CrossBones

I can usually find something good in most low budget horror movies. This is one that I can't. It is so bad on so many levels. This is about a bunch of young folks who go to an island to do a reality survivor type show and are menaced by some resurrected pirate. It starts off with what is supposed to be the origin of the pirate, which looked like it was filmed at historical museum sites (you know, everything is clean and filmed at weird angles so you don't see the tourist signs) with really bad costuming. Note to producers, if you don't have the money to build set, don't do stuff like this, it looks really cheesy. All of the very few characters are completely unlikeable 2-dimensional stereotypes. After seeing Curse of El Charro recently and this flick I've noticed a new stereotype appearing, that is the really obnoxious home girl black chick. The acting is uniformly weak. And did I mention I hated hip-hop/rap soundtracks? It especially doesn't work for a evil pirate movie that takes place on a tropical island. So do we at least get some gore? No way, some blood, but no gore. Do we at least get some boobs? Nope, no luck, not even some nudity to save this.

I have to say, this is one of the worst low-budget horror flicks I've seen in a while. If you want to see a half way decent evil pirate low budget horror flick then check out Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove (2005) which came out a few months ago, but I suggest you pass on this one.

Holy Macaronial Crap!!!

"BONES OF CRAP"!

"CROSSCRAP"!

"ARR, ARR, CRAP IN ME PIRATE PANTS"!

These all would have been more appropriate titles for the abominable 'movie' that is called CROSSBONES!

When looking for 'first time viewings' for the annual Octobre Horror Movie Challenge here on the IMDb horror-board, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon this extremely lame and idiotic crap-fest. And I now officially have my number 1 Worst Horror movie of the New Millennium! And mind you, I never, ever have used the term 'worst horror movie...'. I always carefully used the phrase "One of the worst...".

Anyway, after having seen this pirate/horror/reality-TV crap-fest, I immediately added one extra point to the first movie I saw during that month for the Challenge, namely BLOODY PIT OF HORROR (aka IL BOIA SCARLATTO). I don't care if that one's made in the 60's or that it's not comparable in any way with CrapBones. At least I had a lot of fun with BLOODY PIT OF HORROR. Hell, it's even a better movie...

In fact, after having seen CrapBones I might as well go back to my reviews and add one extra point to ALL bad & crappy movies I've seen so far. Because none of them was as bad as this one... Well, maybe some... For the ones who know their more recent bad-movie-stuff: SKELETON MAN (that Casper Van Dien crap-fest) is almost Oscar material compared to CRAPBONES. Almost, I said...

I will not even dedicate more time to going into full details of this movie (because really, it's not worth it), but here's another 'aka' title:

CARIBBEAN CRAP!

Hmmm... I wonder if I might have over-used the word "crap" just a little bit in this comment...?

**UPDATE** Please forget that "worst horror movie"-statement I made about CROSSBONES. I recently saw DEMON SUMMER and DA HIP HOP WITCH. And, yes, they're even worse. That just shows you can't be sure of anything anymore these days...

They need a zero vote for this one! What a joke, do your self a favor and just throw the movie in the waste bucket, it is by far the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen created. Extremely poor acting, poor sets, poor wardrobes, poor filming...

Don't waste your time, I can't believe Lions Gate would have anything to do with something of this laughable caliber. The cover art misleads you to think there might possibly be a story worth watching, boy what a joke. I can say I actually only made it into the first 5 minutes the first attempt to view it. Had to show my wife just for a laugh and to convince her it was worth throwing out. I would not wish this on anyone else, life is to precious to waste on this crap. Throw it out, don't pass it on.

I saw this movie it was terrible. I have seen some low budget films I have seen stupid ones but this one takes the cake. I was handed this movie by a friend he said it is terrible he was sorry he bought it and I am giving it to you instead of throwing it away. I wish I had not taken it. It is the worst movie I have ever seen and I have seen a lot. I would recommend this movie as a torture device only and I hope nobody ever has to watch this because I wanted to break the DVD when I was done. The movie starts out and it is a little weird and you think OK it will get better as it goes but no it only gets worse once the reality game show part of the movie starts. The only good part in this movie is the hot girls and even that is not enough to entice me to watch it again. The plot is stupid, the actors are stupid, and the creator of this movie should have been shot on site.

I am taking the time and liberty of making CrossBones my first ever comment on the IMDb! Let me say: It sucked. It sucked from the two girl's cup. Thank you for your time and consideration...Oh, wait, I have to type more? OK. This movie is the reason that Y2K thing should have happened. That and the whole "robots harvesting our bodies for fuel" plot that was outlined for us in The Matrix. Simply ask yourself, "Do I like my life?" If you answer "Yes", then please disregard this movie and go about your charmed lives. But if you answer "No", then WATCH AND SUFFER YOU DIRTY MAGGOT! That's right, YOU LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU?! Freakin' masochists. I will keep a special copy warm in Hell for you, brother. Until then, videe well, my droogs. Videe well...

argh!