nowyat

I don't want to say anything bad about Canada, but this movie WAS made there. And it is, clearly, THE worst movie ever to see daylight. I once saw "The Seventh Seal", you know. The plot is not dissimilar, eh? Yes, it's the Canadian version of Bergman.

What else can I say, about this, this. This... this... this this. In the end, even they didn't like their own movie, and went on to finish up with a totally different plot.

I rented it, watched it, and was in benumbed shock. In order to restore some sort of sanity to my universe, I looked it up on IMDB. Somehow, after reading all your clear and rational reviews, I got over the trauma. (Now, I have to say a few words in it's favor.)

The puppets and rubber Satan were cute. I liked the gremlin drooling sputum in the manager's coffee cup. (This movie almost has some redeeming qualities. But not quite.) A few other points: first, clearly, it's meant to be a sort of primitive Canadian satire; second, many drummers have fake accents, or perhaps it disappears because he has been possessed; third, you can't really blame anyone for their hairstyle, (back in the eighties everyone looked like that). However, do not take these comments as in any way condoning this movie. I could be coming down with the flu, but I think it was this revolting piece of celluloid abuse that's making me ill.

Do not ever, recommend that anyone watch this movie. It could destroy a fragile mind. Even your worst enemy doesn't deserve such horror... (I still can't get Thor's tight-buttoned-silver-bare-chested-tuxedo jacket out of my mind... Ahhggg....) And I think the U.N. should pass an international law against anyone, ever again, wearing tiny metal studded leather underpants, particularly while wrestling rubber Satan dolls. Please.

My final points? Why did I watch this movie? What was I thinking? What were they thinking?

Oh, and Thor makes Twisted Sister seem like Mozart. Thanks for listening. I feel better now.

Maybe I'm strange, but I thought this was the best movie I have ever seen. It seems long, but short too, as you watch it. And maybe, to us Americans, the kabuki style make-up is slightly KISS-like. Still, it was beautiful and thoughtful. I can't even begin to describe the plot. Think Charles Dickens crossed with H.P. Lovecraft. Anyway, here's what I think may have happened... an extremely good-looking Japanese Christian denounces his faith in the beginning, bitter about the whole Shogan clan system and all his friends being killed. He becomes an eternal satanic warlock, who is able to raise other disgruntled spirits from the dead. Over time they get up a group of undead who plan to topple the government. (Not, perhaps without some justification, but remember, they are evil.)

On the other side, a one-eyed, fabulously talented swordsman. He's more of a Buddhist, not so interested in eternal vengeance and all. He goes to the most evil swordsman in Japan, and asks him to make him a sword, because only a creature of evil can create a sword that can kill evil ghosts, (or gods). There are many wonderful scenes besides the sword making one. (The swordmaker gives his all and dies.) The Shogun lord is enamoured of one of the undead group, (she's very lovely). I think this may have been his ex-wife whom he had murdered. When the royal court goes out hunting (with beaters dressed in black and white french prisoner costumes???), as the villagers flee before them she says "Oh look, there's a nice deer to shoot", (or something to that effect, and all the courtiers and eventually the prince, begin shooting the villagers with arrows, sort of a mass hallucination). They tie them up on stakes, still thinking they are deer. It was all very surreal. If you like excellent sword fights, good mob scenes, nice nature scenery, and theological conflict, this movie has it all and more. You MUST see it. Oh, and it all ends in flames. Lots and lots of flames. A must see for pyromaniacs as well.

The real hero of this story is a Zorro type fellow, played, I think, by Ettore Manni. A soldier, Ettore, attacked by rebels, becomes their friend when he stands up to Hercules, Alan Steel, in a knife fight. How Hercules, (ancient Greece), took up with a band on Conquistador bandits, (they have those helmets), was never explained to my satisfaction. He should have been long dead. O.K., O.K. Then, this soldier, in order to save his ladylove from an unwanted marriage, dons a red mask and some frilly black ruffles. Not a toga in site. Also, numerous subplot romances.

Alan Steel, in the minor role of Hercules, lesser, secondary, sidekick to Zorro, does get five minutes of screen time or so. He throws a few people up into a tree, and also tears down a hangman's scaffold, so all was not lost. Anyway, if anyone can explain this movie to me, I'd love to hear... Possibly, I simply didn't pay enough attention to the dialogue. Also, Ettore Manni, Zorro imitator, accidently shot himself to death later in life. Divine justice, one hesitates to suggest?

P.S. I can't find 'Golia' in my Italian/English dictionary, although "and the Masked Rider", translates pretty easily. What's Golia? Goliath? What's the relation between Goliath and Hercules. I'm just so... confused.