jayson-4

For years friends expressed amazement that I had never watched "Nip/Tuck" -- just my kind of show, they insisted. And so, spurred by the recent assault of pre-season publicity, I decided to pay a first-time visit to Nip/Tuck last night. I was expecting sly and witty satire. What I found instead (in repeat episodes that focused on a serial mangler and a deranged racist) was a puerile, unrelenting torrent of violence and sadism. Robotic and/or hysterical acting, moronic plot contortions, and enough deep shadow (in Miami, yet) to make Edgar Ulmer spin like a top. It was like watching Joel Schumacher direct Ricky Martin as Hannibal Lecter. Nice to know what my friends think of my taste.

1939 may have been the shiniest of Hollywood's Golden Years, but this gilded stinker should certainly keep us from getting too gassy about the whole thing.

Yes, the principals are pretty, and given that (if you can believe the biographical info) Darnell had barely entered puberty by the time she was outfitted in this ermine-lined straitjacket, she acquits herself fairly well (altho her girlish piping seems bizarre vis a vis the later, memorable alto of "Letter to Three Wives").

But if you ever needed proof that Tyrone Power was no Cary Grant, brother, stop here. His double-takes and eye-rolling are appalling and his comic timing non-existent. Power looks heroic in a dinner jacket, but otherwise he's just plain rotten here.

So is most of the dialogue. And the direction.

I suppose "Day-Time Wife" merits some historical attention as one more '30's "comedy of remarriage," but its essential feature is its mind-boggling stupidity.

Catch this oddity the next time TCM drags it out of the pit. This vehicle for the grand old warhorse Marjorie Main features some of the Golden Age's greatest character actors and the talented and beautiful (if ultimately tragic) Susan Peters. But the sub-sitcom setups, rotten writing, inferior direction and editing, and at least one perverse (if not sickening) plot turn make this an unintentionally creepy little "B" picture indeed.

"Tish" was no doubt a tryout for the dazzling Peters (who the same year would appear to far greater effect in "Random Harvest"), but given how short her film resume is, it's a shame that this thing has to feature so prominently on it.

If you need proof that MGM didn't turn out "Mutiny on the Bounty" and "Mrs. Miniver" twice a week, seek no more.