Bloodthirsty Butchers

Bloodthirsty Butchers is z-grade horror director Andy Milligan's version of Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Working on an extremely small budget, Milligan unwisely attempts to recreate the look and feel of Victorian England and, rather unsurprisingly, fails on almost every level, with particularly unconvincing production design, the film boasting patently fake shop facades and completely unauthentic costumery (did Milligan actually research the era or did he just go with what he imagined it was like?).

The film stars Annabella Wood as Johanna Jeffrey, assistant in the bakery run by Maggie Lovett (Jane Hilary), who gets the delicious filling for her meat pies from barber Sweeney Todd, who kills customers with his cut-throat razor. Johanna is planning to quit her job to marry her fiancé Jarvis (Michael Cox), but is unaware of the murder and mayhem that surrounds her, at least until Jarvis falls victim to the evil Mr. Todd.

Weighed down by interminable scenes of dreadful dialogue, and suffering from hopelessly amateurish direction, the film is yet another test of one's resolve from the always awful Milligan, making it through to the end being a challenge for even the most hardened of horror fans. Along the way, we are treated to just a smattering of nudity (from Susan Cassidy, as songstress Anna, who is having an affair with Sweeney), some terrible gore (rubber appendages are hacked off and there's an unconvincing meat cleaver in the head effect), and the unforgettable sight of a severed breast in a pie, all of which just about saves the film from earning the absolute minimum rating possible.

What a terrible movie this was! I made it about 50 minutes into it and started skipping chapters until the end. The plot is nothing special, and the dialog from the movie deviates from the main story so much that your head will explode out of rage. Many useless minutes wasted just listening to characters jabber on about something irrelevant to the plot, AND/OR something that could said in a shorter amount of time. The camera work is shaky, and grainy. It seemed Mr. Milligan needed to take his finger off of the zoom button! I noticed also that at some points during this movie it seemed that Andy was having seizures, and would uncontrollably shake the camera. The splices between scenes were jumpy and didn't flow. The murder scenes were nothing special - incredibly, and laughably fake. Barely any gore, as the title suggests. This movie runs about 1 hour 20 minutes and the murder scenes take up about 1 minute TOTAL of the whole movie - if that. What a wretched piece of garbage this movie was. Andy Milligan is in fact probably one of the worst directors to plague mankind with his talentless directing, and camera-work. Usually, I can make it through really bad horror movies, and laugh about it later. BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS, however, I can't. I am just angry I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this (what I wouldn't do to gain it back). Take my suggestion, and DO NOT see this movie unless you plan on falling asleep. TERRIBLE.

Ooof! The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (John Miranda) lets you know his business right away as he cuts a man's throat in the first three minutes (he pulls a towel over the victim's face and the guy reacts as if he is being pulled back, despite his attacker letting go at one point). Sweeney pockets the valuables and the rest goes into the meat pies of Mrs. Lovett (Jane Hilary). Things get complicated when good girl shop worker Johanna (Annabella Wood) wonders where her boyfriend disappeared to. Good God! Only Andy Milligan could drag down the exploitation material found in the Todd story. You know what the other adaptations of that Penny Dreadful were missing? How about looooong scenes of people talking and talking and talking. To be fair, there is about a minute of pretty good stuff in here, mostly coming from some meat cleaver attacks. Milligan recreates the 19th century about as well as I can waltz and I'm pretty sure one scene has a shot of a modern era heater in the back and light switches. Miranda's Sweeney looks like a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Bowzer from Sha Na Na, but he is, surprisingly, a decent actor. The rest of the cast is there, local theater English accents and all. Look for "fortnight" to be said twice within the first ten minutes.

Inspired by the classic urban legend of Sweeney Todd, a murderous barber who kills his customers and has them baked into pies by his business partner, Bloodthirsty Butchers keeps the basic foundation and makes up the rest with less than ideal results.

Of course, it looks even cheaper than an elementary school play, but that could be forgiven if the script was tight and the acting was better. Unfortunately, it's not and the most you have to look forward to are a few gory murder scenes that don't much convince.

BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS is Director Andy Milligan's dubious take on SWEENEY TODD. As such, it contains all of the Milligan mainstays: sub-trash, thrift store costumes, beyond rubbish dialogue, "actors" who appear dazed by their surroundings, not-so special effects, etc.

John Miranda plays the barbarous barber, and Jane Hillary is his ghoulish, piemaking accomplice, Maggie Lovett. In all fairness, the two principals don't do a bad job of wading through this swill. Alas, Milligan's signature lack of production values leaves them adrift, while the other characters leave no impression at all.

As with the vast majority of the Director's epics, the main problem lies in just how bloody boring it all is! One vacuous vignette after another shuffles across the screen, interrupted only occasionally by some rib-tickling violence.

Milligan movies are a true test of one's constitution. This one is no exception! Most viewers will wilt almost immediately, while even the initiated will fight to pay attention or to stay awake. This is incredibly difficult, even if your eyelids are stapled to your forehead, and you've placed a hot coal in each shoe!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: #1- The "love scene" that's almost as erotic as watching pumpkins bob against each other in a barrel! #2- For anyone who can discern the breed of dog that makes the humanoid whining sound that's found in this film!...