No Hands on the Clock

In one of the first Pine-Thomas B films from Paramount Chester Morris and Jean Parker play a bargain basement version of Nick and Nora Charles in No Hands On The Clock. I'm thinking this might have been something that Bill Pine and Bill Thomas had in mind for a series, but Morris's next film was his first Boston Blackie.

Morris is a detective specializing in missing persons cases and is hired to find the missing son of a ranch owner who enjoys the casinos in Reno and all they have to offer. Several murders later we find who's been responsible for a small crime wave including a fake kidnapping of the missing son in question.

Dick Purcell has a nice role along with Astrid Allwyn as a known gangster whom the cops and the FBI think is responsible for all of this. Allwyn plays a very wise moll to Purcell, their scenes with Morris and Parker have some real bite.

This definitely could have been a series had Morris not already signed for Boston Blackie.

Humphrey Campbell is a private detective working for a small agency specializing in missing persons cases. In his latest case, he tracks down a missing heiress and then calls his boss, Oscar Flack, and tells him that he won't be bringing the heiress, Louise, home because he and Louise just got married and they're going on a honeymoon. Oscar tells Humphrey that an important case has come up - a rancher in Nevada's adult son has gone missing. Oscar convinces Humphrey to investigate and on their way to Reno, Humphrey and Louise stop at a bank and end up in the middle of a bank holdup led by one Red Harris. Then in Reno, Oscar convinces Humphrey to take the case even though Humphrey is disinclined to do so because the FBI are involved but Oscar sweetens the deal by promising Louise a fur coat. The whole plot becomes increasingly complicated with a slew of suspects. Chester Morris plays Humphrey as a wise cracking, fast talking character just like his more famous Boston Blackie character. And what an entertaining character it is. My favorite scene is when the milk drinking Humphrey orders a glass of milk from bartender Jack Norton. Norton's reaction to this request is a hoot especially since Norton is most famous for his bit roles playing a drunk although in real life Norton was a teetotaler. The whole movie is fun throughout. Jean Parker does a very nice job as the feisty Louise and she and Morris have a great chemistry together. It was also fun spotting some favorite character actors such as Dick Purcell, George J. Lewis, and Milburn Stone. Available at Internet Archives and YouTube, this movie is well worth seeking out.

Private detective Chester Morris phones his boss: he has found the person their detective agency was hired to find, but he is not bringing her back—in fact, he's just married her and they're on their way to Reno for a honeymoon. Alas, the boss follows and mystery awaits Morris and new wife Jean Parker; the couple check into a hotel across the street from a mortuary fronted by a large clock with swinging pendulum but no actual hands, where they proceed to spend a merry 75 minutes chasing crooks and each other around the neighborhood.

A strong cast of B movie stalwarts includes Dick Purcell as a bank robber named Red, and Astrid Allwyn as a dangerous female at the bar. George Watts is the comical yet crafty boss detective who drags our man Chester into the case by promising to buy Parker a fur coat when the case is finished. (Other familiar faces who appear in bits include Milburn Stone as an FBI man and Keye Luke as a cash-hungry fired house servant.)

The plot is, frankly, way too involved and packed with too many characters for it all to make a lot of sense. Among other story threads, it seems that both the FBI and the gang of robbers think that Chester is a fellow bank robber whom he apparently resembles greatly (but whom we never meet).

What are easy to follow, however, are the reasons we watch in the first place—little touches like Morris's fondness for milk contrasted with Parker's inability to drink it at all; the accordion that Morris repeatedly picks up but never gets around to playing for more than a measure or so; and, of course, the handless clock that our heroes can see from their hotel window. (A symbol of something? Perhaps it would have been in a movie that had had the time to develop such an idea.)

It's fast moving and fun. Having watched with moderate attentiveness, I can honestly say that I don't feel much moved by the actual plot, and I'm not particularly concerned about the meaning of the clock. However—I would like to ask the same question of Chester Morris and his accordion that the room service boy asked him early on in the picture: "Can you jive on that thing?"

The players here are wonderful, Chester Morris as his usually cocky confident self as PI Humphrey Campbell, Jean Parker doing a great poverty row version of Nora Charles minus the family fortune as new bride Louise Campbell, Rose Hobart looking like she's up to no good but you just can't catch her in the act, George Watts as Humphrey's flaky boss who is overly interested in hand puppets, Dick Purcell at his menacing best given his brief screen time, and I could just go on forever.

So, you might say what was needed here were "more hands on the script". The title comes from the fact that the Darwin mortuary, conveniently located across from where the Campbells are honeymooning, installs a clock with no hands because, as the macabre little man running the mortuary states "death is timeless". The film starts out straightforward enough - Humphrey is on his honeymoon with his wife in, of all places, Reno??? That was the divorce capital of the U.S. back at the time this film was made, so things start out goofy and just get goofier. Turns out Humphrey only drinks milk, and loves to play the accordion, which he does as he and his bride settle into the honeymoon suite. Then Humphrey's boss Flack comes knocking at the door. Turns out he came all the way from LA to get Humphrey to interrupt his honeymoon and go looking for the missing son of a rich man, one that the FBI is looking for too, although they won't say why. Flack promises the pay off will be big and will only take a couple of hours, so Humphrey decides to take the case, although with Flack being a bit of flake you have to wonder why Humphrey would believe him. Well, it turns out things are more complex than that and eventually involve three murders, one of which looks like it's going to be pinned on Humphrey for awhile.

The main problem with this goofy little mystery is that in several places one of the characters will spout off a slew off facts in rapid fire. Humphrey will seize on just one thing said and that will comprise the motivation of the next ten minutes of action without any further explanation. So you have to rewind and look for what was said that would be causing Humphrey to take a particular action. This confusing state of affairs goes on all through the film, and if it were not for the delightful and often comic delivery of the players it might ruin the entire experience.

There is one great big plot hole involving Dick Purcell's character that is not explained in this movie as far as I can tell, and I watched it twice. It has to do with Red Harris' relationship to Humphrey and why Harris is useful to Humphrey in the first place. It looks like maybe they forgot to shoot at least one entire scene that would have sewed up all the loose ends.

I'd still recommend this one, just be prepared to rewind a lot and maybe even watch it in its entirety a second time. If this thing had been put out by a major studio with the same story and exactly the same players and had the benefit of the direction, screenplay finesse, and editing talents they had at their disposal, I would have given this one an 8/10 and put it right up there with The Thin Man.

It's one of the movies that Chester Morris starred in for Pine-Thomas, producers of good B movies for Paramount. Morris plays a private detective who has just married his occasional co-star Jean Parker, when they get involved in a missing person case in Reno.

It's a decent effort, although director Frank MacDonald directs it with his budget clearly in mind, and Miss Parker seems to be doing a Paulette Goddard imitation. There are mild screwball overtones, and Morris is good at them, but there are too many suspects left in from Daniel Mainwaring's novel.

Still, as with most of the Pine-Thomas productions, there's a good deal of pleasure watching actors and actresses either before they became famous (there's Rod Cameron away from the westerns), or past their glory days (Jack Norton, perennial comic drunk, plays a bar tender!), While by no means one of Pine-Thomas' better productions, it gets the job done.