Tom_Benton

Seeing the trailers for the film, I decided that - while I am a big fan of comic book movies - HELLBOY looked like a bore. Boy, was I wrong. When I popped in the DVD of HELLBOY, from the first few minutes of the film, I loved it.

Hellboy is a demon who was brought out of a hell dimension by the Nazis in 1944. He was taken in by a paranormal specialist, who nicknamed him "Hellboy" and taught him the basics of demon life. I guess. How the hell he potty-trained him, I don't know. Cut to sixty years later - Hellboy is the FBI's top-secret tool to kick demon ass.

First of all, let's get down to the acting. Ron Perlman is a very gifted actor, and he has never been better than as the title character in this film. His portrayal of the cocky, sometimes reckless good-guy demon is absolutely flawless. The rest of the cast performs well, but Perlman completely and utterly steals the show.

The story of the film is what attracted me to it at first. The whole idea with the Nazis and such I find to be very interesting. The screenplay is absorbing, action-packed, and frequently funny, but I must admit that it lags a little towards the end.

Another fun part of the film is its atmosphere. It feels like it comes straight out of a comic book, with its dark subway stations and nighttime scenes with an orange haze.

The special effects are terrific. Abe Sapien is Hellboy's sometime companion, a sort of fishy character with psychic abilities; and then we have Liz, Hellboy's dream girl who just happens to have a little fire in her. That's a pun, by the way.

Just watch the movie.

What can I say to get you to watch it? It's one of the funnest films I've seen recently, and it completely and totally surpassed my expectations. I really wish we had more films like this.

I can't wait for HELLBOY 2.

HELLBOY by Guillermo del Toro. *** 1/2 out of ****.

Ah, friends. Come sit with me as we experience the Quickening. If we both stick our hands into a puddle of orange, shiny goo, we'll be shocked, and yet, united. Then we can battle the evil Katana and save Zeist from ... from what?

This is the effect of HIGHLANDER II.

HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING is set in the future. Well, at least, I think it is. The film begins on Earth in the year 1999. Then, it heads off to the planet Zeist 500 years before. Following that, we're back to Earth in the year 2024. I'd say the film is pretty much divided between being on Earth in 2024 and Zeist 500 years before, but I think it was meant to be on Earth in 2024.

Now that that's cleared up ...

Imagine, if you will, that most of what they told us in the original HIGHLANDER was crap. Immortals don't come from nowhere, they come from the planet Zeist. The entire original HIGHLANDER movie was lies! Lies! Lies!

And if you believe that, I've got some $200,000 property for you down in sunny North Carolina.

Connor MacLeod, the main character of the original film (played by Christopher Lambert), is old and dying. When, in 1999, the Earth's ozone layer was nearly completely gone, MacLeod created The Shield Corporation, which then created a shield which would protect the Earth from the sun's violent rays. But in 2024, the world is a dark dungheap, and MacLeod's pretty much to blame.

Now let's go back to the planet Zeist. General Katana (Michael Ironside) is pretty pissed. MacLeod's still alive. So he sends his two retarded minions to kill MacLeod. The extremely elderly MacLeod somehow starts dancing around like Dean Martin and beheads both of them. The power of their lifeforce makes him young once again and free to kiss terrorist Louise Marcus (Virginia Madsen) and then try to take down the world's anti-Ozone shield. Oh yeah, the ozone's healed, by the way.

So then Katana comes to Earth to kill MacLeod, who is suddenly super-cool and ready to kill Katana. But for some reason, he needs help. So the producers paid Sean Connery $3.5 million. Behold! Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez is resurrected from the dead and comes back (for nine minutes of screen time) to help MacLeod shut down the shield.

If you haven't figured it out by now, HIGHLANDER II is completely messed-up.

I haven't seen a sequel this bad in who knows how long. It contradicts the entire HIGHLANDER mythos, and thus was ignored in every other sequel and television series that followed.

But there is a good side to the film. I think Ebert said it best in his review of the film: he describes HIGHLANDER II as being "a movie almost awesome in its badness". How awesome do you hear that? But that's exactly what HIGHLANDER II is: almost awesome in its badness.

It may be one of the worst films ever made, and it may be the worst sequel, but it is also a very fun and frequently (unintentionally) funny film. In the words of the Immortal Ramirez, "If you can summon it all up, at one time, in one place, you can accomplish something glorious."

Whatever that means.

NOTE: There are two versions of the film. The theatrical version, called the Quickening, has just been reviewed here. The director's cut has been re-named the "Renegade Version" and changes much of the film's story. The film has also been completely re-edited. The Quickening version runs 89 minutes, while the Renegade version runs 109.

HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING by Russell Mulcahy. * 1/2 out of ****.

Join me, if you will, as we travel back to 1978. College buddies Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, and Bruce Campbell are preparing to put their Super-8 days behind them and move on to The Big Time. But before they can enter the Land of Moviemaking, they have to decide what it is they're going to make. Deciding that a horror film would be most fun, they shoot "Within the Woods" as a way to raise funds for the production of their film. Soon, they have around $150,000 - little for a film, but they decide it'll be enough to get started. And so production on "Book of the Dead" begins.

Now, let's fast-forward to a time around late 1981 or early 1982. After about four years of torturous filming and production work, it seems that "Book of the Dead" is ready to be released. A test screening is performed, and it does very well. But producer Irvin Shapiro says, "Boys, you call it 'Book of the Dead' and they're gonna think they're gonna have to read for two hours." And so the production is re-named, released, and raved about by critics everywhere (including the Master himself, Stephen King). Congratulations, folks: you now have "The Evil Dead".

The film's shallow story deals with a group of five college students, who travel to a cabin in the woods for a weekend of good times and beer. At the cabin, however, they discover an odd-looking book and a tape, which they proceed to listen to. On it are Sumarian burial rites that, when said aloud, awakens evil flesh-possessive spirits from the woods. One by one the kids are picked off - until only Ash (Bruce Campbell) remains...

Sam Raimi, now at the peak of his career with the "Spider-Man" series, wrote and directed this low-budget horror thriller, which I believe I can safely call a "classic". The film is, for the most part, very original, and while its predictability may reduce the amount of scary scenes, its a non-stop rollercoaster ride of gore that horror films will likely love.

Bruce Campbell's character, Ash, is for the most part weak and nerdish through much of the film. Unlike its sequels, "Evil Dead" makes no attempt at being funny, but it makes a hell of a fine attempt at creeping us out.

"The Evil Dead" is a horror landmark that spawned one of the best-loved trilogies ever. Those with a very vulnerable stomach may want to steer clear of the film, which originally received an NC-17 rating but was released unrated for better box office sales. Simply put, "Evil Dead" is essential for any casual horror viewers.