Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is a film made by people that evidently crave more and more attention for a project that, with each and every installment, gets less and less entertaining. Between the incessant promotion for the film on Twitter, resorting to plastering tweets and feedback from the common people during the film's commercial breaks, and the repeated emphasis on product placement and promotional tie-ins, Sharknado 3 is a sorry excuse for a film that, for now the third time, fails instantly for trying to pander to the dumb crowd and continue to harp on a concept that's been dead in the water since the first film.

The story of Sharknado is a rather interesting turn of fate. I recall reading an article months before its SyFy premiere was even a foreseeable option of various films at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival that were up for sale. I was particularly scoping out the ones that looked rather lackluster and, sure enough, Sharknado's poster was featured in the article, boasting its trademark image with the tagline "ENOUGH SAID!." I rolled my eyes and thought little of it until I began seeing a great deal of social media buzz for it upon the announcement that the film would have its North American premiere on the SyFy network. Sure enough, thanks to brazen advertising and an emphasis on the stupid, the film became a runaway hit and a pop culture footprint was made.

The original film was somewhat tolerable, for it was a fresh idea, but was irritating because you could tell from the very beginning that nobody involved in this film wanted to make a film that was the least bit serious or competent. They wanted to create a self-aware film that was well aware of its stupidity, drape it in purposefully poor special effects, and top it off with a plethora of cameos to become a film that was doing nothing trying to garner unworthy attention. The fact is, however, many of us paid it what it didn't deserve and now we have a second sequel and a third one in the works.

This particular film revolves around Fin and April (Ian Ziering and Tara Reid), this time, fighting off a sharknado that is pulverizing the east coast, particularly Washington D.C.. Fin, upon being awarded the Medal of Honor from the President of the United States (Mark Cuban), winds up trying to protect the president during the deadly twister. Finally, Fin heads to Universal Studios in Orlando, where a very pregnant April is vacationing, to try and fight off another sharknado that is destroying the city at the same time yet another sharknado is terrorizing Daytona during the Daytona 500. These storms eventually mold together to create a large, ostensibly unstoppable sharknado that can only be taken down by Fin, April, and Fin's old friend Nova (Cassie Scerbo), as they decide the only way to potentially stop it would be to go into space.

The chaos in Sharknado 3 starts early and rarely lets up, and at about ninety minutes, like its predecessors, the film becomes dreary and repetitive quickly. We get the momentary smirk when we see familiar faces like David Hasselhoff, Penn Jillette, Robert Klein, Jerry Springer, Anthony Weiner, Ann Coulter, Frankie Muniz, and even Michele Bachmann upon many others get their brief moment of fame, but these inclusions are just another ploy for the film to continue to garner unworthy attention. The monotony sets in faster than the skies can darken for an imminent sharknado, and the result is a redundant film that still is more or less giggling at itself and its concept while we should be sitting with a headache from all the eye-rolling we've done.

Sharknado has become less a film franchise and more of a marketing-rich opportunity for corporations, but mostly social media, and that fact is glaring when the film doesn't even end on a complete note and leaves a character's fate (and, to be honest, the future of an actor or actress's career) up to social media. If we had to get a Sharknado 3, could we at least have gotten one that wasn't so insistent on beating a one-note joke into the ground and one backed by a director and writer that wanted to create a decent film instead of a desperately unfunny and pathetic marketing trope?

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo, Frankie Muniz, Bo Derek, Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, and David Hasselhoff. Directed by: Anthony C. Ferrante.

Sharknado 3 (2015)

** (out of 4)

Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) is at the White House receiving a honor from the President of the United States (Mark Cuban) when another storm comes in carrying more sharks. After the attack Fin plans to make it to Florida to meet his pregnant wife (Tara Reid) and her mother (Bo Derek) but of course a bigger storm with even more sharks is brewing.

SHARKNADO pretty much came out of no where and did got moderate ratings but it set social media on fire and eventually became a cult film. Obviously a sequel was to follow and with its big ratings we now have this third film in the series. I think the biggest problem with SHARKNADO 3 is that they made it campy, silly and stupid on purpose and this really isn't how cult movies work. No, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and other "so bad they're good" movies work so well because their directors tried making something great and fell short. SHARKNADO was an attempt to make a serious film but it failed.

With the two sequels going for straight camp, the films aren't nearly as entertaining and I think the entire scenario is getting a little tiresome. After all, there's really nothing that happens here that we didn't see before. You can only see sharks falling from the sky so many times and the same could be said for a chainsaw ripping them up. For the most part the film remains slightly entertaining simply because of how dumb it is. Ziering and Reid offers decent performances and of course there's some wink cameos throughout. David Hasselhoff plays the father and we even have Cassie Scerbo and Frankie Muniz. Bo Derek is looking amazing at her age so it was nice seeing her here.

