The Beach Girls

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!

In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).

The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?

This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

It's not exactly meant to be "Richard III". It's a 1980s sex comedy. It's upbeat, it's engaging, it's often funny, and the characters are actually likable. In fact, this is frequently wacky stuff, with lots of off the wall incidental gags thrown into the mix for good measure. It's pretty much impossible to dislike. Granted, the main characters are clearly older than they're meant to be (they're supposed to be teenagers), but that's not really a quibble.

Two carefree, boy crazy gal pals, Ginger (Val Kline), and Ducky (Jeana Keough) hook up with a more reserved, responsible friend, Sarah (Debra Blee), whose uncle Carl (Adam Roarke) has graciously allowed Sarah the use of his sumptuous beach house for the summer. The expected raunchy (actually, they're never really *that* raunchy) hijinks ensue.

As one can see, the movie, directed by Bud Townsend and written by Patrick Sheane Duncan, is not exactly strong on story, nor does it need to be. It does have its little subplots, such as an amusingly sleazy local drug runner, Captain Jack (Paul Richards) sometimes running afoul of the local Coast Guard captain (Herbie Braha, who throws in impressions of Humphrey Bogart), and the misadventures of Carls' horny gardener (Bert Rosario) as he attempts to get an eyeful of all of the shapely ladies who start to frequent the place. The main set piece of the movie is a wild party, but the finale provides some of the biggest laughs. Sarah goes through a personality shift, finally starting to blossom when it's suggested that she's too uptight, but this bit of business never gets melodramatic.

The acting is appealing all the way down the line, especially from Blee, who went on to appear in "Savage Streets". Viewers may recognize Keough from being a Playboy Playmate and a visual attraction in ZZ Top videos. James Daughton of "Animal House" plays a nice guy musician, Mary Jo Catlett ('Diff'rent Strokes') is a local busybody, and other familiar faces include Catherine Mary Stewart as a surfer girl, Tessa Richarde as Doreen, Corinne Bohrer as a partygoer, and George Cheung, one of the villains from "Rambo: First Blood Part II", as a chauffeur. As can be expected, a number of the ladies show us the goods, so there's no complaints in that department.

In short, this is very simple, irresistible lowbrow entertainment, and it's never mean spirited, which is a big part of its charm. Lovers of this kind of movie should find it quite agreeable.

Seven out of 10.

Essentially this is a remake by Crown International of their fairly successful 1978 comedy, Malibu Beach. It features the same scenario, a similar story line devoted to coming of age in a fairly pervasive drug culture, and similar comedy lines - right down to the dog that snatches bikini tops from beach babes sleeping on the sand. What do you expect from such a movie? It will not educate you, give you anything to think about, involve you in the lives of complex or interesting cast members, or even stimulate you in any way. It will however pass the short time spent quite pleasantly, particularly if you are watching it with friends or have a partner to share it with. If this is what you want, the film is competently made and deserves a fairly high rating, if you want more it is a disaster that you will inevitably class as a turkey.

I personally very much prefer it to its forerunner Malibu Beach largely I think because the characters, although transparently simple, are more real and less heavily less caricatured. If there is a message, it is that the world needs lots of readily available marihuana to put us all into a warm comfortable frame of mind in which many of the unpleasantnesses of life can be forgotten. This is a message of which I would strongly disapprove, and which would make it difficult for me to say kind words about any film. However I do not believe this film is intended to have any message at all. It simply aims to feature the lifestyle of young people who have grown up in a culture where marihuana use is widespread, without making any moral judgments. It is played purely as a farce, which gets very close to becoming pure slapstick but never quite crosses the line - again I think because the characters, whilst all overdrawn to varying extents, remain real recognisable people. I am not a lover of farce where characters tend to quickly become no more than cardboard cut-outs, but this is less of a problem here than with most farces.

I remember enjoying this film when I first saw it some 20 years ago (a time when my expectations from girlie movies were no doubt somewhat different). I recently saw the DVD release featuring it (as a double feature with "The Pom Pom Girls" - which is best quickly forgotten.), so I decided to re-view it and see how it (or I myself) had survived the years. My reaction after viewing it again was that I would love to meet one of the three main characters, who must now be middle aged matrons - probably with family responsibilities for teenagers of their own - and ask their recollections of participating in the making of this film. Movie making is never easy but I suspect that they would remember it as a real fun time which all the cast members enjoyed. The important point is that this fun not only comes out clearly in the film, but also makes it fun to watch. Within the constraints discussed above, I can only report that I enjoyed this film and rate it as worth about 3 stars out of five.

Although this sex comedy was released in 1982, it's really more of a 1970's flick in that it isn't about a bunch of geeky teenagers trying to lose their virginity, and it has a refreshingly politically incorrect attitude toward illegal drugs that is more typical of the late 70's Cheech and Chong era than the "Just Say No" Reagan era. The plot, to use the term loosely, involves a beautiful young college student who invites her two sexy girlfriends to her uncle's beach house. The uninhibited friends "Ginger" and "Ducky" quickly turn the place into a hedonist playground. But then the uncle (Adam Rourke) shows up and threatens to put the kibosh on the whole thing, so the two mischievous lasses BOTH seduce him. There's also a lame subplot about a group of marijuana smugglers trying to elude a coast guard patrol, led by "Captain Bly" (this is the sound of me forgetting to laugh), so they have to drop their "cargo" and, of course, it ends up on the beach where the girls find it.

This movie is pretty damn stupid, and it offers such witty fun as fist-fight between offensive racial stereotypes (a horny Mexican gardener and an incoherent Japanese chauffeur). The main protagonist, Debra Blee, is absolutely beautiful, even if she fails to lose her virginity, get naked, or even put on a bikini. There's plenty of nudity, however, most notably from former Playboy Playmate Jeanna Tomasino, who if I could describe with one adjective, it would be "boner-inducing" (although I don't think that's an adjective). Adam Rourke was once in real movies like "Psych Out" and "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry", but he was obviously collecting a nice paycheck here, and he got to frolic around with naked nubiles half his age--nice work if you can get it. I'd recommend this movie if you see it the way I did--it comes on TV and you're too drunk or lazy to change the channel--but don't go too far out of your way.

I saw a trailer for THE BEACH GIRLS while I was working my way through BCI Eclipse' Drive-in Cult Classics 1, 2, 3, and 4 (featuring Crown International Pictures releases) on DVD.

In this offering, BCI paired THE BEACH GIRLS with "Coach" as a "Welcome to the Grindhouse double feature." Sex, drugs, alcohol, post-graduation party; and, drug smugglers… this film holds nothing back! This movie is everything "American Pie" wanted to be (but without the pastry abuse!)

Like other Crown International Pictures features, THE BEACH GIRLS packs a lot of story in a very short time. It is almost a cross between "Malibu Beach" and, "Weekend with the Babysitter." THE BEACH GIRLS features a group of young people graduating from high school into a way of life where sex and drugs are widespread, without any moral consequences.

In the opening scene, when we first meet Sarah, we can see that Debra Blee really has a "Jane March kind of vibe going on" (think "Color of Night"); and, sense the simmering sexual undercurrent that lies beneath the bookish exterior, which is the whole point of the movie.

As for the supporting cast, Bert Rosario, as the horny gardener, steals every scene he is in – he is hilarious, with some of the best physical comedy and sight gags in the film! The fight between Wang and the gardener was a scream.

The score features fun beach music and driving rock ballads.

A nice flashback to the fictionalized version of the early 80s.