The Bitch

Joan Collins returns as middle-aged, sex-mad uber-bitch Fontaine Khaled in the inevitable sequel to The Stud, which sees her becoming involved with a hustler named Nico (Antonio Cantafora), who is trying to raise money to pay off his debts to the mob. But Nico isn't the only one with financial problems: Fontaine is also feeling the pinch, her divorce leaving her far less affluent and her London disco Hobo failing to pull in the crowds.

If you enjoyed the tacky disco-era smut that was The Stud, there's a very good chance that you'll enjoy The Bitch as well, this sequel delivering the same heady concoction of swinging sex, melodrama, and crazy dance floor action, all accompanied by a throbbing soundtrack of '70s smashers (including Leo Sayer, Real Thing, Blondie, and The Three Degrees).

Fontaine has nookie with every man she meets (sporting black basque, stockings and suspenders and chauffeur cap to seduce her driver), there's a swimming pool orgy scene (yes, another one!), Nico screws a mystery woman who turns out to be working for the mob, and Ian Hendry turns up as British gangster who wants Nico to pay off his debts by doing a small favour for him.

It's all instantly forgettable trash, as one might expect from a film based on a Jackie Collins novel, but it's fun for the duration.

An owner of a 1970's London disco gets sexually involved with a shady medallion man who may have dangerous Mafia links.

What a pile of junk this is! But, somehow and some way, I have a soft spot for it. A guilty pleasure that should be whispered lightly and only in limited company. It is so camp that on release it probably drove drag queen rushing towards the exits.

It does - however - capture the 70's disco scene and fashions as well as the faceless hits that pumped out of them. Clear and brainless padding though they are.

This is based on a (Jackie) Collins novel that shows the imagination of a newt: discos, glamour, the mob, diamonds, dancing and guys who think they look better with a thick moustache. If you were given the task of writing a script based on clichés you couldn't do better than this.

Lead Joan Collins, only a few years before so down-on-her-luck that she was signing on the dole, takes her clothes off for about six milliseconds to reveal a pale skinny body that has seen better days, but you still would, wouldn't you?

Everyone hated discos, even the people that went to them every week. Boring places where girls danced around handbags and every girl you spoke to was "waiting for her boyfriend." A plastic imitation of a good time. Not to mention that horrible, insisting, pounding music that made any dance floor conversation impossible. If there is a hell - it must be like a 70's disco.

Yes, you are probably going to hate it. Yes, you won't see what the point it is. But it is like a bad war film about a war that you went through yourself and have the scars to prove it - it keeps you involved even though there is a million other things that you really should be doing.

Before she became Alexis Carrington Colby in "Dynasty", Joan Collins was Fontaine Khaled in "The Stud" and then "The Bitch", both based on novels by her sister Jackie Collins. You could consider this to be a genesis story...

It's been said by some reviewers in recent years that the film doesn't live up to it's title, and that Fontaine isn't really even a bitch at all, she's just a wealthy, liberated woman. But at the time the book and the film were released in 1979, in the wake of the feminist movement, this kind of woman was most certainly seen in that way. A manipulative ball breaker in a fur coat. It's an image that Collins has clung to ever since because it became her fortune. It's true that Fontaine is more of a bitch in the book, where the way in which she affects the people around her is more pronounced, but the film brings her to life in ways the book can't (basque, suspenders and all). Fontaine uses men for her own gratification (usually sex or money), is utterly monstrous to her employees (both domestic and business), she even seduces her own chauffeur then discards him the next day as a quick and disposable one-off, and (in the film version but not the book) she even schemes with the Mafia to make sure her best friend's horse loses a high stakes derby so she can profit from it herself. By today's standards, we've seen women behave far worse in film and television in the decades since "The Bitch" was made, with every wicked female character tripping over themselves to out-do their predecessors in all types of settings from soap operas to sci-fi. Every couple of years, a new one comes off the conveyor belt, desperate to make their mark by being more deplorable than the last. To be a bitch has become something a cliché. But back in 1979, Fontaine Khaled was at the forefront of that whole wave and very much the prototype for what later became Collins' most famous character; the queen bitch herself - Alexis Carrington Colby in the 1980s TV series "Dynasty". In fact, the two characters are virtually identical in almost every way. Both are the former wives of wealthy businessmen, both had extra-marital affairs and were divorced by their husbands after their infidelities were discovered, both live jetset lifestyles with their ample (if undeserved) divorce settlements, both are dressed and groomed to the nines, both are chauffeured around in Rolls Royces, and both are vengeful, man-hungry, devious, manipulative, glamorous and, of course, bitchy. It's surprising that author Jackie Collins never sued Aaron Spelling for plagiarism.

