sir-montag
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Note de sir-montag
I've seen some stinkers - The Room, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Ryan Reynolds's Green Lantern - and they all pale before this movie.
Rarely has such a capable, talented cast been wasted on a script this bad, with a director this bad. I'm not sure what they were paid, but I hope it was Jaws III level money, otherwise it's an utter embarrassment to otherwise good careers.
Where to begin... An arms deal gone bad. That's a fantastic opening to work from, which many other films have taken and done well with - Lord of War, etc, etc.
But this? This is just... Milquetoast pablum. People yell and shoot at each other for over an hour and nothing changes, nothing advances, no truths are uncovered. Other than the amazing potential for actors to sustain flesh wounds, and guns to have Hollywood-level magazine counts.
There is little more to this than actors yelling and shooting. I wish there was, I do. And so will you, if you have the misfortune to see this steaming pile. But it's not bad enough to be funny, or campy enough for drunken laughs with friends. It's just... Bad.
Don't see this film. Do anything else. Do your taxes. Sort your socks. Mop your floors, clean out your dryer lint trap. All of these things will provide you with more entertainment than this film could ever hope to.
Rarely has such a capable, talented cast been wasted on a script this bad, with a director this bad. I'm not sure what they were paid, but I hope it was Jaws III level money, otherwise it's an utter embarrassment to otherwise good careers.
Where to begin... An arms deal gone bad. That's a fantastic opening to work from, which many other films have taken and done well with - Lord of War, etc, etc.
But this? This is just... Milquetoast pablum. People yell and shoot at each other for over an hour and nothing changes, nothing advances, no truths are uncovered. Other than the amazing potential for actors to sustain flesh wounds, and guns to have Hollywood-level magazine counts.
There is little more to this than actors yelling and shooting. I wish there was, I do. And so will you, if you have the misfortune to see this steaming pile. But it's not bad enough to be funny, or campy enough for drunken laughs with friends. It's just... Bad.
Don't see this film. Do anything else. Do your taxes. Sort your socks. Mop your floors, clean out your dryer lint trap. All of these things will provide you with more entertainment than this film could ever hope to.
I have never seen a film this bad. Manos: The Hands of Fate, The Star Wars Holiday Special, these are Oscar-nominated films by comparison. I struggle to pare down the list of adjectives for 'horrible' that I'll use here.
I'd summarize the plot, but other reviewers have covered that fairly well. Let's get on to the strangeness *behind* this surprisingly horrible film.
The interesting thing is that it's horrible by design, in the sense that it isn't bad because the people making it were inexperienced or simply among the worst in the entire film industry. Adam Sandler's production company 'Happy Madison Productions' has produced a fair number of films that have done well, if generally with questionable taste in every aspect.
The first thing you'll find puzzling when seeing this film is 'This had a budget of 80 MILLION - where did it go?'. 'Independence Day' cost 5 million less than this and you have much, much, much higher production values. The film's actual cost of production looks to have been closer to about 5 million, if that. The rest went to line the pockets of... Well, I'm sure you can make an educated guess.
The commercial product placement alone is beyond the pale - there is a full-blown TV style commercial right in the middle for a cruise line. It looks like a TV commercial, it feels like a TV commercial, then you're back to movie-land. The cruise line was so kind to shoot footage for them!
Dunkin Donuts also bears much of the shame for this entire debacle. They have a commercial at the end that is just... Well, it's so bad you have to see it. It will leave you with absolutely no respect for Al Pacino, if you had any left after making it through the majority of the film. I don't know what sort of bills he has to pay, but they must be horrific if he's accepting work like this now.
This is one of those movies that will end up in film criticism text books citing how bad things became at this point in history. If it were only so bad that it became unintentionally funny, it would deserve a spot on the wall with Mano: Hands of Fate. But it's deliberately bad, just the bare minimum to pose as a film and get money into the hands of the producer and his friends. The sad thing is, they did nothing illegal. Not even Uwe Boll financially questionable. They just figured out how to game the system, I congratulate them on that. The sales execs at Pepto-Bismol, Coke, Royal Canadian Cruise Lines, Dunkin Donuts and Sony really need to learn when to draw the line on product placement. But this is really a case where no one could say no, to the detriment of all that is good in this world.
See this movie at some point, but do not spend any money to do so. See it only to know how bad movies can be.
