meryles

Okay, first of all, this movie confused me so utterly the first ten times i saw it that i had to just keep watching it until it made sense. I wondered (and still do) if the people who dubbed it for release in the US even owned a translation, or if they just made all the dialogue up on the fly. But honestly, DRAGON AGAINST VAMPIRE has EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It has a magic kung fu master who scampers around on his hands because he never leaves full lotus position. When we first meet him, he seems to be living underground. There are random flashbacks that are difficult to distinguish from dream sequences or all the other random parts of the movie. There is a fat man who pounds his belly a lot and cooks and eats a dog. Suddenly the waitress' pants fall down. And then they are haunted. Random bad things happen. There are bells and strings on the ground. What's going on? Why are their faces on the billboard? Why is that man trying to beat them up on the side of the road? Good god, is he escaping on top of a giant tortoise or is it a motor-propelled log? What is going on?????????

Anyway, Do you get my drift here? Eventually i understood what it all meant and how it fit together (as you will too, with time and patience), but if you put your intellectual sensibilities aside for just a little while, this is one of the greatest, most nonsensical pieces of cheap cinema ever available for $3.99 at your local five-and-dime (i bought mine at Woolworth's before they went out of business and have never regretted it for a moment!!!!). I strongly recommend this movie to everyone with a good sense of humor, a loose grip on reality, and an alcoholic beverage (or else a peculiar friend who never stops laughing and can speak in funny voices).

All right, so there are plenty of vampire movies. There are even a number of comedic flicks in the genre. But unlike juvenile tripe such as "My best friend is a vampire" and "love at first bite," "MODERN VAMPIRES" truly excels as a quality adult horror film, ripe and rife with sparkling wit, clever innuendo, hot and sexy vampire vixens, excellent acting, and art direction of a caliber that allows genuinely qualified comparison to major hollywood studio pictures. And unlike "Dusk til Dawn," there was actually good writing and a fun, ingenious plot, nearly gordian in complexity, that kept me guessing right up to, literally, the very last minute of the film!!!!!! And yet it was just as entertaining to watch this movie a SECOND time!!! I look forward to watching it a third time as well. Certainly a MAJOR achievement in this age of cutting intellectual corners (especially in action films) to leave more room for the sex and violence. And yet there was still plenty of sex and violence, my friends-- hooray for the sex and violence! With enough blood to satisfy even a rather jaded geek such as myself, MODERN VAMPIRES kept me wide-eyed and laughing, entertained from the first scene to the last. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE and wait with bated breath for more such excellent films from clearly visionary director Elfman.

Hilarious, evocative, confusing, brilliant film. Reminds me of Bunuel's L'Age D'Or or Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain-- lots of strange characters mucking about and looking for..... what is it? I laughed almost the whole way through, all the while keeping a peripheral eye on the bewildered and occasionally horrified reactions of the audience that surrounded me in the theatre. Entertaining through and through, from the beginning to the guts and poisoned entrails all the way to the end, if it was an end. I only wish i could remember every detail. It haunts me sometimes.

Honestly, though, i have only the most positive recollections of this film. As it doesn't seem to be available to take home and watch, i suppose i'll have to wait a few more years until Crispin Glover comes my way again with his Big Slide Show (and subsequent "What is it?" screening)... I saw this film in Atlanta almost directly after being involved in a rather devastating car crash, so i was slightly dazed at the time, which was perhaps a very good state of mind to watch the prophetic talking arthropods and the retards in the superhero costumes and godlike Glover in his appropriate burly-Q setting, scantily clad girlies rising out of the floor like a magnificent DADAist wet dream.

Is it a statement on Life As We Know It? Of course everyone EXPECTS art to be just that. I rather think that the truth is more evident in the absences and in the negative space. What you don't tell us is what we must deduce, but is far more valid than the lies that other people feed us day in and day out. Rather one "WHAT IS IT?" than 5000 movies like "Titanic" or "Sleepless in Seattle" (shudder, gag, groan).

Thank you, Mr. Glover (additionally a fun man to watch on screen or at his Big Slide Show-- smart, funny, quirky, and outrageously hot). Make more films, write more books, keep the nightmare alive.