The Terminators

First off, I apologize to my wife for making her watch this film with me. This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. This movie is like a porno without the porn!!! Driller Killer had more cinematic prowess than this, and that is a movie that shouldn't be mentioned around anyone feeling remotely depressed for fear of a sudden shift toward the suicidal. B movies are bad, but this one has managed to plummet into the depths of God-awful. Is there such a thing as a C movie? Please, please, PLEASE, if you or a loved one are thinking of renting this movie, or DEAR GOD, buying this thing, just don't do it. Put the DVD case down, back away, and run. You'll thank me for this review. If you don't take this advice, be prepared to live with the consequences. Do anything else. Visit the IRS, go see your ex for pleasant conversation, or go to the dentist and get the 4 hour root canal you've been postponing. Your time will be better spent than curling up with this piece of trash.

This is not worth one cent to spend, because it's not a movie. It makes no sense in any matter, and everything a director can make wrong, a scriptwriter can make wrong, and an actor/actress can make wrong, is made wrong. Every Teletubbie serial has more class and intelligence. It would make sense for a full drunken audience, but even filled with four bottles of wine I for myself would rather prefer to view a George Bush honor feature.

After the first CGI disappeared and the first scene with people on a set begun, I realized that this is going really bad. It's strange that you can imagine how bad a movie will be already after a few seconds.

I've seen some bad movie's from the 50's and 60's, they are great masterworks compared to The Terminators. Maybe in 200 years this movie is cult, but only in a future with the people from "Idiocracy".

Well...

You always think it can't get any worse, and guess what: "It can!" This movie is trying to piggy-back on the success of Terminator, and of course I expected something similar with equal "quality". No, this is nothing even close to "The Terminator" movies! It sucks, did I say it sucks already? It's a complete and utter waste of your money, and if you like Science Fiction and Robot-based movies even a bit, then please avoid this movie. It's bad acting, bad script, bad special effects (they're not even special), bad everything. Well, at least you've deserved one price: "The price for worst SF movie I've seen so far!". I wonder why people even make these movies! All people that worked on this movie: "Get yourself a job, as you don't belong in movie-world and you're a disgrace to cinematography."

Yes it's that bad. In this "movie" robots turn against humans just like on futurama, only less scary or believable. Watch Troll 2 instead.

The Asylum presents The Terminators, and a part of me deplores their most legally untenable title yet, I have to admire their audacity in taking a similar them to a popular franchise and attempting to circumvent the copyright laws by simply making the title plural. These are the plucky plagiarizers who were sued by the makers of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" for their movie "The Day The Earth Stopped," and won, so I'm guessing they're feeling lucky. One wonders the next endeavor from the Asylum will feature a cloned British spy, who will be known as "James Bonds." The basic premise is that mankind has an army of androids performing various tasks and oddjobs around the country. The robots revolt in unison around the country and begin uniformly attempting to kill every human being they can, by either pulling out various organs, impaling them with punches, or just shooting them with a gun. Sadly the robots (cheekily dubbed "TR4s") are mute throughout, which leaves one to imagine the horrible puns that could have been written for them ("I'll be coming back!" "Come with with me if you want to live . . .just kidding!" *blam!*).

All the androids are identical, which is understandable, but what I don't get is why every single one of them is wearing the exact same outfit. Some of these robots were working in shops, some were working on a space station, some were presumably dancing at a bachelorette party, yet they are all wearing slacks and a sleeveless shirt? The robots are played by an iron jawed, bodybuilder type (Paul Logan) who seems like his exclusive preparation was watching a lot of Arnold as the (actual) Terminator to determine how to run and fire a gun like a big-screen, killing machine, muscular, humanoid robot, which Arnold wrote the book on. I'm not saying its legible, but he definitely wrote the book.

We follow a small band of survivors from a little town outside of Los Angeles, robot holocaust, led by the town Sheriff (A Martinez — that's the actor's name "A Martinez", as apparently the Asylum could not afford a specific Martinez, but had to settle for a more generic brand).

I want to say I had an absolute blast watching the Terminators with friends last night, and for fun/bad movie lovers I highly recommend it.

Daniel J. Roos film.ispwn.com