The Tomb

This is not the worst film ever made. I can't think of what that one is at the moment. I'll have to wait for my eyes to stop bleeding.

Actually, there are two mildly redeeming factors. John Carradine, whose two minutes on screen probably comprised half the movie's budget, and Kitten Natividad dancing topless for about thirty seconds total. Yeah, that's it.

Another line. Another line. Another line. Another line. Is that enough for that ridiculously arbitrary ten line rule? Apparently not. Let's keep adding pointless text until this so-called comment meets the minimum requirement for mindless bureaucratic self-aggrandizement. Some suit trying to qualify his or her paycheck came up with this rule, undoubtedly.

Tomb raider, John Banning (David O'Hara), bites off more than he can chew when immortal ancient Egyptian, Nefratis (Genre scream queen, Michelle Bauer) gets peeved that he stole from her and so follows him to America to wreck havok. Think of this film as a fifth-grade Indiana Jones crossed with a third-rate Mummy. Not among the best Fred Olen Ray films, and the usually great Sybil Danning & Bauer are all waisted here, yet it's serviceable enough in a 'there's nothing else on and i'm bored to death' kind of way. But really, Natividad's minute long cameo provide the only two noteworthy reasons to watch.things about this film.

My Grade: C-

Eye Candy: Dawn Wildsmith gets topless; Kitten Natividad shows T&A

...And I don't really know if that is saying a lot either. The Tomb tells the story of some stupid robber in Egypt disrupting the sacred tomb of an Egyptian sorceress, dead and yet still alive. The guy sells the artifacts found in the tomb, and the mummy(wearing low-cut outfits, breasts popping out here and there, and speaking as though she was picked up off of Hollywood Boulevard) goes to Los Angelos to get them back so she can perform a ritual sacrifice and stay young. Alright, the story is not too good, but the film is entertaining. For one of Ray's films, the acting is better than usual. Some nice performances by horror veterans Cameron Mitchell(he does a real fine job) and John Carradine in his five minutes of film raise the film from being strictly mundane. Throw in some great music and lots of T & A(a Ray specialty it seems...he even has Kitten Nativadad as a stripper in one scene doing some entertaining back-breaking bouncing) for extra measure. Let's not forget Sybil Danning too. Yep, she is in the film in the first five minutes only in what can be described as nothing more than a throw-away cameo. Her presence seems to be totally unnecessary, although I really am not complaining. Sure this film is a cheap B movie, but what the heck. Fred Olen Ray is living a lifetime dream of creating movies. His affection for the horror genre is obvious when he makes a point of giving cameos and roles to the likes of Mitchell, Carradine, and in other movies Robert Quarry, Carroll Borland, Kirk Allyn, and many more. He is not hiring them for their billing potential. It is nonexistent except to people like me who like to remember those fond memories of another time. He hires them for his love of their work. He gives characters in his movie names like Howard Phillips(named for H. P. Lovecraft) and David Manners(the actor who starred in the original Mummy as the heroic lead). It is easy for me and others to denegrate his work, and I have in other reviews, but like them or not...I applaud the fact that he went out and made them. Kudos Mr. Ray!

Mid-eighties grade-Z Indiana Jones knockoff starring David O'Hara as beer swilling tomb raider John Banning who unwittingly awakens an Egyptian sorceress Nefratis (Michelle Bauer) and becomes a pawn in her resurrected plans for world conquest, or something to that effect.

When looking at the cast of actors one might get the impression that with such B-movie royalty like Sybil Danning, John Carradine, and the always entertaining Cameron Mitchell that this movie might not be as bad as it sounds. You would be very wrong on that assumption. While all aforementioned actors try their best to elevate the "talent" level on screen they are collectively in the film for only about ten minutes with Mitchell making up the bulk of that time. Instead you get to watch the "don't quit your day job waiting at Spago's" performance buy the woefully inept Richard Hench who becomes the central character in the film about halfway in to it. The scenes with Hench and his professor sidekick are the visual equivalent of banging your skull off of a concrete wall. David O'Hara's character John Banning is so unlikeable that it's confusing as to why he wasn't rewritten better as the film clearly wants him to be the hero. Michelle Bauer's nudity free Nefratis sleepwalks throughout the movie. If anyone can tell me what the hell actually killed her at the end I would greatly appreciate it as I rewound it many times and failed to see what exactly happened. My word of advice for wary B-movie fans is if it says Olen Ray stay away!

I've always been a Cameron Mitchell fan, but he was probably really needing a payday here. As always he puts in a superior performance, even with the material, and it's good to see him. "Death of a Salesman" it is not.

Very attractive "monster" in Michelle Bauer, and a really classic 70s/80s topless dance routine by two time "Miss Nude Universe" (1970 and 1971) winner Francesca Isabel "Kitten" Natividad that has NO connection to the plot in any respect at all.

But, like chicken soup, it can't hurt.

The movie is well lit and the cinematography is actually very good. The special effects are generally cheesy, but fun. I doubt this is going to scare anybody, but although predictable it's a fun film to watch.

If you love the monster/horror/thriller genres you'll enjoy this one.