Assassinio al cimitero etrusco

Director Sergio Martino started his directorial career in fine form, giving giallo fans several classics (my favourites being The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key and The Suspicious Death of a Minor); he also directed the entertainingly trashy cannibal flick Slave of the Cannibal God (1978). However, by the end of the '70s, it seemed as though he had lost his knack for thriller/horror movies: after the mediocre creature feature Island of Mutations (1979) and the atrocious Jaws rip-off The Great Alligator (also '79), Martino turned his back on gialli and scary films to concentrate on comedy and action, the one exception being The Scorpion With Two Tails.

John Saxon (Enter the Dragon, A Nightmare on Elm Street) plays American archaeologist Arthur Barnard, who discovers an ancient Etruscan tomb, but who is murdered shortly after, his head twisted so that it is facing backwards. Arthur's widow, Joan (Elvire Audray), travels to Italy to help the police with their investigations; while there, she uncovers a drug-smuggling operation masterminded by her father. Meanwhile, whoever killed Arthur is continuing their murderous ways, twisting various people's noggins 180 degrees.

Starting life as a TV mini-series comprising of seven one hour long episodes, The Scorpion With Two Tails was edited down to ninety-eight minutes and released as a feature; unsurprisingly, the film feels incredibly disjointed and is often confusing, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it didn't make much sense in its entirety either. Adding to the awfulness is the diabolical central performance from Audray (who was clearly cast for her looks), the repetitive gore-free killings, and numerous dull dialogue-heavy scenes. Fabio Frizzi provides the score, but repurposes much of his own music from Fulci's City of the Living Dead, which makes the whole thing feel even more cheap.

2.5/10, rounded up to 3 for the always reliable Saxon: if only he had been in the film for longer.

(1982) The Scorpion with Two Tails/ Assassinio al cimitero etrusco DUBBED HORROR/ THRILLER

It has Joan Barnard (Elvire Audray) while in NYC having the same recurring nightmare/ proclamation regarding her ritual and her husband, Arthur Barnard (John Saxon) who happens to be an archeologist. And after a brief call from her husband, from Italy to NYC, he informs her he is bringing back 12 crates, it is there he is killed right on the spot by having his neck twisted. As a result of wanting to know what happened to her husband, she feels more than obligated to take a trip to the same archaeological sites her husband had visit ed. It was at this point we are introduced to many characters from the Contessa Maria Volumna (Marilù Tolo) and her goons as well as the racket Joan's dad, Mark Mulligan (Van Johnson) is involved in which happens to be heroin.

By looking at the big picture, this is supposed to be the horror equivalent of Raiders of the Lost Ark made one year prior to this one. There is not a single nude scene and the lead actress Elvire Audray herself at that particular time could have been mistaken for a Taylor Swift look-a-like. The most boring thing about this movie is the fact there are way too many characters. Viewers are kind of oblivious before have suddenly appear out of nowhere, whether he is related to Joan's husband or part of the group itself. And by the time viewers find out who the killer is, it made even less sense.

The video of this I rented features lots of "Americanized" Italian names. I get how "Paolo Malco" (from MST3k's "Escape 2000") became "Paul Malco", but how did "Sergio Martino" become "Christia Plummer"?

Anyhoo, this French/Italian coproduction tells the incredibly unengaging tale of some drugs hidden in some ancient burial tomb thingee and some other stuff happens and there may or may not be supernatural forces at work. Alan Hale jr-look-a-like Van Johnson (MST3k's "San Fransisco International") gives loooong expositional scenes, and John Saxon (MST3k's "Mitchell") gets his head twisted backwards (and apparently the killer also switched his right and left hands). Another victim looks like a cross between Michael Caine and Elmer Fishpaw from "Polyester". The music by Fabio Frizzi is just the score from "Gates of Hell" used again. The special effects are just maggots- maggots on photos, maggots on hands, maggots on statues.

Anyway, it should go without saying, but don't watch this movie.

The true strength is its unpredictability. There's like three different plots all woven together (and not particularly well). Some of the locations and coloring/lighting is quite good. It's a pretty film to look at.

The acting is not particularly good. That being said, I've seen much worse before.

Although there are a number of genres mixed in here, the overarching genre is giallo/slasher. What it's really missing is the graphic violence and sexuality that so often punctuate giallo and slasher films. There's no payoff. The ending gimmick was really bad.

Sergio Martino is one of the notable directors in the Euro-horror genre along with Mario Bava, Jess Franco, Jean Rollin, and others. My personal favorite of his movies is "The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh". His "Assassinio al cimitero etrusco" ("The Scorpion with Two Tails" in English) is an OK, not great movie. It's a convoluted story about a woman whose archaeologist husband gets murdered while looking through an ancient cemetery in Italy. Elvire Audray, who plays the lead role, looks as if she could have been one of Alfred Hitchcock's icy blondes. I haven't seen all of Martino's movies, but of the ones that I've seen I'd say that his best ones star Edwige Fenech*. This one is more mediocre. Other cast members include John Saxon (Roper in "Enter the Dragon" and the father in "A Nightmare on Elm Street") and Van Johnson (one of the stars from Hollywood's Golden Age).

*Quentin Tarantino referenced her in "Inglourious Basterds": Mike Myers's character is named Ed Fenech.