The First Turn-On!!

I used to hate 80's teen movies (it was bad enough actually BEING a teenager in the 80's without having to watch a bunch of crappy movies about it). But now a warm glow of nostalgia (or incipient senility) has set in and I kind of like some of them. I still don't care for some of the more famous ones ("The Breakfast Club", "Dirty Dancing", etc.), but I like some of the ones that are kind of realistic (if somewhat depressing) like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "The Last American Virgin", or, on the other hand, films like this one that are so ridiculous you can't take them seriously at all. Since this film was made by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz of Troma, it is of course very self-consciously campy (if not quite as much as their more famous "Toxic Avenger" series). It takes place at a strange camp where the "campers" all seem to be in their early twenties. A counselor and four "campers" get trapped in a cave and decide to pass the time by telling each other stories of their "first time".

The stories are all REALLY dumb, but this movie uses an interesting device where the flashbacks on screen often contradict the story the character is telling. I remember a few years later a mainstream critic practically wetting himself when overrated film genius Steven Sodeberg did this in "sex, lies and videotape". Of course, this device is much more incompetently rendered here and a plot twist near the end really makes hash of it (but then again "sex, lies, and videotape" doesn't end in a big orgy like this one does).

But I'm sure nobody but me cares about any of this so let's get to the two most important things--the "T", and of course, the "A". There's plenty of it here naturally as in any Troma movie. Most of the girls, however, aren't stunningly attractive except for Sheila Kennedy, who was a former Penthouse Pet and years later appeared in the TV "reality dreck "Big Brother" (and I don't which of these is the skeleton in her closet). This movie is definitely a skeleton in the closet of Emmy and Academy Award-nominated actor Vincent D'nofrio. I certainly don't agree with Lloyd Kaufman's introductory comment that Sheila Kennedy is better in this than D'nofrio was in "Full Metal Jacket", but she's better than he is in this movie (of course, she doesn't have to stretch herself too much since she's actually playing a Penthouse Pet here). Anyway, those that enjoy this kind of celebrity early-career embarrassment will certainly enjoy Vince here.

I saw these little films on YT... produced by those geniuses at TROMA! I must say that I didn't expect anything different from what I saw: typical 80s TROMA trash film; sexy comedy Porky's Vacanziero style; stupid comedy with no point but which in the end is funny!

There is a small part of an unknown Vicent D'Onofrio, who plays the idiot of the group... The actors don't have any great experience; but they are sexy and the erotic scenes are enjoyable.

Too bad Hertz didn't choose Madonna for the part of Annie... Imagine Madonna pre-fame in some sex scenes... If the film had been released with the same style as in the 80's, it would have been a great success!! Everyone at the time wanted to see Madonna naked!!

One of Troma's first entries in the teen sex comedy genre, it is average at best. "The First Turn On!!" is about a bunch of idiot teen campers and a female counselor get stuck in a cave and "describe" their first sexual encounters.

This is a pretty subaverage fare for even Troma films. In the world of teenage sex romps it pales in comparison to recent films such as "American Pie" and "Road Trip."

There are some highlights in this film. This was a first film for Vincent D'Onofrio (Full Metal Jacket, Feeling Minnesota, Men in Black, Steal this Movie!) as a fat loser and a funny cameo by comedian and all-around nice guy Rondell Sheridan as a gang member.

The real gem of this movie is the sound track from the seminal new wave band "Shrapnel" featuring some of their best (and unreleased) stuff. Hearing the song "Sleep Over" and the goofy performances by Sheridan and D'Onofrio are worth giving this film a watch on cable or a $1.00 rental (but not much else).

The First Turn-On!! (must have the two exclamation points there because, hey, more stuff on the poster!!) is a sex-romp where we get to see the inside scoops on what the "first time" was like for a few ass-wipes and two stuck up chicks (to speak in Beavis & Butt-head tongue), and they all beef up their stories that they tell in the cave after an avalanche makes the cave impenetrable... he-he, impenetrable, is that a funny? Well, no, on to the movie itself, one of the early collaborations between Troma founder/bad-taste pioneers Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman, who share producer/director credits here.

Their game, if one can't tell from their other movies, is intentionally hitting the lowest common denominator. They do have a tongue-in-cheek through most of it- that is when the misogyny doesn't scream out like a young lady's first or almost orgasm- and at least they're not trying to be offensive... actually, no, that's a lie. If you got offended by this, they won half the battle (and if you paid for the whole DVD- as opposed to, with some wit, getting it off of Netflix instant-view, they won the other half).

I would like to try to look deeper into some of the psychological ramifications of what the campers and camp-leader with the frizzy 80's hair and wide blue eyes go into, but does it matter? Whenever Kaufman and Herz try to get on with a story it makes so many detours it threatens to jump off a cliff with two boobs in your face. This said, throughout the raucous and stupid and juvenile and just flat-out gross and 11-year old humor wedged into a very-R-rated sex comedy, I actually did laugh at a few lines like "This would be easier than (bleeping) a tomato", and there were a few sight gags that did make me chuckle loudly. I could probably count those times on one hand. And I guess there are some nice bosoms, to note once again. The rest of it is obnoxious crap-comedy, the kind where you roll your eyes or just sit in momentary stunned silence and go "really, you had to go there?

It's a Porky's knock-off at camp that unfortunately doesn't go far enough to anticipate 127 Hours. Now if they had to cut off some genitals to stay alive (mostly testicles) it might be a better night out.

J. Canker Huxley doesn't know what he's talking about. American Pie is garbage. It isn't funny. The First Turn-On is a classic from the days when there were such things as "teenage sex romps." It has no aspirations other than to amuse and to exploit. Movies like Road Trip and American Pie want to have their cake and eat it too---they try to be lewd and crude, yet still contain a "message" or be moral. The First Turn-On has no morals and therefore succeeds in being entertaining.