Steven Kan's Sharks of the Corn

From what I saw. It's not Sharknado. It's not so bad it's good. It's not good tongue in cheek, It's someone with a video camera, who simply decided to......I'm sorry I just can't speak anymore.... I need to sit down. Videocameras, editors, and viewers were harmed in the making of this. I think of the poor editor who had to sit for hours and hours on end and likely had to go alone to a bar and drown his sorrows. That's who I'm sad for. Think of him ladies and gentlemen. Think of this poor poor man who had to edit this.

Look I welcome the ridiculous. Shark in a cornfield could be silly fun. But it wasn't even silly, nor fun.

This is not one of those movies that some scientist says that there are land sharks and no one believes until half the town is eaten; then you see the shark. In this movie you see the little cutie upfront. So, they wrote the script backwards.

I have cats that look more vicious. That is why I to not let them watch this sort of thing.

Some randy girl says "You can bite me. No extra charge." And there is some sort of Shark-a-do-do cult. That is still teething.

Speaking about girls, all the females in this movie look like they have been plumping up as shark-chow. Not one scrawny female among them.

Oh, no there is even an evil cabal of shark people. Or possibly alien shark people. Twists and turns abound without waiting for the end.

We may be confronted by a whole menagerie; I will not go into details as it is the fun of surprise. Luckily, we do not have to listen to rap music in the background. Periodically the cutie sharks barf up red corn sweetener.

I cannot believe Benchley (Casey Miracle) is a scoundrel. Will he come unhinged. As everybody must get stoned. He is also known as the varmint.

Filming location The Roundabout in Clark County, Kentucky U. S. A. Too bad as they have Inka giant corn in Salinas Valley, California.

The only thing that might be missing is Richard Dutoit Carlson. Then again?

This could be based on a real incident. As we know that there was corn in Mexico:

WORLD A boulder blocking a Mexican cave was moved. Hidden inside were human skeletons and the remains of sharks and blood-sucking bats.

BY KERRY BREEN DECEMBER 22, 2023 / 2:38 PM EST / CBS NEWS.

I'm a big Tim Ritter from back in the day. This movie is about a half hour long, has far too many characters, and lots of pacing issues. I liked the cheesy stuff and silly vibe but it is overwhelmingly boring.

Generally speak, I like Shark movies. It's really a stretch to call this a shark movie.

Everything about this was bad. Bad acting, bad cinematography, bad dialog, bad... no, not just bad but HORRIBLE "special effects".

I've had bouts of explosive diarrhea that were more enjoyable than this movie.

To be fair, I only got about 10 minutes in and pulled the plug. Maybe it's like the Wizard of Oz where the first part of the film is black and white and then transforms into a mind-blowing full-color experience only in this case, the movie starts horribly bad and then pivots unexpectedly into a cinematic masterpiece.

I mean, I highly doubt it, but it's always possible. I'll have to spin it up again and forward to the end.

This is even worse than all the sharknado movies (yes even the final one) combined! This is the worst shark movie imaginable. I expected some comedy-horror spoof on something or another. I was wrong, so very very wrong. This movie actually tries to take itself seriously! (I'm not kidding).

And it's not one of those "so bad it's good" movies, no, it's just trash. It's not comedically bad, it's just bad. What's so horrifying about this? The fact a piece of garbage like this got released.

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS MOVIE, or if you do, torrent it for free, because it is NOT worth money.