SHARKNADO 3 is a bad movie but it's one of those on purpose. Fans of the first two will want to check it out but lets hope they do something fresh with the next one.

Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) are now remarried and are expecting another child. After a trip to Washington D.C. to receive a medal from current president Marcus Robbins (Marc Cuban) for his heroic actions during the events in the first 2 films, another sharknado strikes destroying the capital. Fearing that his family is in danger, he heads to Orlando. What he doesn't know is that a sharknado is following him while another is attacking Orlando. Now he and those he runs into on the way to Orlando must work together to try to stop the sharknados before they combine to form a sharkicane with the potential to destroy the entire East Coast.

I'll get right to it and say that this movie is terrible but that's not the point here. Everyone probably knew this coming in so I don't think that I'm surprising anyone. The acting is bad, the special effects are bad to the point that they are laughable, and the story doesn't make any sense. I am aware that this movie is called Sharknado 3 so I wasn't expecting anything scientifically accurate. Sharks in space people!!!! I saw some things in this that made me question myself but like I've said, this film is called Sharknado 3 so in order to enjoy it, you just have to suspend belief and accept what you are being given. My favorite thing about the film is all the random shark kills in all their "semi-gory" glory (this is a TV movie so they can only go so far). You'll also be surprised by some of the people who get killed (no spoilers). Common sense would normally dictate not watching this but if you give it a chance you'll be pleasantly surprised and perhaps entertained as I was. I've seen the first 2 films and I enjoyed them a lot and I think that this one is the best one so far.

When there was speculation that Mark Cuban was going to run for president in 2020 one thing was left off his resume. He didn't list that he played a president in Sharknado 3.

I wouldn't brag on it either. For action above and beyond in fighting flying sharks in the first two Sharknado movies Ian Ziering is getting the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Mark Cuban. Wouldn't you know it, but the sharks come to poop the party and in general wreak havoc on our nation's capital.

But that's the preliminary. What Mother Nature has planned is a series of these storms up and down the Atlantic coast. Ian Ziering can't be everywhere, or can he?

And there were three more Sharknado sequels after this. Somebody must have watched them.

The first two Sharknado movies were not great and had a lot wrong with them, but they were guilty pleasure fun as long as not taken seriously. Sharknado 3 however was a let-down, it lacks the fun and charm of the first two as a result of being too self-aware and trying far too hard, really wanted to not take this seriously and view it as a guilty pleasure but it was just too amateurish and tired.

Sharknado 3 does start off great, with a thrilling James Bond-like opening credits sequence and the hilariously over-the-top sliding across the floor scene. Ian Ziering is likable and charismatic in the lead role, he plays it straight but still looks like he's having fun with the role, and Matt Lauer and Al Roker return and are amusing. The soundtrack is energetic and eerie enough, and there are a couple of reasonably fun death scenes, got a good chuckle out of Jerry Springer's.

Very little else works however. The rest of the acting is not very good at all, with Tara Reid being every bit as unspeakably awful as she was in the first two movies, her facial expressions look so expressionless and very forced in the few times she tries, her line delivery is mechanical and she constantly looks ill at ease. The dizzying amount of cameos and the quality of them are nowhere near as entertaining as before, not just the too deadpan approach but also that they're poorly written and feel too random and brief. Mark Cuban is incredibly annoying and like Reid shows no acting skills whatsoever, while on the other end of the spectrum, Frankie Muniz is lightweight to the point of being bland and David Hasselhoff is wooden.

Even for low-budget, Sharknado 3 is very shoddy stuff, the scenery is pretty good but the movie is shot in a very rushed-looking and drab way, editing is sloppy as well as choppy and the shark special effects are typical dreadfully artificial Asylum/SyFy fare. Regarding the shark attacks and death scenes, there are a few decent ones in the fun factor (Jerry Springer, Frankie Muniz) but on the most part the unintentional silliness comes at the expense of thrills and suspense, which are nowhere in sight, and while fun at first the unintentional silliness generally gets tiresome. The movie is directed flatly, the energy and enthusiasm this time around in the pacing is missing and there are too many cardboard characters that are difficult to give a toss about. The first two movies had some great funny lines, but the script here contains nothing remotely amusing or memorable and instead feels stale and tiresomely cheesy. Say what you will about the second Sharknado movie being a re-tread, but this movie is much more so, and with none of the fun, charm or energy of the previous two outings, with the Universal Studios scenes going on forever and leading nowhere. It's further not helped by trying too hard being dopey fun and in the process taking itself too seriously with everything played straight and overly-deadpan, that any life is sucked out.

All in all, the third movie in the Sharknado franchise has its moments but is very lacking on the whole this time round. 4/10 Bethany Cox