The Boneyard

Somewhat a forgotten kooky 90s zombie low-budget horror film that seems loosely inspired, tonally and set-up wise at least, by Return of the Living Dead. Slow to get going, real slow and mainly set in the one location; the graveyard shift at a mortuary on its last legs. However during the slow first half of nonsensical story exposition, and drawn out character exchanges. I actually found the character banter (by a stellar cast) rather amusing, especially Phyllis Diller's bark (which could be more ferocious than her poodle) and Ed Nelson's deadpan reactions to keep you engaged before the ludcrious thrills and ghoulish FX finally breaks out. And when it does, it doesn't disappoint.

Trapped inside with creepy rotting, and gooey zombie kids (from an age-old curse) munching away on corpses that suddenly turns into some wild, and goofy mutated monster fun. Maybe at times low-scale in its excitement and gets you wanting more than what's presented by rushing through the mayhem, but the imagery (FX I mean) is indeed a sight to behold... permed muscle-bound monster poodle anyone?

P.s. Diller's stunt double diving over a table in a grey wig won't be fooling anybody... that moment made me chuckle.

The Boneyard (1991)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

A couple cops and a psychic investigate the murder of three children. Their investigation leads them to the coroner's office where they quickly learn that the children are in fact zombies and soon everyone is trapped inside the building with them.

THE BONEYARD is your typcial low-budget horror film from the 90s that really doesn't have much originality to it and in fact it really doesn't have too much good about it. You've got a couple former stars thrown into the cast, some decent special effects but there's no question that a lot of the running time doesn't have too much going on.

I say that because the first forty-two minutes of the movie has the two detectives and the psychic doing nothing but talking. At first I was wondering if I was watching another movie because for a horror movie there's certainly nothing going on for the longest time. Once the zombie children show up things do pick up a bit and one can't help but wonder why they waited so long. Everyone knows that "something" needs to happen every ten-minutes so making us wait over forty was just a major mistake.

The zombie children actually look very good and for the most part the special effects were better than I expected and that's especially true for a couple "large" creatures that show up towards the end. The performances are pretty much what you would expect as they range from decent to poor. Norman Fell and Phyllis Diller are on hand and Ed Nelson was also good in the lead.

THE BONEYARD should have and could have been much better but it gets off to such a slow and bad start that the film never fully recovers.

Back in the day, during the VHS rental period, when you could walk down isle after isle, genre after genre, seeing all types of unknown flicks, you'd always happen to walk by one more than the other. Or just notice one a tad more than the others because of the ridiculous covers. The Boneyard happened to be one of these movies for me. And it took me over a decade to finally see the evil, grinning poodle movie. Well, that was my impression anyways.

The Boneyard revolves around a psychic woman, a charismatic detective and his wet-behind the ears partner who team up with a morgue crew to stop some ancient supernatural evil......demons. To stop demons.

The Boneyard more or less succeeds in a being a pretty good horror flick. With surprisingly good music (which you should notice right away), some over-the-top acting which makes you smile more than roll your eyes, and some very fun make-up effects. Though, The Boneyard does have problems taking itself serious during emotional scenes, and the tension builders take too long and eventually grow tiresome instead of frightening. I also would have appreciated a little more violence/gore. But no biggie it seemed they spent most of their cash on the make-up effects which were definitely cool.

Another thing this movie has going for it is the hero. Or should I say, heroine. I'm actually one who is very much annoyed by all the horror flicks these days that are riddled with skinny, gorgeous women who by bullsh!t chance survive the unbelievable. In the Boneyard it's a tad different, even though our main character is a woman, she's a very overweight and average looking woman. It worked, it was unique, funny and it's something I really appreciated seeing.

With The Boneyard delivering some fun running around, some cool effects and a nice score it made for a pretty enjoyable 90 minutes. Definitely give it a look if you're looking for a clear-your-mind and enjoy type horror flick. Oh, being a big fan of horror movies would suit you well.

Detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his dimwit partner Gordon (Jim Eustermann) coax troubled 300 lb. psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) out of retirement when a series of unexplained homicides start adding up. Clues lead the trio to a mortuary one night where the dead bodies of three Asian children are resurrected into slime-spewing ghouls who trap the principal characters in the basement and go on a gory killing/possession spree.

After a slowwwww start (and a "huh?" flashback that is SUPPOSED to explain things), this really picks up and becomes a nifty little horror comedy with a good sense of humor, attempts at characterization and some surprisingly cool comic book-style FX (like a giant mutant poodle!). Good supporting roles for veteran character actors Nelson, Norman Fell (as a mortician with a ponytail) and Phyllis Diller (as the cranky night desk clerk who transforms into a creature that will make your eyes pop out of your head!). The director also scripted and did the FX for this fun feature.

You gotta love this flick. I found this movie on the "under 10 bucks" shelf at my local Suncoast Video. Just seeing the cover with the Evil demonic looking poodle was enough to claim it, after all I am one of many who love these types of movies. I mean, c'mon.....Phyllis Diller, Norman Fell!!?? , teaming up with a bunch of no names actors in a small town, in some rinky dink morgue, fighting undead children and event- ually a giant, insane, demonic pooch? This is f***ing great! It just does'nt get any better than this in the B movie world folks! This is Grade A, b horror material. So typical, I mean who would ever THINK we would see Phillis Diller and Mr. Roper together in this cheesefest? One time popular actors resorting to making low budget horror at at the end of there dwindiling careers...again, SO TYPICAL.The movie was good, remedial acting, good make up and special effects, and at some points, really creepy (those freaky zombie kids). The plot was absoloutly rid- iculous as well. All together GOOD GORE, GOOD FUN, GOOD FLICK. A must see for B horror buffs!