Ted-101

It's true, we're all wondering how a 50 foot woman can fit in a bedroom, even a big bedroom that is 20' by 20'. But we shouldn't quibble, for obviously the tall girl had her knees bent.

Let's get down to cases. I'm not worried about Nancy seeing satellites, or my favorite line in the film, beautifully delivered by the deputy when he's ordered by the sheriff to fire his gun at the towering, vengeful female, "I CAN'T SHOOT A LADY!"

What I really want to know is why nobody that has commented on this film, from the experts to the fans, has wondered aloud why philandering Harry Archer prefers a slim blond in Honey Parker, to his rich, sultry, curvy, gorgeous wife, Nancy. Allison Hayes is so sexy, so leggy, and so hot in her black dresses and black high heels that Yvette Vickers looks like a pale, washed out blond in comparison. Yes, Yvette Vickers is pretty, but she's not a former Miss America contestant with the raw sex appeal that Allison Hayes has.

In conclusion sci-fi fans, when I watch this movie its because I get to see Allison Hayes walk around a lot in tight dresses, and to see all that leg and cleavage she shows while walking through the countryside and when she's busy demolishing the roof of that seedy little bar and grill where Harry & Honey hang out.

For those who get the latest DVD for this film with the commentary by Tom Weaver and Yvette Vickers, be advised that the whole commentary is a showcase for Vickers career. They spend about two minutes total talking about Allison Hayes, which I found infuriating.

Meanwhile, let me get back to looking at this movie one more time, so I can see my favorite, dark-haired bombshell, Allison Hayes, swing those hips and strut her stuff while she knocks down another drink and twirls that 'Star of India' diamond around her graceful fingers.

The Giant Claw is in fierce competition with films like, 'Robot Monster' and 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' for worst film of all time. A phony looking giant vulture attacks 'Lionel Trains' in this completely unconscious film. The script is so bad that everything the characters say to one another is ridiculous. It's no wonder that this film is a prime target in the movie, "It Came From Hollywood," where this gem is hammered for the line, 'A Bird As Big As A Battleship', with gleeful, endless needling. The line pops up relentlessly through the course of the film, so there's no escaping it. There are several shots from, 'The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms' and 'Earth vs. The Flying Saucers' among other sci-fi films from the 50's to beef up the scraggly vulture's attacks. At one point the big vulture is responsible for a few deaths, so the military puts the entire world under martial law and no one is allowed to go out of their homes. Of course, the huge buzzard is mainly concerned with pursuing the stars of this classic, Jeff Morrow & Mara Corday, wherever they might be. Yet the director is so lame that he doesn't even provide for a few honey shots of pretty Mara in a decent dress and black heels for a little relief from the tedium of this zero star thriller. That's the second time this blunder has been made. In 'Tarantula', Mara Corday struts around in hot dresses for the whole film, but is relegated to pants throughout, 'The Giant Scorpion'. The budget for this film must have been not more than thirty or forty thousand dollars and I doubt whether Morrow or Corday got more than three thousand to make it. It looks like the whole thing was shot right out of somebody's garage.

I was very curious to see this film for a long time, and was happy to finally get the chance to see it when it came out on DVD not long ago. I've always liked Colin Clive, and it seemed to me that he would be a good choice to play Edward Rochester. I wasn't disappointed. He was nervous, agitated, sympathetic and quite tormented as usual. I wasn't familiar with Virginia Bruce going in, and was absolutely astounded that she was chosen for the part of Jane Eyre. What we have here is a big, buxom, beautiful blond with a flawless, pale complexion and a gorgeous smile. With her shoes on she's nearly as tall as Clive & that sultry, fleshy body of hers suggests she outweighs the gaunt actor by more than a few pounds as well. During the party Rochester has for his guests he says to Jane, "You're a funny little thing..." which I thought was a hoot since the script writer must have wrote the scene before clapping an eye on Ms. Bruce, who is anything but a "Funny little thing."

What does all this mean? Well yes, as others here have said, this film has only a glancing similarity to the novel. The discrepancies are so outrageous that they border on being quite charming and sweet. Aileen Pringle as Blanche Ingram is an attractive actress, yet Virginia Bruce has a huge advantage in looks over her that actually leads to dialog suggesting as much! In the novel Rochester is tormented and difficult, but he is a powerful and dominating figure. Here, Colin Clive as Rochester is tormented and weak, and as such we have a romance where he is all but consumed and comforted by Jane's tall figure and ample charms. The sequence where Rochester tricks Jane into choosing jewelry, clothes and other items out for herself and not Blanche Ingram (which is Jane's mistaken notion) is consistent with the novel and other film versions and is very touching. This is the no stress version of Jane Eyre that I found very pleasing to watch.