I'd summarize the plot, but other reviewers have covered that fairly well. Let's get on to the strangeness *behind* this surprisingly horrible film.
The interesting thing is that it's horrible by design, in the sense that it isn't bad because the people making it were inexperienced or simply among the worst in the entire film industry. Adam Sandler's production company 'Happy Madison Productions' has produced a fair number of films that have done well, if generally with questionable taste in every aspect.
The first thing you'll find puzzling when seeing this film is 'This had a budget of 80 MILLION - where did it go?'. 'Independence Day' cost 5 million less than this and you have much, much, much higher production values. The film's actual cost of production looks to have been closer to about 5 million, if that. The rest went to line the pockets of... Well, I'm sure you can make an educated guess.
The commercial product placement alone is beyond the pale - there is a full-blown TV style commercial right in the middle for a cruise line. It looks like a TV commercial, it feels like a TV commercial, then you're back to movie-land. The cruise line was so kind to shoot footage for them!
Dunkin Donuts also bears much of the shame for this entire debacle. They have a commercial at the end that is just... Well, it's so bad you have to see it. It will leave you with absolutely no respect for Al Pacino, if you had any left after making it through the majority of the film. I don't know what sort of bills he has to pay, but they must be horrific if he's accepting work like this now.
This is one of those movies that will end up in film criticism text books citing how bad things became at this point in history. If it were only so bad that it became unintentionally funny, it would deserve a spot on the wall with Mano: Hands of Fate. But it's deliberately bad, just the bare minimum to pose as a film and get money into the hands of the producer and his friends. The sad thing is, they did nothing illegal. Not even Uwe Boll financially questionable. They just figured out how to game the system, I congratulate them on that. The sales execs at Pepto-Bismol, Coke, Royal Canadian Cruise Lines, Dunkin Donuts and Sony really need to learn when to draw the line on product placement. But this is really a case where no one could say no, to the detriment of all that is good in this world.
See this movie at some point, but do not spend any money to do so. See it only to know how bad movies can be.
If someone gave you $300 million dollars and said "Make me an awesome movie about the Green Lantern", you might think to yourself 'Ah, twice as much money as Thor and X-Men: First Class had - easy as pie!'. If you're director Martin Campbell and you've impressed everyone with movies like Edge of Darkness and Casino Royale, but secretly hate super hero movies and Hollywood producers with an insane cunning, and really want to make an expensive pile of fail, you'd have made "Green Lantern".
The short review - don't waste your money on this unless you *literally* have nothing better to do than watch paint dry. If you like comic books, or even just action movies, AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
Where to begin... I heard bad things about the movie, but I thought 'How bad could it be?'.
First things first. Ryan Reynolds. Generally known for playing slightly air-headed characters with a sense of humor and formulaic Hollywood looks. Star of fifty-two mostly forgettable movies. And this is the person you cast for a tent-pole blockbuster that is about as comedic as Schindler's List? The Green Lantern's romantic interest, Blake Lively looks good, but can only do so much with the steaming pile of dialog she's been handed. Peter Sarsgaard as the mad scientist turned-host-to-evil-from-beyond-space! does quite well as a somewhat sympathetic villain. Save Sarsgaard and Mark Strong to a lesser extent, it's a text book exercise in bad casting of middle-of-the road actors.
Second, 150 million for marketing, 150 million for production, that buys some seriously impressive CGI, right? I mean, all three Lord of the Rings movies had about 15 million less for their combined budgets and look at the CGI there. From a tragic airport field at night that resembles a ray-trace from 1983 to CGI characters with entirely humanoid features (the Guardians) that aren't even *lip-synched* to a monster with a face that looks like something out of a Saturday morning children's cartoon and is roughly as terrifying, it's an amateur effort all around. Then there's the Green Lantern himself - something about the human head on the CGI body looks off for the entire film, and you sit in the theater thinking about a floating head attached to a CGI body rather than an actual character.
Third, the dialog, characters and plot belong in a straight-to-DVD release. Credited writers Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim and Michael Goldenberg are most known for Dawson's Creek, Smallville, CSI: Miami and Bed of Roses, respectively. With an all-star team of writers like that... Oh wait. Right. Most of those are awful in terms of writing. It's almost as if someone set out to create an all-star team of the most clichéd and bland writers they could get.
