather than being out-and-out victims, is an intriguing setup. But it's a swift descent into mediocrity and cliché.

"Eat your heart out, Sly," one gun-toting character utters. The film has no problem referencing its contemporaries, including Friday the 13th and The Twilight Zone. It's kinda meta. Ostensibly The Zero Boys is a blend of two classic 80s genres: the teen slasher and the uzi action movie. If only it delivered on the scares or the thrills. In its found footage torture vignettes and its Hunger Games survive-'em-up finale it even prefigures certain modern genres, but in practice we have the usual idiot-plotting schlock, with characters inexplicably going off and doing their own thing to suit audience expectations rather than logic.

Kelli Maroney is perhaps most contemporaneously famous for Night of the Comet, another (much better) mid-80s genre mashup. She's different here: less ditzy and more resourceful, and usually the smartest person in the room. She's more than a match for our hero, Steve, played by Daniel Hirsch with the soft-spoken intensity of a young Bruce Dern but without the charisma.

The positives: occasionally decent quickfire dialogue; some good 'n' gaudy lighting; the pacing is bang on; and Hans Zimmer's Gothic- synth score is fantastic. What it lacks is the ghoulish humour and gore to match something like Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 or Sam Raimi's Evil Dead series. Poor editing and mediocre makeup undermine the best scares (don't open that freezer cabinet!). Throw in some irrelevant slow motion and a frankly meaningless final shot and we're left with a distinctly ordinary entry in the 80s slasher canon.