Waitress!

Billed as some sort of comedy, it completely misses on all levels. It's a confusing mess that never plants its feet and for that matter, ever figures out where/why they should be planted. The acting is horrible, the gags look like they were all rejects from the worst vaudeville shows. It mainly revolves around a NYC restaurant that has an overflowing amount of patrons, while being served food that is too gross to look at , yet alone eat. I don't recognize any "actors" in this film but they constantly offer childish/pun-like food-jokes even Benny Hill would not touch with a 10-foot fish-stick. The restaurant has a maniacal/drunk Russian chef and a wait-staff of about 20-women, but apparently there was no budget for the wardrobe department to provide them bras. If braless pokies are for you, at the cost of being totally annoyed and grossed-out, then this is the film for you.

This movie qualifies as a "guilty" pleasure...a loopy plot surrounding an aspiring actress and her restauranteur-wannabe boyfriend (and actually featuring some quality 'soft-core' sex scenes that actually enhance the plot/humor), intercut with some of the best/worst sight gags and one-liners ever filmed. You actually wait for the the next joke, to see if it will fall into one or the other categories!

A major complain is that the movie never really decides WHAT to be--soft-core porn, slapstick comedy or gag-fest. That indecisiveness really throws off the movie's plot, wherever it is.

You will never, ever order wine the same after seeing this movie.

You pretty know what to expect in a Troma Team production. I laughed twice during the whole affair, where fifteen minutes in it's nearing, it got utterly ridiculous, for 10 minutes, I mouthed the words, "This fu...d". Then a sane moment came back, in which I was a highly relieved. If you're not aware, Troma Team, makes these insanely stupid rubbishy movies, you so long for a Chuck Norris movie alone. But there is a kind of smartness, amongst all the inanity, which if you're a budding actor, who've hit bad times, you may want to shun away from seeing thus. The lead character (Drake) who I'm sure, would be in other TT sh.t is this budding actress, and of course she's a waitress, longing for that break, like many actors and actress's today. She's probably the worst auditionee you've ever seen, as she's really never been given a chance. The movie resembles similar scenarios in films, about how woman are reduced to unclothing themselves, and virtually used as an admiring piece of T and A, and Drake is hot, that's for sure, like a few who work in the back of her kitchen. Another waitress just happens to be a writer. So we kind of have like two stories, but if making reservations to eat at your next restaurant, reserve yourself the right, not to to watch this film, cause what happens in the kitchen, is pretty disgusting, where the film makers must be pretty disgusting themselves. A tried rubbishy comedy, full of unfunny double meanings and some 'What' the f..k moments?'' For the very undemanding. And whoever heard of a waiter serving a Rolls chicken, literally. 2.5/10

My review was written in September 1982 after a Times Square screening.

"Waitress" is a low-budget comedy picture from the team responsible for the successful "Squeeze Play". Only intermittently funny, the new film is serviceable in general situations.

Episodic in the extreme, pic limns the comic experiences of three waitresses at a New York City restaurant. Andrea (Carol Drake) is a feisty would-be Broadway actress working the restaurant gig until her big break. Jennifer (Carol Bevar) is a beautiful blonde fronting as a server while working on "how to meet men" article for a teen magazine, and Lindsey (Renata Majer) is a young girl who was kicked out of Troma Prep School and forced by her dad to work in his restaurant.

Getting off to a hectic start, "Waitress" becomes wearisome with its reliance on food gags, pratfalls , old puns and vulgar schtick. Pic bogs down in the middle for plot material and a romantic interlude involving cafe manager Jerry (Jim Harris), who is opposed to Andrea's acting career obsession, but reverts to sheer anarchy when Lindsey is put in charge of the eatery and succeeds in wrecking it. A very old-fashioned ending has all the leads' dreams come true.

Within a format which is closer to the sketch humor of drive-in films of yore, such as "If You Don't Stop It, You'll Go Blind" than sustained "Porky's" comedy, "Waitress" suffers from non-stop overacting. Although the leads are personable and in some cases attractive this is probably one credit they would like to forget. With more than 200 actors credited in the cast, most in bits, best performance is by Anthony Sarrero, genuinely amusing in a pleasantly overdone attempted cowboy style seduction of Jennifer.

Other actors simply try too hard here, with use of Three Stooges-style sound effects tending to overshadow any shadings. Tech credits are variable but adequate.

WAITRESS! Is what the ancients used to call a "sex comedy", usually consisting of nudity and "ribald" humor. In this case, it makes one wonder who in the name of sanity would ever want to produce such a thing?

Starring no one in particular, and filled with idiot sight gags and dialogue, WAITRESS! Is sort of a grounded version of AIRPLANE!, minus any hilarity or fun. So, it comes as no surprise that Troma had a hand -and probably a foot- in this.

The lead-lined "jokes" come fast, leaving big marks on our brains, before thudding through the floor. Yes, the major reason for a "film" such as this to exist is to show scantily-clad and / or naked females. Sadly, the sheer misery caused by this cinematic kidney stone negates any / all nakedness!

Perhaps, it helps to realize that when it was made, there was no internet, and hogwash like this was considered "risque' or "naughty". Truthfully, it doesn't really matter, since whale smegma is still cheeeze, regardless of its vintage...