Malibu Shark Attack

This have got to be one of the worst shark movies I have ever seen. It was so full of things that made you want to yank out your hair by the root.

First, let's talk about the acting, actually most of the actors and actresses performed well enough. Of course, don't expect to see any award winning performances, but they weren't as bad as to be expected from a movie of this type.

Then moving on to the sharks. Goblin sharks? Alrighty then, why not? What was up with the snouts and the spikes along the ridge of their backs? And the way that they always had to open and close their mouths like as if communicating somehow? And how come they repeatedly showed the same clip over and over again, just mirroring it from time to time.

What's next? Oh yeah, lets throw a tsunami into the equation, as if crappy CGI sharks weren't enough. This was the worst-looking CGI animated tsunami in movie history. And they said in the movie that it was a massive wall of water standing 100 feet tall, and yet it did no damage to those wooden huts belonging to the beach life guards? Yeah, okay. But it managed to put places 30 feet underwater, but did no damage what so ever to those beach huts. That was just hilarious. Oh, and I also loved the fact that in some scenes you saw the fake wave travel towards land, but when the camera angle changed, the wave had magically vanished from the surface of the water in the background. That was a really amazing touch to the movie, a fake tsunami that was able to defy laws of physics and magically vanish from time to time, this is as good as it gets.

And the constant filler scenes of showing girls in bikinis playing volleyball or frolicking on the beach, or hunky surfer guys in the water, what is up with that? I know this movie is supposed to take place in Malibu, but come on. Those scenes are pointless and serves as nothing but a way to fill out the time and hope to keep whatever audience is left hooked.

I actually managed to pull through the entire movie, because I wanted to see what else was hidden in the drawer of bad effects and cheesy stories. Hand on heart, then this is really a terrible shark movie. If you, like me, like monster movies, then pick something else, this one is just not worth the time or effort.

"What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore."

Well, you could change the channel....

"(yes, I know sharks are really mammals)"

Actually, sharks are NOT mammals: they are fish that bear live young, in most species.

I'll be watching "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" tonight("Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" is on opposite "Malibu Shark Attack"). Debbie Gibson AND Lorenzo Lamas? Must-watch TV!

Warren Christie in this?? what the hell? I recognized him from other better stuff since then but his being in this was a surprise (Musta been a low point of low points in his career!)

In fact I'd say the the only real surprise.. it's a horrid cheap pathetic "made for TV" pile of crap that some one got suckered into forking over $ to make.

I've seen better acting and production quality from a HS play! The premise is beyond absurd right off the bat.. special effects are barely better than the acting skill.. or lack thereof The other reviewer saying 20 min was all he could stand (or she? doesn't matter).. I again got stuck with this sadly being the best thing on one day while on devil child duty.. it was this crap or garbage like "house wives of cardsashians or whatever pathetic mind numbingly stupid crap they are coming up with of that sort.. you know what I mean I'm sure.) Well this was so bad it was a serious question of leaving it on this crap or channel flipping to horrible fake "reality TV".. this movie won.. if anything can be called a winner in this case at all. it sure as hell was not a win for me.

Anyhow.. absurd premise + pathetic acting + dare we say direction of some sort.. + somehow managing to waste a budget of 3 MILLION... wait a min.. 3 MILLION??? What in hell did they spend 3 MILLION on with this crap?? Seriously.. more like budget of 3 million.. spent 100K on the production total.. pocketed 2.9 MILLION and used the entire thing as a giant tax write off.. and while we do a lot of good productions in Canada this is not one of them.. but I guarantee someone used tax credits here for the making of this horrible garbage.

Skip it.. don't waste your time.. save yourself the mental scarring that is inevitable for those whom watch this!!!! Even Plan 9 from outer space is Oscar worthy in comparison to this crap and sadly several other "things" (calling them movies is an insult to what a movie can actually be) I've been subjected to recently (see my other reviews as warning to save yourselves from such torture!!)

Quite possibly the most wasted 20 minutes of all my life, that's all I could stand of this disaster! I have seen dozens if not hundreds of B movies in my life but really, this movie has to be classified as a Z movie. Horrible dialogue, worse acting, and a plot so thin that you can sift flour through it. From the opening sequence to just the simple physics of the tsunami, it's just so improbable. I mean I know movies are movies, but just the smallest symbolance of reality is needed to make it worth watching in fast frame. I will give most movie at least a half hour of my time but as I said earlier, 20 minutes in and I was ready to vomit. 200 channels and still nothing on. Really I need to write ten lines to really convey how bad this flick is.

AWFUL! Just bloody awful. The two previous reviewers must have watched this on crack (either that, or they're both flaks for the network): this is precisely the kind of B-movie that makes SciFi channel and USA Network SO unwatchable 95 percent of the time. Even the sharks were bad. That's on the dopey director, the excruciatingly bad script, the cheesy producers, and the network drones who lard the schedule with mindless babble like this. But face it: nobody watched Baywatch for its generally poor acting or the blindingly stupid scripts, either -- it was eye candy, the TV equivalent of a pulp novel. The only real eye candy here was Peta Wilson (the men were so stupid every time they spoke that they made me wince, which ruined the effect of the beefcake), and I hope Wilson at least made a decent buck off it: this one's clearly not going into her portfolio.

The 'danger in the water' movies historically have a few remarkable gems among them, but it's mostly a history of losers and throwaway flicks like this. The "Jaws" films had a much higher overall caliber, not just of directors, actors and acting, but of everything else that went into them. The rest of the "scary fish" subgenre (yes, I know sharks are really mammals) shown on cable channels like this are only made for USA/SciFi to be filler in between equally fake wrestling -- perfect for a summer schedule that just reeks of old, cheap USA Network (for SciFi, read idiot dungeons-magic-and-talking-dragons flicks and horror-aboard-the-spaceship instead). It's like for 10 or 12 weeks of the year, they're willing to tolerate a decent series or two like BSG, Eureka, the Stargate series, Burn Notice or Royal Pains, then they go the cheap-ass route the rest of the year and expect us not to notice.

This is just the same insult offered by USA/SciFi over and over again. They learned nothing from their experience with Battlestar Galactica, which brought them tons of adult ***and female*** viewers whom they are now insistently driving away. Way to go, bozos.

What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore. It doesn't matter how they spell it, SciFi or SyFy or Schmy-Fi -- it still translates to trash, and if it weren't for the occasional treasure like Eureka and Battlestar Galactica, nobody would bother with this channel EXCEPT 15-year-old boys: they're the only ones dumb enough to fall for this crap. Which is why I've spent my summer watching BSG on DVD and reruns of La Femme Nikita online instead.