Breeders

Subterranean dwelling aliens come out of the sewers long enough to rape "virgins" in order to impregnate them with there extraterrestrial seed. A doctor and detective try to figure what the hell is going on.

I knew I was in for some ridiculous b-movie crap when even before the title-card shows up we're treated to, bad acting and boobs belonging to a body double in what could be the most obvious film flub ever. And boy oh boy, everyone's favorite gay-porn director, turned crappy b-horror film director, turned gay film director again, Tim Kincaid does not disappoint. Now when I use the term 'crap' for this film, I do so giving it the best most loving connotation. I live for this trash, but if your tolerance for sleaze and utterly atrocious acting isn't high, steer clear of this one as it most definitely is NOT for you.

Eye Candy: Frances Raine shows everything with naked yoga, LeeAnne Baker also shows all; Meanwhile Natalie O'Connell shows T&A and Adrianne Lee & Amy Brentino only show breasts (plus the aforementioned body double, and some topless extras)

Review By Kamal K

In an instant the biggest issue with Breeders becomes apparent. It has some of the worst acting ever. Not in a 'so good it's bad' kind of way, it's just bad. Dialogue delivered as if most have only just learned how to speak, a total lack of emotion, no facial expressions...it's near unwatchable with Teresa Farley being the worst culprit.

Then you have the effects. The monster is extremely disappointing, it looks like a man in a suit and doesn't excite or intrigue.

*SPOILER ALERT* * SPOILER ALERT*

You might think this movie is about aliens. You'd be wrong. Sure there are aliens, and they do attack. But what the movie is really about is breasts. Female breasts. Naked female breasts.

Naked woman are attacked by aroused aliens. Yes. That's right. It looked cheap and tacky. It was cheap and tacky. Still a good time for an aliens on the hunt movie.

Near the end, all the naked women jump into a pot of alien goo. I'm not saying what's in that goo, but the title is "Breeders". A high point in B-movie moments.

It was sleaze to please. I was pleased.

Clearly a porn to R rated cross over. Talk about clueless acting! Serves as a primer for film students to clearly identify what's wrong and how to fix it. One thing is for sure, the director never said 'cut, let's do it again!'

I play a game with this quality of movie and try to spot the best actor. My surprise was that the SciFi channel showed the film with the naughty bits fuzzed out! I gave up after the first act! Teresa Farley's performance in the movie was missing, she was there but the monotone cue card reading was painfully obvious. Lance Lewman was worth watching however and pulled off quite a performance under the circumstances. Somewhat like a baseball player on a lousy team, what matters are good personal stats, which Lance earned. He goes on to appear in 3 more made fot TV movies.

After directing one of the most acting bereft movies of the 1980's, Robot Holocaust, gay porn director Tim Kincaid must have thought that all he needed to do was add more boobs in his next foray into mainstream film-making resulting in this straight to video T&A abomination.

Breeders begins with the rape of one of the sluttiest virgins I have ever seen by a "German" man who transforms into a bug-eyed alien. It goes downhill from here. At this point the rape victim is subjected to the worst bedside manner ever as Det. Dale Andriotti (Lance Lewman) and Dr. Gamble Pace (Teresa Farley) discuss her mutilation in all it's gory details about one foot from where she is recovering. Nice. Sadly, these two numbnuts are the main characters of this film. Dr. Pace tells Det. Andriotti, who would be more convincing cast as a paperboy, that a series of these rapes targeting virgins in New York City have become too numerous to be a coincidence. They begin to investigate the rapes together as Det. Andriotti seems to be the only police officer in the greater Manhattan area. These scenes are interspersed between supposed women of sexual purity in various forms of undress. These "virgins" engage in snorting cocaine, nude aerobics, nude cooking, and the sexually arresting nude phone conversation with their mother. Whatever the opposite of a hard-on is I've got it. Eventually all of the victims are summoned in the nude to an underground bath in, well, use your imagination. Thankfully Dr. Pace and Det. Andriotti battle the alien in an abandoned subway that is stocked full of supplies for dispatching the fiend. Perhaps they were really resourceful rats.

Everything about this movie screams amateur hour. To say that the performances are community college level would be an insult to those actors who couldn't afford money for a good school. Teresa Farley is particularly awful as she delivers her lines in the same monotone way while glancing offscreen, presumably to look at the cue cards. I have no problem with copious amounts of nudity but some of the women are more of the Bloodsucking Freaks nude for the sake of being nude variety. Little surprise from someone who's directing history consists of male locker rooms and public toilets. An eye for female beauty Mr. Kincaid has not. This movie was made for those that wanted to see naked women but didn't want to get caught coming out of that back room of the video store by one of his neighbors. "Oh, hi Mrs. Smith. What did I rent? Oh, it's just a sci-fi monster movie. See the scary alien on the box." Keep lying to yourself pervert!