The Being

Happy Easter, you One-Eyed Willy Monster.

As a bona fide horror fan, especially from the 80s, I'm shocked I missed this one. I've known about it my whole life, but never got to it. And wow, I'm pretty shocked how much they put into this.

The biggest positives stem from how many times they showed the penis creature, or at least, parts of the penis creature. Like right from the beginning, every couple of minutes until the great penis monster's climax.

Now, the acting, editing at times, continuity and people's unnatural reaction to green ooze all over the town or the monster's appearances are all bad, but I was actually entertained through to the end...even when I couldn't really comprehend how many penis monsters there were, if there were more than one or their powers.

I will have to also point out that I suspect the studio invited morons to its test screenings. In the beginning, there were a lot of odd narration (over a radio DJ - hard to hear both!) and voice overs to explain the thoughts of our husky lead detective. I bet they added these in post because, I assume, the test audience had less-than-desirable I.Q.s.

Some of the subplots I found amusing: Mayor Spuds Mackenzie and his extremely limited Jaws ripoff scenes and the townsfolk's objection to smut coming into their very Southern-acting town in Idaho. Specifically, they're scared of a massage parlor opening as they might be massaging something else...

(Insert penis monster reference here.)

It's not perfect, but I would've enjoyed the heck out of this as a kid for how many times we saw the monster in a creature feature. If you're like me with cheesy 80's monster movies, watch this.

***

Final Thoughts: It was a major coincidence I decided to watch this on Easter-Eve and I didn't even know it was a holiday film. Huh, they should really market this as such. I can't think of another Rated-R Easter Horror movie, other than The Passion of the Christ.

This isn't a magnificent movie, though it isn't a bad one either. This is pretty much as average as they come. A year before Toxi the Toxic Avenger graced out screens there was The Being.

This is a story about a boy who falls foul to a greedy Mayor who sells his soul to a corporation so they can dump pollution in his township. Once the boy is mutated, his damaged brain send him on a killing spree. As always, with the plethora of horror films, this could have been better, especially the story which is only there to create The Being.

What this film has in its favour is it's cast, though not the cream of the crop there are some very good masters of their craft involved. Both Martin Landau and Jose Ferrer in their respective roles of Dr Garson Jones and Mayor Gordon Lane, who is nice and sleazy. In fact, most of the cast give good performances with the material they have, even Roxanne Cybelle Osco, who is the little girl in the Easter Egg Hunt scene (one of my favourites in the film). The only person who seems miscast is Bill Osco as Detective Mortimer Lutz, his style is that of a Chippendale chair... Oh, and there's even a naked Traci Lord painting her toenails before being attacked by a rubber monster (sorry I couldn't resist - though it is true).

So why didn't this get a higher rating? For me, it's the directing. Though Jackie Kong's story isn't too bad for an '80's horror film his directing skills aren't up to the same standard. That said there are some good scenes. As I stated I liked the Easter Egg Hunt; I liked the opening sequence where you hear a radio broadcast informing the town that the storm has passed, this creates a nice atmosphere... which is then spoiled by a narration. The narration isn't required as everything is explained throughout the movie. I don't know if this was requested to be added later, it feels that way, or if it was the original plan, but what I do know is that it kills the atmosphere and spoils the feel of the film. This may even get a few people turning off. Kong is also good at filming in the dark as he opts to make everything visible (there's nothing worse than when a scene is so dark you cannot see what's happening). He can even build up the tension as the scene in the dinner shows, nice and creepy. If he could have kept this up for the entirety of the film it would have been so much better.

Then there are the effects. The ripping out of a heart is well done as is the oozing pollution which comes through the car's vents and radio. However, the monster itself is laughable and it's a good thing that you don't see it fully until the finale. It resembles a box of goo on a skateboard and the one eye it has doesn't look at all realistic; I was waiting for the glue to go off and the table tennis ball to fall off.

If you like, leave your brain at the door '80's horror and you've not seen this one yet then give it a gander as it's at least worth one viewing. It should be said that it would be better viewed in the dark with a nice cold drink... or two... or three... while the rain outside is spattering your window.

I actually enjoyed "The Being" for the most part. Obviously it's awful but isn't that the point? The basic plot is a small town in Idaho is victimized by a big, blubbering, wet and greasy, reddish-pink blob with one eye. He kills people at random and a determined detective is going to get to the bottom of it. Martin Landau plays a 'scientist' who is heading up a toxic waste dump research project who tries at first to stand in the detective's way, but then conceded that 'yes in fact, there is a problem in Pottsville...' Along the way we meet some awful actors and actresses and we are treated to many cheeseball performances and some lame killings. We get a nice view of the monster in the end and it actually is a little creepy. One thing we can say about this flick is that it is never really boring, no; it moves along pretty quickly with a decent amount of action.

All in all, I've seen worse, but I've definitely seen better within the genre. The genre of whence I speak being 80's drive-in trash, I mean what do you want?

5 out of 10, kids.

"The Being" is a schlocky creature feature made by female director Jackie Kong.I remember seeing her horror comedy "Blood Diner" many years ago and I didn't like it one bit."The Being" is a better horror film which has its share of flaws.A hideous mutant is running rampant in the small town of Pottsville,Idaho.It seems there has been some disposing of nuclear waste in the town dump,thus spawning the bloodthirsty being.There are some neat gore effects in "The Being" including a juicy decapitation and ripped out heart.The monster looks cheesy and the acting is atrocious.Overall,Jackie Kong's debut is a harmless piece of trash that provides some laughts.5 out of 10.

.... when it first came out. I still remember it being awful. But I told my friend it was awesome and recommended he take his girlfriend. He did and they both hated it as much as I did. Story still makes me laugh.