Piraconda

Ever seen Sharktopus? Well, clearly somebody got the idea to create another super-cheesy hybrid monster movie that was a poorly made as 99% of everything the sci-fi channel churns out.

On a Hawaiian island, a greedy scientist named Lovegrove (Michael Madsen) seeks out eggs belonging to a mated pair of the titular monsters that are half Pirahna and half Anaconda, despite the fact neither species is indigenous to Hawaii. Meanwhile, a B-movie film crew shoot a slasher film in the jungle while a group of mercenaries prowl the island looking for people to ransom or any other illegal activity they can profit from. All the while, the titular creatures begin hunting them all down, turning the island into a bloodbath as the survivors try to escape.

As expected, this is his is just another run of the mill budget monster movie. Everything is bad. The Pihrannaconda designs are a bit goofy looking and are animated with cheap, low-quality CGI. Most of the characters are unsympathetic and forgettable because they're only onscreen for about three minutes tops as they wander off aimlessly into the jungle like idiots and then getting chomped down.

Even for a sci-fi original movie, this is a very cheap flick. The crew must have blown most of the budget hiring Michael Madsen because the effects are pathetic. The victims are instantly turned into blood clouds by the monsters because they couldn't be bothered to make half-decent death scenes with body parts. The protagonists take off in a car that's completely undamaged despite having just being in a shootout, and as their driving down the road, they're freaking out as if their being chased despite the titular monsters obviously not behind them.

With the exception of Michael Madsen, none of the cast members are notable, mostly consisting of curvy women that the monsters enjoy the taste of and look as though they spent more time modelling or in adult films than actual movies. And speaking of which, Madsen seems humiliated to be starring in this and doesn't even try as he delivers his lines in a dull, raspy, murmur like he's reading a pamphlet. There's even this super cheesy rockabilly song "Piranhaconda" that sounds totally out of place.

The only bright side to this film that I can find are the admittingly beautiful shots of the Hawaiian cliffs, valleys, and jungles. Plus, the monsters win in the end and apparently kill everyone, including the last two survivors right before the credits roll.

Overall, this movie was stupid, cheap, poorly made, and embarrassing to watch, so don't even bother watching it for free.

What a yawn fest.

The blandest movie I have seen in a while, not entertaining in the slightest.

Rib Hillis. What a putz... he wants to be Paul Logan so badly... shame he has absolutely none of his talents or charisma...

give this a skip and watch Mega Piranha instead....

A huge creature that's part snake, part fish is terrorizing the cast and crew of a B-movie, I'm guessing because it's mad that Professor Lovegrove (Michael Madsen, Sin City, Kill Bill) had stolen it's eggs (Piranhacondas don't know how to compartmentalize it seems) That's the threadbare plot for this SyFy original in a nutshell. Sure there's another plot about kidnappers but that one meanders and isn't that interesting. It's all about the snake.

Slightly above average (for a SyFy film). The effects are fairly well done and there is some fun to be had. Plus I'm still a huge admirer of Director Jim Wynorski even if it's more for his amazing work in the '80's as opposed to his more recent output.

OK, I'll try to sum it up. First, a Captain Ahab wannabe scientist discovers a half piranha, half anaconda in Hawaii. He gets one of its eggs and escapes, only to be kidnapped by some criminals whose activities are unexplained. Meanwhile, a low-budget film crew is shooting a lousy horror movie, though it can't be as terrible as this movie. The criminals kidnap part of the film crew to hold them for ransom, but they run into the piranhaconda, and then a second piranhaconda shows up for good measure. It's never really explained how a piranha-anaconda could create a hybrid breed, and it's also never explained how it wound up in Hawaii, which is not native to either creature. The film stars Michael Madsen as the mad scientist/hostage and Rachel Hunter as the diva star of the terrible movie, both obviously in it for an easy paycheck. It was produced by none other than Roger Coreman, who made several terrible science fiction films in the 1950's. Here, he proves that he hasn't lost his touch- he can still make terrible science fiction movies. In place of unconvincing zipper-backed monsters, we have unconvincing computer animated monsters, complete with laughable death scenes where even the victims seem to have difficulty keeping straight faces. The Sci Fi Channel strikes again, strikes out that is.

This movie is one of the worst syfy movies I've ever seen. I have watched a lot of trash syfy but this one makes all the others look great. The cast always choose the dumbest course of action. This is definitely not worth any of your time.