Super hero movies are experiencing a golden age - for the first time, CGI has gotten to the point where comic books can make the transition to the big screen and be something to actually take seriously and not just as entertainment for children. And for the most point, in no small part due to Marvell Studio's efforts - they've done so flawlessly. With a batting average far above Hollywood as a whole, a reputation for quality in an arena that has historically commanded little respect, they've succeeded far beyond the initial hopes of fans everywhere.
DC, Marvell's traditional rival in the comic book world, on the other hand, is doing their best to sink all of that to the bottom of the Mariana trench. With such efforts as Smallville and Jonah Hex, they're doing a bang-up job at that. The notable exception being RED, while not a fantastic movie, it was decidedly entertaining. The rest of their production credits read like children's entertainment. Oh wait, it is! It all comes together like a perfect storm of fail, with DC at the helm of the SS Failboat assuring everyone that it will be a wonderful film as the viewers watch in horror as a giant wave of bad acting, horrendous plot and shambling dialog prepares to smash the entire ship to flinders. Even Ang Lee is laughing, because the title of worst big-budget comic book movie has been snatched from his grateful hands. If you don't see this film, you won't have to work to forget it. Save yourself the trouble and don't.
The short review - don't waste your money on this unless you *literally* have nothing better to do than watch paint dry. If you like comic books, or even just action movies, AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
Where to begin... I heard bad things about the movie, but I thought 'How bad could it be?'.
First things first. Ryan Reynolds. Generally known for playing slightly air-headed characters with a sense of humor and formulaic Hollywood looks. Star of fifty-two mostly forgettable movies. And this is the person you cast for a tent-pole blockbuster that is about as comedic as Schindler's List? The Green Lantern's romantic interest, Blake Lively looks good, but can only do so much with the steaming pile of dialog she's been handed. Peter Sarsgaard as the mad scientist turned-host-to-evil-from-beyond-space! does quite well as a somewhat sympathetic villain. Save Sarsgaard and Mark Strong to a lesser extent, it's a text book exercise in bad casting of middle-of-the road actors.
Second, 150 million for marketing, 150 million for production, that buys some seriously impressive CGI, right? I mean, all three Lord of the Rings movies had about 15 million less for their combined budgets and look at the CGI there. From a tragic airport field at night that resembles a ray-trace from 1983 to CGI characters with entirely humanoid features (the Guardians) that aren't even *lip-synched* to a monster with a face that looks like something out of a Saturday morning children's cartoon and is roughly as terrifying, it's an amateur effort all around. Then there's the Green Lantern himself - something about the human head on the CGI body looks off for the entire film, and you sit in the theater thinking about a floating head attached to a CGI body rather than an actual character.
Third, the dialog, characters and plot belong in a straight-to-DVD release. Credited writers Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim and Michael Goldenberg are most known for Dawson's Creek, Smallville, CSI: Miami and Bed of Roses, respectively. With an all-star team of writers like that... Oh wait. Right. Most of those are awful in terms of writing. It's almost as if someone set out to create an all-star team of the most clichéd and bland writers they could get.
Super hero movies are experiencing a golden age - for the first time, CGI has gotten to the point where comic books can make the transition to the big screen and be something to actually take seriously and not just as entertainment for children. And for the most point, in no small part due to Marvell Studio's efforts - they've done so flawlessly. With a batting average far above Hollywood as a whole, a reputation for quality in an arena that has historically commanded little respect, they've succeeded far beyond the initial hopes of fans everywhere.
DC, Marvell's traditional rival in the comic book world, on the other hand, is doing their best to sink all of that to the bottom of the Mariana trench. With such efforts as Smallville and Jonah Hex, they're doing a bang-up job at that. The notable exception being RED, while not a fantastic movie, it was decidedly entertaining. The rest of their production credits read like children's entertainment. Oh wait, it is! It all comes together like a perfect storm of fail, with DC at the helm of the SS Failboat assuring everyone that it will be a wonderful film as the viewers watch in horror as a giant wave of bad acting, horrendous plot and shambling dialog prepares to smash the entire ship to flinders. Even Ang Lee is laughing, because the title of worst big-budget comic book movie has been snatched from his grateful hands. If you don't see this film, you won't have to work to forget it. Save yourself the trouble and don't.