Let My Puppets Come

Gerard Damiano's Puppet porno Let My Puppets Come stops short of graphic human/puppet intercourse, but that doesn't mean that the film is suitable for the kids. Far from it... Damiano's movie goes much further than either Peter Jackson's outrageous Meet The Feebles (1989) or Brian Henson's more recent puppet crapfest The Happytime Murders (2018) by delivering all manner of XXX puppet-on-puppet action, including oral sex and puppet ejaculate (NOT silly string!). And with felt performers, Damiano is able to let his twisted mind run really wild, even depicting puppet bestiality!

The film is definitely something of a curiosity, unlikely to appeal to the dirty mac brigade, but not funny enough and a little too risqué to give it broader appeal. To make the movie even more niche, Damiano features several song and dance routines (some of which are actually pretty good), making this a puppet-porno-musical!

The film's totally bizarre mix of sex, music (some of which is by future two-time Oscar nominee Alan Silvestri) and grape throwing (watch it to see what I mean) makes it essential viewing for fans of cult oddities. Giving the film even more cult appeal is a role for Bloodsucking Freaks' Ralphus, dwarf performer Luis De Jesus (who started his screen career in a porn loop called The Anal Dwarf, but who worked his way up to play an ewok in Return of the Jedi).

This is not only the best hardcore porno puppet movie ever; it may just be the best hardcore porno movie ever. The acting is well above the usual porn standards. The actors have no problems with wood--they are wood! The actresses are probably slightly less synthetic and surgically-enhanced than today's porno starlets--and they seem to be genuinely enjoying their sex scenes. Is it erotic? Well, no, but neither are extreme close-ups of Ron Jeremy's perineum. And, hey, it's even on shot on film instead of video. My only regret is that I never got to see this during its original, (very) limited Time Square release (being 7 at the time they probably wouldn't have let me in the theater). I would have loved to see the look on the faces of all the sleazeballs and the slumming "porno chic" types who found "Deep Throat" to be a bold cultural statement when they got a gander of this thing!

Pornography is a strange thing; I mean porn distinct from erotically tinged or even centered film.

Porn by its nature is otherworldly, something that isn't real. The world of most porn has nothing at all in common with the world we live in except for a few words and the common existence of genitals. (Fortunately, surgical modification of those isn't popular yet.) The whole value is in pretending, where erotic art is all about revealing.

So porn might as well be done by puppets, cartoons or computerized animation. The only reason that's not prevalent I suppose is because folks off the street are cheap and plentiful. Well, here's an early experiment, one that fails in all respects except for perhaps humor. At least it is intended to be funny.

The later to be great Peter Jackson did something like this, but with a grosser attitude. This is mostly childish and the emphasis is on jokes. When I enter something like this, my first reaction isn't based on whether the jokes are funny, but whether they are clever and cinematic.

Most aren't, they're at the fifth grade level, which means they are desperate for attention. Some are slightly better: dumb ideas that seem slightly novel with puppets. The first episode is dog-girl, but because they are both equally removed from humanness, the overall effect is worthy of Jack Smith.

Only once, maybe twice is there a truly cinematic effect that takes advantage of the fact these are puppets. Towards the end, a fish, a man, some sex, some eating.

The oddest piece is an appearance by a human girl, a topless dancer who spends ever so long doing what she and many others I guess think is sexy. She looked like a puppet.

I think someone, someday will do something deep in this area. But this, it ain't even fishfood.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

Gerard Damiano, famous for the cult pornos "Deep Throat" and "The Devil in Miss Jones," delivered this downright bizarre film starring a cast of anatomically correct Muppet-like marionettes. The plot concerns a group of businessmen in financial despair who hit on the idea of making an adult movie for quick profits. It's filled with plenty of cheap sex gags, including some amusing opening credits. There are sequences that feature full frontal puppet nudity, puppet fellatio, onscreen puppet penetration, and even a puppet ejaculation shot. The humor and absurdity of such gimmicks wears off fairly quick, replaced by an experience that is ultimately disturbing. You have to wonder just who the intended audience was. There are far too many ridiculous and unneccesary musical numbers for the adult movie crowd, and too many baffling and unexplained moments to be a comedy, and it's certainly not the usual fare of puppet animation buffs. There are a few appearances by actual humans, including "Screw" magazine publisher Al Goldstein and not one, but two cast members from Joel Reed's "Bloodsucking Freaks" (Viju Krem and dwarf actor Luis De Jesus). The entire mess is about 40 minutes too long, and would have fared better as a short.

Revisited this one via the shiny Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray, which means I've now seen the uncut version. It's actually an improvement. With more space for the bad jokes, and more space for the songs which are actually the good parts, the whole thing works better. I'm still not huge on Damiano's comedies, but this one isn't bad and better than his most famous comedy, DEEP THROAT. It still has some pacing issues that prevent me from loving it, but it's at least watchable and fun in this version and not the annoying, nonsensical chore I found it in the previous 43 minute cut version..