I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle

Brummie motorbike courier Noddy (Neil Morrissey) buys himself a classic Norton Commando, unaware that his new ride is possessed by a demon and requires blood for fuel. With the help of a garlic-breathed police detective (Michael Elphick) and a biker priest (Anthony Daniels), Noddy tries to stop the evil machine's reign of terror.

A man behaving badly, Private Schulz and C3PO versus a motorbike: this loopy British comedy horror looks cheap and the humour is uneven, but it is all so delightfully daft that it's hard to hate on it too much. Similar in tone to early Peter Jackson movies (but nowhere near as full throttle, mind you), I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle combines low-brow comedy with oodles of gore, making it the perfect accompaniment to a couple of beers (or whatever you prefer to smoke).

The craziness includes a talking turd in a toilet (played by Daniel Peacock), a sword fight in a pub, an ex-Grange Hill student (Paula Ann Bland) in a nurse's uniform being cut in half, the riderless Norton decapitating a gang of Hell's Angels, a traffic warden getting her comeuppance, and Burt Kwouk as a Chinese Takeaway owner called Fu King. All that and a healthy serving of cheesy splatter makes the film worth a go, even if we are presented with the genuinely horrific sight of Morrissey's arse rising from the crapper.

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is the definition of "Good Bad", from the title that describes the entire plot, to the broad-brush performances, to the suspension of disbelief that comes when you know the budget is laughably small, but you *don't care*. Those who love the work of Troma will discover that the British can do the same thing, and with even more gore and humour.

Neil Morrissey, pre "Men behaving Badly", plays Noddy, an innocent young Birmingham motorbike courier who buys a classic Norton with a dark history. What follows provides a hilariously imaginative reworking of every scene you'd expect from a self-respecting vamp flick, but on two wheels and set in Birmingham. The special effects are zero-budget but enthusiastic, and the title creature in its mutated hunting guise is a highly impressive piece of kit, complete with Ancient Briton-style axle blades. Morrissey looks as terrified and bemused as the script requires him to be, but the film is stolen by Anthony "C3PO" Daniels as a camply gung-ho biker exorcist, complete with razor-sharp throwing-crosses. Michael Elphick provides sterling support as a Sweeney-esque copper with a life-saving taste in snacks. As the punk rock soundtrack pounds (complete with inevitable theme song "She Runs On Blood...She Don't Run On Gasoline) and the severed heads of Hells Angels fly across the screen, you will revel in thrills, spills, cheap sexual innuendo, and low comedy. See it.

An enjoyable romp by the cast of Boon who are obviously enjoying themselves in a silly but entertaining horror.

Not to be taken seriously , not the greatest horror , a definite B-Movie as it was supposed to be , so for me it hits the targets .

If you liked Boon a motorcycle courier and almost Rockford files English TV programme with Michael Elphick and Neil Morrisey just shot in Nottingham rather than Birmingham which the film is then u will probably enjoy the actors hamming it up.

Reminded me of some of the old Dracula films by Hammer , but using a motorbike instead of a foreign Count and that i think is what it is a Homage to Hammer by a TV cast using cheap effects and filming worth watching just don't expect too much.

This was one of the best b-films I've seen for a long time, with humorous references to classic sixties biker/horror films such as Psychomania and The Damned, more than a few hilarious one liners, and Neil Morrisey before he was famous. And anyone who has actually owned and ridden a Norton like the star of the film, will know exactly where the writers are coming from. Rent it now - highly recommended for an evenings dvd entertainment.

Films such as this, simply made and at low cost, can go either way as to insult your intelligence or titillate your senses of fun and humour. This particular genre, the British independent film genre, is taken to lower levels and with good company such as "Psychomania" aka "Death Wheelers" (1973) that rolls along with Nicky Henson, Beryl Reid (1919-1996) and George Sanders (1906-1972), joining the shenanigans "Come Play with Me" (1977) has Mary Millington (1945-1979) jumping on more than the band-wagon, too, Johnny Vegas and Mackenzie Crook in the half-baked "Sex Lives of the Potato Men" (2004) and the whiter-than-white "The Calcium Kid" (2004) delivered to us by a young Orlando Bloom making an all too disinvite crease in this celluloid bargain-basement bin genre.

It's all been done before; the highest example for this accolade is the winning team of the exceptionally successful English comedy franchise the "Carry On..." films (all Pinewood Studios shot) spanning thirty years (1958-1978). For decades this British tradition of slap-stick, innuendoes, double entendre and low-brow wit regurgitated as it may feel never feels drawn-out but is highly additive cinema indeed; it's a language all of its own.

"I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" is no different, but it tries its hardest not to excluded itself from this pile. It fits into all the niches that brings this into the fold. On the surface this comes over as rather unsophisticated and that is exactly what it is. It holds no punches set against its downfalls of low budget production and simpleminded script. Saying this, this does not make for a poor, dull and unoriginal score. Bearing in mind its premise is extremely original and this is its draw and fascination.

A British Norton Commando motorcycle inadvertently becomes the harbinger of death and commands a thirst of a bloodlust that brings laughs from the bottom of the barrel to casually float to the top with the classic British one-liner technique. While not smutty, its sarcasm and target-audience clichés hold up the lowest common denominator and delivers its strength and keeps the stakes deeply pushed into the heart of this quirky little motor with a few nuts & bolts of its own to give this production a slant of personality.

To surpass beyond the pale of barrow-boy antics we see that the pièce de résistance is most definably the art of the cameo. Here we see film and television personalities as Burt Kwouk (1930-2016) "The Return of the Pink Panther" (1975) etc, "Tenko" and Ed Devereaux (1925-2003) "Skippy" plus a unusually cast, but a undeniably surreal highlight, Anthony Daniels "Star Wars (1977) as a trike riding priest to raise an eyebrow of intrigue and surprise.

This is certainly a film of night or day, with such a captivating title as "I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle", it draws you in to entice you to its curiosity. Being what it is, it holds no pretentious misgivings as to what you are getting. You may reach the fork in the road and on seeing this you may, you can, then decide if you were humoured or simply taken for a ride.