The Bitch was never high-brow cinematic art, nor was it ever trying to be, but it is now something of a semi-camp classic. Its lurid, shallow, and often quite silly. There are about a dozen named "sponsors" in the credits who supplied the film's outfits, jewels, cars and furniture, firmly stamping the word "consumerism" all over it. Coupled with the endless nudity and bedroom romps, it's the culmination of 1970s exploitation films. But it's also quite fun. It has a great disco soundtrack (if that's your thing), and a memorable opening credits sequence with Collins becoming the artificial creature she was born to be, her mask constructed step by step, before your very eyes. Artifice becomes artistry. And all to her very own theme song, naturally, because she's THE Bitch. Even viewed simply as a time-capsule of a hedonistic bygone era, it's a far more polished film than it's predecessor, "The Stud", which I find to be the lesser of the two (but that's just me). But watching Collins in BOTH films, during the lowest point of her career and stooping to do soft porn is something of a guilty pleasure in itself. Bear in mind this is years before Madonna was parading around in next to nothing and shaking her cakes at any camera that would pay her the slightest attention (her entire career was built on it). But more importantly, it's interesting to see how this springboarded Collins into her prize role on "Dynasty" two years later, and her subsequent ascension to showbiz royalty after the years she spent as a has-been B-lister who would do absolutely anything for the money. A prize role, incidentally, for which she was not the first choice and for which she probably wouldn't have even been considered if it wasn't for her portrayal of Fontaine Khaled. Additionally, this was only the third of sister Jackie Collins' novels to be adapted for the screen, and she too would rise to greatness in the decade that followed. As Jackie herself once said "It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it." Love them or hate them, you've got to smile at just how game the Collins sisters were back then.

Don't mire yourself in expectations set by present day standards, and just enjoy "The Bitch" for the occasionally fun ride that she (oooops), I mean *it* is. 5/10.

Though I searched high and low, I couldn't find a copy of Joan Collins' previous movie, "The Stud", so I had to settle for watching this sequel. After watching the movie, I no longer have any desire to find the original film. Though sequels are typically bad, this movie was so bad that I simply could not picture "The Stud" being better. It's a shoddily made movie at times - some of the dialogue was obviously dubbed over in post- production. What's even worse is the story - more than a third into the movie, I was asking myself, "Just what is the point of this movie?" I asked myself that same question in the closing minutes of the movie! If you feel you can look over the pointless story and are just looking for trash, the movie still disappoints. Except for one mildly erotic sequence taking place at an indoor pool, the sporadic nude/sex sequences aren't the least bit enticing. If you want to see Joan Collins in a trashy movie, you'd be better of watching "Empire of the Ants".

This movie begins where The Stud left off. Fontaine is down and out, but she has plans to get back on her feet again. She is an interesting character; rather complex and obviously driven by sexual desire. Maybe this desire is about pleasure, maybe it is about being in control of her life. She is a very determined woman who goes after what she wants with everything she has. This movie is worth seeing if you like Joan Collins (she is in top form!) or really strange and not very good movies. I happen to like all sorts of movies. I find lots of bad ones enjoyable! Joan Collins gets to wear a lot of excellent ensembles and she plays a very good bitch! There are some good scenes, but the intro music is really quite terrible. I was embarrassed for it. Other than that I think you should watch it with an open mind and revel in how random a movie can be.